Your kids are hungry for the 3,085th time since sunrise, your wife is pissed off because she had to pick up all of your socks that didn’t make it into the hamper from the free throw line, aka the doorway, and your house looks like the hotel wake up scene in The Hangover. Omg, is there a baby in the closet?

Parenting is not what you expected and you’re feeling like a total failure. You could implement some practical behavior correcting techniques from a parenting magazine and look into some therapy sessions like a responsible adult, or you could read the rest of this article about a parent who’s doing a way crappier job than you and feel instantly better about yourself.

Next time your kids start mouthing off about not wanting to eat the pizza pocket you slaved over the microwave for because it “tastes like bubbling lava,” you can inform them that some kids eat regurgitated death meat their parents chewed off the walls.

“Bring it in, kids. Daddy has a bedtime story for you.

Once upon a time, a man and a woman found a rotting carcass that they rolled into a ball and spit on its hairless body – because they removed all of it themselves – to preserve its body. Then they buried the corpse so that they could live inside of it, but also eat it. Kinda like that story about the gingerbread house you guys love so much.”

“Daddy, I’m scared.”

“Yeah, it’s terrifying, pumpkin, you should be. Anyway, so the two of them did a little dance so they could have kids and be a mommy and daddy only the mommy had more kids than she could take care of so she ate some of them. The mommy and daddy only had one thing on the menu for their kids to eat. Can you imagine that? One thing instead of a list of, like, five things that the kids just ate without whining about it!”

“What did they eat, daddy?”

“They ate puke, honey, and not even their own. They ate their parents’ puke after they ate the rotting flesh of their fun little meat house.”

No, that’s not Ed Gein as a dad. I’m talking about the burying beetle.

Male burying beetles fight over the carcasses of small animals like birds and mice and then spritz their pheromones around like Sex Panther by Odeon to attract a female. Females, on the other hand, can fertilize their own eggs using leftover sperm from beetles who previously occupied the carcass and “knew each other in the biblical sense” and I don’t know whether I should be fascinated or super grossed out.

Burying beetles preserve the corpse they’ve found by pulling out all of its hair and covering it with antifungal and antibacterial secretions they produce in their mouths and their butts [snicker, snicker] then roll it into a ball and bury it in the ground to live in. There’s not enough shiplap in the world for that fixer-upper. Once the female has babies, the brood feeds off of the carcass with a side of regurgitation.

Too many mouths to feed? While other parents would take on a second job or work on a budget, burying beetles will cull their young. There’s a fun animal fact you can tell the next kid that asks for a snack two minutes after not eating their damn dinner.

• Eat their children
• Make their family live inside of a rotting cadaver
• Feed their kids vomit

So, you can’t afford that American Girl doll for your daughter and your son’s teacher is concerned about the family portrait he drew where you’re screaming and on fire? Well, at least you’re not eating the kids, so who comes out tops in this parenting toss-up? You do.

Sometimes being in the right place at the right time means the difference between life and death. During a winter that seems as full of surprises as the baffling phenomenon that was 2020, much of the U.S. can’t seem to catch a break. Texas was hit particularly hard by the abnormal weather, with freezing temperatures and snow that left the entire state in shock. Aside from the impact the weather had on necessities like electricity and water, many Texas residents themselves were unsure how to cope with the cold.

18-Year-old Caitlyn Thomas, like many Texans, was not a fan of the snow. Her dog needed a walk, but the cold made the generally enjoyable task completely unappealing. Unbothered by the snow and ice caking the ground, Caitlyn’s dog persisted – and like any good dog owner, Caitlyn relented. She bundled up, leashed her eager dog, and the pair headed out for a walk.

Caitlyn held the leash in one hand and her phone in the other, likely distracting herself from the frost crunching beneath her feet. In a stroke of incredible luck, Caitlyn’s attention returned sharply to her surroundings in the precise place and time it was needed.

