The astral penis appeared in the sky above central Washington state, in a small town called Okanogon. And about the only thing more incredible than the sudden appearance of man-meat in the atmosphere are the various reactions to it.

So i guess someone had enough money and time to draw a dick in the sky with an airplane today😂😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/8f3ZavoQy2

— James (@JamesFarmer112) November 16, 2017

One Okanogon resident expressed dismay at having to explain the drawing to her young children, who were apparently born without genitalia, like Barbie dolls. The man who tweeted the picture, however, seemed to take things a bit less seriously.

“I was in shock,” James Farmer told VICE. “I was just thinking, That dude’s wild as fuck for doing that.”

He’s right, it is “wild as fuck.” Also “wild as fuck?” James Farmer, for saying “wild as fuck!” I don’t think I’m ever going to stop saying “wild as fuck,” despite the fact that I’m unlikely to see anything as wild as a fucking sky dick.

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James isn’t the only Washington resident with a flair for language. Local news outlet KREM straight-up killed me with their headline: “Graphic: Navy admits to being involved in obscene skydrawings spotted in Okanogan Co.”

NAVY ADMITS. I wish I could have listened in on that reporter’s call.

“You want answers?”
“I want THE TRUTH (about the giant sky-dick)!”
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH (about the giant sky-dick)!”

Unfortunately, the Navy’s actual statement was a bit less dick-based: “The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable.”

Sounds like the pilot may be stuck between a rock and a sky-penis, but at least no one got hurt. In fact, the Federal Aviation Administration admitted as much to KREM: “FAA officials said unless the act poses a safety risk, there is nothing they can do about it.”

Unfortunately, the sky declined The Dad’s interview request, but sources say the giant sky dick was definitely bigger than its last boyfriend’s.

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But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.