Superbowl Ads That Could Heal The World

(Getty/gpointstudio)

If you’re a brand, running an advertisement during the Super Bowl can be like stepping onto the world’s biggest soapbox. Each year, over 100 million people watch the Super Bowl. That’s a lot of eyes and ears susceptible to your message, should you choose to include one. If any of the following brands are looking to potentially heal the planet this year, here are some free ad ideas.

Taco Bell

In 2007, Taco Bell introduced the concept of “Fourth Meal” by way of ad campaign, presumably after some marketing suit shot down the slogan “Drunk Food” for being too sincere. More than a decade later, the recklessly inventive Tex-Mex fast-food chain has yet to make use of those hours between 4 and 6 A.M.

In this commercial, a taxi full of belligerent drunks rolls up to the Taco Bell drive-thru just as the radio clock strikes 4 A.M.

(Getty/Tim Boyle)

“Kevin, you idiot! I told you we should’ve called the taxi earlier!” one yells. “Me? Chris is the one who couldn’t find his shoes,” Kevin volleys. An increasingly contentious argument unfolds, just as a lively, chipper voice comes through the speaker box: “Welcome to Taco Bell, I’ll take your order whenever you’re ready!” Everyone in the taxi, the driver included, is speechless. The text “#5” appears on screen with no accompanying audio. Every American household will breathe a collective sigh of relief knowing that jobs have been successfully created.

Coors

Honesty has become somewhat of an antiquated notion in 2018 America, and beer commercials have a knack for coming off as particularly disingenuous. Budweiser routinely utilizes puppies and Clydesdales in their Super Bowl ad campaigns as if they’re product isn’t currently being vomited into a washing machine by some guy in a Gronkowski jersey. The marketing strategy behind Coors Light, however, is downright baffling. Everyone in any given Coors Light commercial is either windsurfing, spiking a volleyball, or scaling a snowy mountain.

The ad is simple: a young, adventurous mountaineer ascends to the frozen peak of Mount Robson in Colorado. He drops his gear in the snow, removes a single can of Coors Light from his backpack, and takes a sizable swig as he gazes down the 13,000 feet of conquered rock below him. He exhales a deep, visible breath. Brave. Heroic. The lengthy, arduous climb a small price to pay for such a majestic view. The guy then wakes up. It was a dream. He’s lying on his kitchen floor.

(Getty/Yuri_Arcurs)

He has six missed calls and a lone text message that reads “ur paying for this screen door.”

Coors.

Brawny Paper Towels

One year ago, the world was introduced to the new Mr. Clean.

(source - YouTube)

Viewer consensus was split. Some were on board. Some sat in quiet discomfort, uneasy with the sudden, jarring sexualization of a household cleaning product. Hopefully, Brawny Paper Towels offers up some sort of antithesis to this bizarre commercial on Sunday. In my proposed ad, a mom is looking after her energetic, raucous children on a Saturday afternoon. Uh-oh. One kid just spilled his grape juice on the counter. What’s a mother to do? In comes the Brawny Paper Towels lumberjack. No, not that one. Not the handsome, chiseled, burly face of the brand we’ve all grown accustomed to. No. Meet your new Brawny Paper Towel mascot.

(reddit/u/ill_take_two)

“Looks like you could use some help,” he says.

The woman screams. “Who are you and how did you get in my house?”

“Grape juice on a white countertop can be a real pain in the ass,” he continues. “Not to worry. I’ve got just the paper towel for the job.”

The woman frantically corrals her children into a bedroom and calls the police as the new Brawny lumberjack struggles to tear open the plastic packaging on a six-pack of paper towels. He begins rifling through the kitchen drawers, finally finds the silverware, and uses a butter knife to puncture the plastic. We hear a muffled “Yes, hello… there is a man in my house pretending to be the Brawny paper towel lumberjack” coming from the bedroom. The Brawny lumberjack cleans up the grape juice and sets the roll down next to the paper towel holder. “This countertop marble?” he shouts.

The mom looks out the bedroom window. In the house across the street, a woman watches as a sexy Mr. Clean mops her dining room floor.

KFC

The lights are low. A pair of black dress shoes enters frame. We slowly pan up a crisp, white suit, complete with string bowtie. The new KFC colonel has arrived. Paparazzi have coalesced around him. Cameras flash. A woman in an “I HEART NASHVILLE HOT” t-shirt faints. We finally see his face. “Hey buuuuddy.”