“I was playing on my phone and then I look up and I see this little image in the water and I walk up to it and realize it a little boy,” Caitlyn told ArkLaTex Homepage. “It instantly clicked in my brain like, ‘Oh my gosh, I have to help him!’”

The panicked teen was unsure of how to describe the boy’s location to an emergency dispatcher, so she began pounding on nearby doors to no avail. The quick-thinking teen called her grandfather, Randy Thomas, who lived only a block away. Minutes later, Thomas arrived at the scene, not even taking the time to put on a coat.

Caitlyn dialed 9-1-1, but not wanting to wait any longer, Randy Thomas jumped in the water next to the boy. Fueled by adrenaline and the knowledge that time was running out, Thomas was able to pull the young boy from the frigid water with the help of a few good samaritans and even the boy’s dog. Though he was too cold to speak and missing his shoes, the boy was conscious and otherwise unharmed.

If one thing had gone differently for Caitlyn on that life-changing day, the story may have ended differently. An awe-stricken Caitlyn explained, “I’m just so thankful that God sent me out on a walk in that direction because I was debating on going a different way.”

Sometimes, even with countless cable channels and streaming platforms and different ways to watch stuff, it boggles the mind that they keep making new shows. Especially when those new shows are just new versions of old shows!

We’re getting new He-Man shows, new Avatar shows, and now we’re getting a new Transformers show. Two of them, in fact!

On Thursday, Hasbro announced a brand new Transformers animated series that will live on Nickelodeon, and it will focus on the interaction between a brand new species of Transformers and the humans they befriend. As well as some well-known characters from the past.

“As soon as I read the creative concept, which at its core is about family, I knew we absolutely had to tell this story with our good friends at eOne and Hasbro,” said Ramsey Naito, President, Nickelodeon Animation. “The series will tell a reimagined story featuring both original characters and fan-favorites for a whole new generation of kids and families.”

Meanwhile, Netflix announced a new animated comedy series called Transformers: BotBots, which focuses on mischievous little robots who disguise themselves as ordinary objects and wreak hilarious havoc.

“We are delighted to partner with Netflix to bring an all-new Transformers story to life and explore a whole new universe with BotBots,” said Olivier Dumont, Hasbro eOne’s President of Family Brands. “Transformers storytelling has expanded into so many new avenues and we can’t wait to surprise both existing fans and new fans coming to the franchise for the first time with these fun bots who are definitely more than meets the eye!”

The toys, and their accompanying shows and movies, have been around since 1984, and it doesn’t sound like they’ll be going away anytime soon.

Unlike my Optimus Prime toy that the evil Ms. Giovine confiscated when I wouldn’t put it away during third-grade math.

They’ve been trying to get Superman right for years.

Ever since Christopher Reeve embodied the character in Richard Donner’s classic (and its classic sequel), Hollywood has been trying to recapture that magic. It was gone as early as Superman III and hasn’t really been back.

Maybe you love Dean Cain or Tom Welling’s TV versions, maybe you ride for Zack Snyder’s gloomy, homicidal hero, but none of those versions have erased Reeve’s seminal take or brought the hero back to prominence. He continues to take a backseat to Batman, Spider-man, and most recently, the Avengers.

It’s time for some new blood, and now we’re gonna get it.

Ta-Nehisi Coates, the celebrated black writer who helped shape the MCU’s Black Panther and has been at the forefront of America’s discussions about race for the past decade-plus, has been tapped by DC and Warner Bros to write a new Superman movie. The movie is being produced by JJ Abrams, who once wrote his own controversial script for a Superman reboot before Bryan Singer and Brandon Routh revived Richard Donner’s version with 2006’s Superman Returns.

“To be invited into the DC Extended Universe by Warner Bros., DC Films and Bad Robot is an honor,” Coates said in a statement. “I look forward to meaningfully adding to the legacy of America’s most iconic mythic hero.”

