Is that a dick in the sky or are you just happy to see me?
Sometimes, when things are at their bleakest, a hero emerges. It’s not always the hero you hope for, or the hero you need, but if you’re lucky, it is the hero you deserve.
I can think of no better example than the hero Navy pilot who took time out of his training operations to indulge his creative side, using the contrails of his jet fighter to draw a giant dick in the sky.
This gives new meaning to beloved painter Bob Ross’s “happy little clouds.”
The astral penis appeared in the sky above central Washington state, in a small town called Okanogon. And about the only thing more incredible than the sudden appearance of man-meat in the atmosphere are the various reactions to it.
One Okanogon resident expressed dismay at having to explain the drawing to her young children, who were apparently born without genitalia, like Barbie dolls. The man who tweeted the picture, however, seemed to take things a bit less seriously.
“I was in shock,” James Farmer told VICE. “I was just thinking, That dude’s wild as fuck for doing that.”
He’s right, it is “wild as fuck.” Also “wild as fuck?” James Farmer, for saying “wild as fuck!” I don’t think I’m ever going to stop saying “wild as fuck,” despite the fact that I’m unlikely to see anything as wild as a fucking sky dick.
James isn’t the only Washington resident with a flair for language. Local news outlet KREM straight-up killed me with their headline: “Graphic: Navy admits to being involved in obscene skydrawings spotted in Okanogan Co.”
NAVY ADMITS. I wish I could have listened in on that reporter’s call.
“You want answers?”
“I want THE TRUTH (about the giant sky-dick)!”
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH (about the giant sky-dick)!”
Unfortunately, the Navy’s actual statement was a bit less dick-based: “The Navy holds its aircrew to the highest standards and we find this absolutely unacceptable, of zero training value and we are holding the crew accountable.”
Sounds like the pilot may be stuck between a rock and a sky-penis, but at least no one got hurt. In fact, the Federal Aviation Administration admitted as much to KREM: “FAA officials said unless the act poses a safety risk, there is nothing they can do about it.”
Unfortunately, the sky declined The Dad’s interview request, but sources say the giant sky dick was definitely bigger than its last boyfriend’s.