How Got Toddlered Became A Viral Sensation

Seeing the before and after photos of a US President can be downright shocking. Although their time in office is relatively short, the everyday burden of the job seems to age them in dog years.

Maybe that was Mike Julianelle’s inspiration for his Instagram phenomenon Got Toddlered, with pics of parents before and after they had children. After all, the only thing comparable to the stress and responsibility of having the power to unleash nuclear Armageddon on an unsuspecting world is the stress and responsibility of having no power to control a screaming two year old in an unsuspecting Walmart.

Or maybe Mike, who runs the Dad and Buried blog, found his inspiration closer to home, as he looked in the mirror, saw the bags under his eyes and a suddenly swollen jowl and recalled, with a mix of sadness, longing, remorse, and complete and utter despair, what he used to be. For alas, that man is no more. Le sigh.

Since Mike is a friend and also my editor at The Dad who is forcing me to write this article about him, I decided to ask.

 

 

The Dad: Before we get to the photos, what was the inspiration for your Instagram page Got Toddlered?

Mike Julianelle: Um, my toddler? I believe it started when he converted what had been a nice coffee table into a train yard. And then I just started noticing all the other stuff that had been toddlerfied, aka, altered beyond its initial pre-kid purpose, aka, totally destroyed. And there were a lot of examples, especially once I asked other parents to share some.

TD: Were the before and after becoming a parent pics a natural extension or was there a different inspiration or impetus?

MJ: Yeah, MY HIDEOUS FACE after almost 8 years of parenting. And also a photo I posted showcasing the way it has changed, because when a follower saw it, she suggested I ask others for THEIR before/after photos. So I did! Boom. VIRAL. My followers are great.

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Alright gang, it’s #mcm aka #ManCrushMonday, and what better way to celebrate it than with pictures of men who’ve been crushed by parenting. Like Yours Truly, as you can see. Let’s get more pics of guys who #gottoddlered! They can still be Halloween-themed, but hopefully I get enough to keep doing these on Monday’s moving forward. Because it’s 2017 and moms aren’t the only ones doing the parenting – and reaping its “rewards!” . . . #parenting #meme #memes #funnymemes #momlife #dadlife #mom #dad #kids #family #humor #mom #dad #motherhood #parenthood #fatherhood #dads #moms #parentlife #toddlers #parenthood #fatherhood #momlife #tired #dadlife #dadsofinstagram #momsofinstagram #gottoddlered

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TD: Yeah, you’re pretty grotes…I mean, you’re still so good looking. Are you sure you’re really a parent?

MJ: That depends on who you ask (at least in regards to the “Are you really a parent?” part, not the “you’re so good looking” part; everyone agrees with that). Many people who read my blog or follow my social platforms think I should have my kids taken away from me because I make fun of them and call them names, but like I’ve already told my wife: until you convince a judge, they’re still my kids!

 

TD: What is the biggest stress of being a parent? What has aged you the most?

MJ: Making sure they don’t die while simultaneously making sure you don’t go broke while simultaneously making sure they don’t grow up to kill people while simultaneously making sure you don’t fall asleep behind the wheel while simultaneously making sure you don’t ruin your kids while simultaneously making sure they don’t ruin your marriage while simultaneously making sure…

TD: Parenting is definitely a chainsaw juggling act. So, what makes becoming a parent “worth it”? Are you mostly interested in making sure the Julianelle name survives or are there some short-term benefits as well?
MJ: Can you ask me again in 30 years? Because there’s no way to know if any of this has been worth it until you see how they turn out. Look, bro, the lows of parenting are PLENTIFUL but the highs, while much more rare, are also much higher. That’s the trade-off. As for my name surviving, it is a pretty cool name, but seeing as my wife already refused to take it (FEMINISM FTW!), I don’t have much hope.

 

TD: Why no before and after pictures of your wife?

MJ: You think I’m fucking stupid, Hans?

TD: Has anyone submitted before and after kids photos where the after is an improvement? If so, do you have an explanation for these aberrations? 

MJ: I have an explanation: they’re rich and/or they have a nanny. But they’ll never be on my Instagram because listening to someone explain how their life has improved after having kids is not only not funny, it’s flat-out RUDE.

TD: Well, thanks for sitting down with me for this fascinating interview.