The first question that’s going to come up is: are we getting a black Superman now? No one knows. They don’t have a script or a director yet, and casting is a long way away. But just because they’ve hired a black writer does not mean he has to write a black character (in fact, aside from the celebrated take on Black Panther, Coates also wrote a recent series for Captain America). Especially when that character is an alien inherently different from, and often at odds with, the culture he adopts. That said, a black version would certainly be a change of pace, and would offer some interesting opportunities.

“Ta-Nehisi Coates’s ‘Between the World and Me’ opened a window and changed the way many of us see the world,” said Toby Emmerich, chairman of Warner Bros. Pictures Group. “We’re confident that his take on Superman will give fans a new and exciting way to see the Man of Steel.”

Either way, there is plenty of metaphorical space to explore with this character, who was conceived by marginalized Jewish artists as a representation of American, and human, ideals and whose own outsiderness has been used to comment on plenty of societal issues, including immigration, civil rights, and more. As a symbol for America, the Big Blue Boy Scout is well within his rights to engage with the modern state of the country, and the world. And Ta-Nehisi Coates is a gifted writer with a keen eye for human issues, and will surely write a compelling character, whether they end up casting Michael B. Jordan or some blue-eyed kid from Riverdale.

The biggest question isn’t what Superman looks like, it’s how he acts, and what kind of tone the film has. For the past 10 years, the cinematic version of the most famous superhero of all has been focused on darkness, and grit, and inner turmoil. I think it’s time to move on from that.

Superman can exist in a complicated, troubled world without succumbing to that darkness himself. He should be a hero who strives to lead by positive example, who inspires us to be better, who shows us all what we can be.

No matter what color he is.

Human or animal, surgery is no fun. After a stressful hospital stay, all anyone recovering from an operation wants is to relax and heal in the comfort of their own home. Chris Evans, dog dad extraordinaire, has proven time and time again that he’ll do just about anything for his rescue dog, Dodger. The pair plays together, naps together, and are there for each other through thick and thin.

Without a doubt, Dodger is one lucky dog. He had a tough start, as an adult dog living in a shelter – puppies go quickly, but some adult dogs wait years before finding their forever home. In his first major stroke of luck, Dodger was discovered by Evans while the Captain America actor was filming a movie nearby. Ever since, the pair have been inseparable.

Even after finding his best friend, Dodger hit additional roadblocks. In July, Evans posted a photo on his Dodger-filled Instagram, a picture of his beloved pup recovering from surgery.

 

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A post shared by Chris Evans (@chrisevans)

Dodger recovered well after his first surgery, but according to Evans, the resilient boxer-mix needed a second hip replacement. Like any doting dad, Chris was by Dodger’s side as soon as he was out of the animal hospital. This time though, Chris had an adorable surprise for the groggy pup.

“Hip replacement #2 completed! Such a trooper. He’ll be back in action in no time,” Chris shared on Instagram.

After the photo of Dodger’s stitched-up leg, Chris shared a photo featuring some slightly less professional, but extremely important stitches. The doctor was none other than the actor himself, and the patient? Well, Dodger’s other best friend.

 

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A post shared by Chris Evans (@chrisevans)

“Yesterday while he was in surgery, so was his favorite lion (which had been on IR since November after a nasty tear). I’ve never sewn anything before but I’m pretty proud of my hack job,” Chris said. “They’re both happily recovering in each other’s company.”

There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, dog, or human. But doing little things to show you care, even if they’re out of your comfort zone, truly makes you one of the greats.

“The Silence of the Lambs” was partly about a man named Buffalo Bill who entertained a guest in his home. OK, he may have been a serial killer and the guest may have been kidnapped, but the new owner of the home featured in the film is hoping that will give it just enough charm for people to want to pay money to stay the night. Buffalo Bill’s house is becoming a Bed and Breakfast.

The new owner of the house, who bought it earlier this year for nearly $300k, plans to do some small renovations to make it more accommodating but will be keeping all of the creepy old-wallpaper, pocket doors, wood trim, and other furnishings that will remind fans of the movie.

The basement does NOT, however, have a well to torture victims in. The owner WILL, however, be adding said well. Though he claims it’s mostly for photo ops.

The three-story, four-bedroom house just outside Pittsburgh looks just as creepy as you remember it from the movie. And the timing is good, in a sense, as the film nears its 30th anniversary and the franchise receives a revival of sorts with the new “Clarice” show.

One of the previous owners of the home was an FBI agent, which is a fun little fact for such a creepy home. And soon you will be able to (try to) sleep in that creepy home.

‘Silence of the Lambs’ house in Pennsylvania becoming bed and breakfast https://t.co/FfA5GQvYv4 pic.twitter.com/f9eJnAiCpm

— WKBN 27 First News (@WKBN) February 19, 2021

Guests will be sure to receive only the finest lotion to put on their skin, and a sleepless night full of nightmares.

Tomorrow, Pokemon celebrates it’s 25th anniversary… which is kind of insane to think about since that means I was 10 when the very first Pokemon game released.

Anyway, now that I’ve just realized how old I actually am, Nintendo dropped a couple of new announcements for fans today during a ‘Pokemon Presents’ livestream.

The first announcement was for Nintendo Switch remakes of Pokemon Diamond & Pearl.  Originally released on the Nintendo DS back in 2006, these new versions will both be releasing later this year and feature updated graphics on top of the classic Pokemon gameplay.

The other announcement is actually a pretty big deal since we’ve never seen this kind of gameplay before in the franchise.  A Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild style game called Pokemon Legends: Arceus will be releasing early 2022 and will break new ground for the beloved series.  It takes place in the Sinnoh region (the same one as Diamond & Pearl) but features a vast open-world for you to explore.  Check out the trailer down below.

Well Nintendo, ya got me.  It looks like my kids and I are going to be catching them all… again.

Every job has different metrics for measuring success. Maybe you have regular performance reviews, sales goals to hit, or maybe being successful at your job means landing a freaking rover on Mars. Father and engineer Alejandro Miguel San Martin has worked for NASA for 35 years, and in that time, he’s made history time and time again. This time, however, San Martin’s daughter was able to capture the incredible moment on camera.

Because of COVID, NASA’s work on their most recent rover, Perseverance, has looked a bit different. Rather than working alongside his team in person, San Martin turned his daughter’s childhood bedroom into a makeshift mission control room.

“Touchdown! Never thought my childhood bedroom would become my dads covid mission control – but could not be more proud of the Jet Propulsion Lab EDL team!!!” Madeleine San Martín shared on Instagram. “5/5 for Mars Rover Landings, let’s celebrate!!”

 

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In the heartwarming video captured by the NASA engineer’s daughter, San Martin quite literally jumps out of his chair with excitement upon learning that the Perseverance mission was a success.

“YES!!!” San Martin exclaims, throwing his hands in the air after receiving confirmation that Perseverance safely touched down. He kisses his daughter and puts his head in his hands, watching with tears in his eyes as his peers celebrate on screen. “Unbelievable” he marvels, both laughing and crying.

After 35 years with NASA, San Martin has helped land five rovers safely on Mars. Even after experiencing such massive success four times previously, the thrill of making a monumental mark in history clearly doesn’t get old. This NASA dad’s work is out of this world, and San Martin is over the moon about it.

Sony held a ‘State of Play’ livestream today to show off some of the new games coming to PS4 and PS5 in 2021.  We didn’t hear any news on highly anticipated releases like God of War: Ragnarok or Horizon 2: Forbidden West, but that’s okay because we’ve got all these to tide us over until then.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake gets a PS5 upgrade

Final Fantasy 7 is one of the greatest RPG’s of all time, and I don’t think anyone thought the remake was going to turn out just as good as it did.  I was blown away and this updated PS5 version will contain a new playable episode featuring the lovable thief Yuffie.  If you already own the PS4 version, it’ll be a free upgrade to PS5.  You can transfer your saved data too, which is always awesome.