MJ: This was done over email. You’re not fooling anyone, idiot.

Of course, Mike isn’t the only Dad staffer who #gottoddlered.

Here’s the bossman himself, Joel Willis:

 

Here’s comedian Josh Sneed:

 

And here’s yours truly!

Pee-Wee Football Player Gets Pumped Up on the Sidelines

Jim Gaffigan Has Something to Say About Beer

(Getty/master1305/Tom Briglia)

A general rule of thumb when making small talk: Don’t talk about religion, politics, or beer preferences.

All three are bound to erupt into heated debates. In the dad community beer in particular tends to be an extremely touchy subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a beer amazing or downright sacrilegious, and comedian Jim Gaffigan is no different.

You’re either in full agreement with Jim’s purist perspective or cracking your knuckles to write a scathing comment touting your superior craft beer palate.

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

Back To School Photo Fails

(Facebook.com/DaveHannem)

Parents love to capture the moment on the first day back to school, but sometimes that moment isn’t what we envisioned. Check out these hilarious back to school photo fails from The Dad community.

(Instagram.com/cheeksmagee)
(Facebook.com/KellySmith)
(Instagram.com/abbyjmccoy)
(Instagram.com/instagramycohen)
(Facebook.com/DaveHannem)
(Instagram.com/JoyScribner)
(Instagram.com/bullitt.with.a.name)
(Facebook.com/KristenMadral)
(Instagram.com/heatherdtomlinson)

Dad Grades – Hal from Malcolm in the Middle

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Years before his dark turn as meth kingpin Heisenberg, Bryan Cranston starred as Hal on the criminally under-appreciated sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle. While his sadistically overbearing wife, Lois, was perpetually at wits end with their four mischievous sons, the much more care-free Hal happily took the passenger seat in their parenting roles.

DAD STRENGTHS

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Hal is a loving husband and father. He shows Lois affection through raw animalistic passion and utter dependence. He even admits to it, once telling Lois that he and their boys are not smart enough to function without her, and in return can only offer his total obedience.

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

Dancing Dad Embarrasses Daughter at Baseball Game [VIDEO]

Being a dad involves a lot of anxiety, drudgery, and stress. Sometimes you get to enjoy the perks of parenting, like embarrassing your children on television. Or in the stands at a Cubs game.

Or both!

This dad knows what’s up. He ignores his daughter’s attempts to get him to stop dancing and then doubles down on the silly moves.

Father Figures: Be Positive

“My twin girls (Faye and Felicia) are both autistic.

Felicia was diagnosed before she was three; she’s non verbal and loves life in her own wee bubble. Once she lets you in, it’s amazing. That’s her circle of trust.

Faye is her total opposite, always singing and chatting up a storm. Once they started preschool, we found out that Faye was showing signs of autism that we perhaps overlooked because she was so advanced.

My wife and I, with the assistance of Faye’s teachers, pushed hard to get her assessed, reassessed and diagnosed. Faye is very smart and fooled the specialist in the first assessment regarding extra help in school. We were very lucky when she was diagnosed, because the specialist ASD doctors could still recognize her traits.

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

8-Year-Old Girl Stuns Crowd at Harlem Globetrotters Game [VIDEO]

(YouTube/Harlem Globetrotters)

When the Harlem Globetrotters called Samaya Clark-Gabriel onto the court at halftime of their game, the crowd at Madison Square Garden wasn’t sure what to expect. But at this stage in a Globetrotters game it would certainly take a lot to impress them.

First she just started dribbling.

But then she started dribbling two basketballs at once. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold and DOING A SPLIT.

Wow. Did they sign her yet?

Big Dad Rides Small Bike as a Tribute to Late Daughter

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

Peter Williams of Penzance, England is showing incredible strength after the loss of his daughter. On Friday at 10am, he began a 211-mile ride to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity.

In 2015, Peter lost his 7-year-old daughter, Ellie, to a rare form of brain cancer, only six months after she was diagnosed.

To honor his daughter he decided to begin his ride at Bristol Children’s Hospital where Ellie was treated. He’s also making the entire trip on her little pink bike, which is only 20″ high. Given Peter is 6 feet tall, that’s going to make for an additional challenge, but he’s up for it.

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.