Final Fantasy 7 Remake Intergrade will release for PS5 on June 10th, 2021

New Trailer for Kena: Bridge of Spirits

Kena: Bridge of Spirits is going to be a gorgeous, story-driven action-adventure with fast-paced combat, and it’s nice to see an actual release date attached to it.  Kena was originally supposed to release in the first quarter of 2021, but now we know for sure we’ll be playing it this August.

Kena: Bridge of Spirits releases for PS4 & PS5 on August 24th, 2021

Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time coming to Playstation 5

It looks like we’re getting an enhanced version of Crash Bandicoot 4!  This PS5 version will feature faster loading times, save transfers, 3D Audio Support, Adaptive Triggers and other DualSense features, and the game will run at 4K/60 FPS.  Oh, and it’ll be a free upgrade as well if you already own the PS4 version.

Crash Bandicoot 4: It’s About Time PS5 upgrade releases on March 12th, 2021

New Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach Trailer

My eight-year-old son can’t get enough of these Fight Nights at Freddy’s (or FNAF as he calls them) games.  I’ve tried playing them with him, but man the jump scares get me every time.  This next installment allows you to venture around an open mall instead of just being stuck inside one area.  Just like the other FNAF games, you’ll use an assortment of gadgets to try and protect yourself as you’re hunted down by killer animatronics.  Can’t wait to get suckered into playing this one too!

Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach will release for PS4 & PS5 in 2021

Oddworld: Soulstorm will launch in April

Oddworld has been around since the PS1 days, and it’s great to see it making a return on next-gen consoles.  Oddworld is a unique side-scroller where you take on the role of reluctant hero Abe.  You’ll have to solve various puzzles to rescue your fellow mudokons from certain doom, and what’s cool is if you have an active Playstation Plus subscription, this will be free for you to download when it releases!

Oddworld: Soulstorm releases for PS4 & PS5 on April 6th, 2021

Knockout City Gameplay Spotlight

This team-based, dodgeball battle royale looks like a blast.  It’s coming to both Playstation 4 and Nintendo Switch with cross-platform functionality, so if you and your kids have different systems, you’ll still be able to play together.  If you want to check out the game early, you can sign up for the Cross-Platform beta at the official Knockout City website.

Knockout City releases for PS4 & Nintendo Switch on May 21st, 2021

Time to get your Martial Arts moves on in SIFU

SIFU looks badass.  No details were announced regarding the story, but the gameplay looks like hand-to-hand combat mixed with what seems to be some kind of aging mechanic.  When you lose, your character gets older.  Not sure how that will tie into gameplay, but I’m intrigued.  Give us more info please Sony.

SIFU will release on PS5 in 2021

“My dad was literally my biggest fan, anything I did he gained an interest in.

I got my Paramedic license in 2018 and gave him my first patch. It’s still on his desk where he propped it up to be seen every day. He then joined the local CERT team and told anyone who dared come within earshot that his son was a medic.

If I absolutely needed money, food, or gas as a budding adult making my way, he would take care of it – despite not really having the money to do so. He was always at my games growing up despite working the overnight shift and having a part time job in the mornings. I don’t know how he did it.

He got to meet my two boys that made him a grandpa and I could see the joy in his eyes when he was around them. Unfortunately, he was taken from us suddenly in January of 2020.

When I was 20 I went through a breakup and had to move home and was pretty beat up about it. My dad repainted the bathroom in our basement and put up a dartboard in my room trying to do whatever he could to ease my fall back in the nest.

I was home for his services in NH and opened the door to the bathroom he painted and saw him standing there encouraging me like the day I moved home, then walked back to my old room and walked across the throw line he spray painted on the floor and cried my face off.

We will miss him forever and we are all in a better place in life, directly related to his sacrifices, and I strive to do the same to honor him. Call your dad if you still can boys…. you never know when he will be gone.”

– Patrick Kelley

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