It’s Paul Shore. We hold on his face as the voice-over announcer begins: “That’s right. The Colonel is Pauly Shore now. How’s that sound? Yeah? Because we tried Reba McEntire and you misogynistic assholes lost your minds. Well, guess what? It’s Pauly Shore now, and there’s nothing you can do about it. Eight-year contract. Remember Bio-Dome? Jury Duty? Yeah? Have fun remembering those every time you drive past one of our franchises, idiot. You know, Danny Trejo auditioned. Your new Colonel Sanders
could’ve been Machete, for Christ’s sake. Blew us away in the audition, in fact. But then we got a flurry of emails spewing vulgar, impossibly sexist language in regards to our first female colonel. Jesus. You’d think heavily-caricaturized brand ambassadors would be safe from you chauvinistic jackasses, but no. You ingrates. You absolute ingrates. When was the last new Ronald McDonald? Hmm? Does McDonald’s give you a new actor to portray their beloved mascot every year? That’s what we thought. So now, you get Pauly Shore. Good job.” Colonel Pauly then performs his “weasel” routine in its entirety.

The Moment Nike Signs Their First Athlete With Cerebral Palsy [WATCH]

(YouTube/Elevation 0m)

Getting an endorsement deal is huge for any athlete, from winning quarterbacks to backup catchers. Getting an endorsement deal for running cross-country is noteworthy. Getting an endorsement deal for running track when you have cerebral palsy is downright unheard of.

At least, it was.

Enter Justin Gallegos, a junior at the University of Oregon.

Justin joined the cross-country team his freshman year of high school, didn’t start running to try to win. He just wanted the exercise, and appreciated the benefits the activity provided to his body. But now, thanks to Nike surprising him with a contract, he’ll see some financial benefits too.

“I saw that it was improving my quality of life. It was making me stronger. It really didn’t matter that I was finishing last in most of the races,” Justin told “I saw that it was improving my quality of life. It was making me stronger. It really didn’t matter that I was finishing last in most of the races,” Gallegos told FOX 12.”

When Gallegos started running in high school, he fell down a lot. His cerebral palsy makes running a lot more difficult. But he persevered, and slowly improved. In April, he finished his first half-marathon.

Still, when he showed up to race on October 6th and saw the cameras, he had no idea they were for him. But when he crossed the finish line, a Nike representative was there waiting for him with a contract, making Justin the first athlete with cerebral palsy to sign such a deal with the famous sneaker company.

“I just wanted to share something with you guys,” said insights director to the runners gathered at the finish line. “One of your teammates has been working pretty hard the last couple years, and Nike has recognized that. So today I am giving him the Nike contract [to be an] official Nike athlete.”

The heartwarming moment was capture on video:


Justin was stunned, but happy. “I’m so grateful to have been apart of this story where so many people put their names in history books, and make records, and break records,” Gallegos said. “It’s a been a dream come true.”

He’s working with Nike on developing sneakers for people with disabilities.

Congrats Justin!

Father Figures: From Preemie to M.D.

“I remember when our little Kirsten was born early.

She was right around 5 pounds and her little lungs weren’t quite up to the task of being called into service ahead of schedule. I remember the absolute joy of seeing her for the first time, quickly followed by the anguish of having her whisked away from us. I had no idea what the next few months would bring: victories that brought tears of joy followed by setbacks that made me scream “why?”

Emergency flights to Vancouver.
The unbearable heartache of being sent home for Christmas without being able to bring her with us.
The helpless feeling knowing that I had to put all of my hopes and dreams in the doctors hands.

I remember the pain of watching her in a little oxygen chamber, unable to hold her, unable to make it all better.

As a parent it feels like your only job is to make your baby safe, and here I stood on the very first day, the very first shift of my new task and I couldn’t do it. I was helpless. I was failing at the only job that mattered at that point.

But it turns out I wasn’t failing. Just staying strong and believing that everything would be alright was its own victory.

The job description had temporarily changed for a while is all. And when that little ray of sunshine does break free of the clouds she will shine brighter than you ever imagined possible.

My daughter, who was born 8 weeks premature, is now in her 4th year of med school and will be a doctor in six months.”

– Marty Anderson

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Sean Lennon Shares Photo of His Dad on Their Birthday

Sharing a birthday with someone else in your family isn’t always all it’s cracked up to be. But sharing a birthday with your dad can be pretty cool, especially when he was one of the most famous musicians of all time.

Legendary Beatle John Lennon was born on October 9, 1940. His son Sean was born on the same day 35 years later. Sean was only five years old when his father was tragically murdered outside the Dakota Hotel in Manhattan.

Sean celebrated his 43rd birthday and what would have been his dad’s 78th birthday, by posting a picture of the two of them on Instagram.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

Happy Bday To Us…

A post shared by Sean Ono Lennon (@sean_ono_lennon) on

The photo shows John holding his young son while he blows out the candles on a birthday cake. Sean, a musician himself, captioned the photo, “Happy birthday to us…” and it has received over 42,000 likes and more than 2,000 comments on Instagram.

Sean is no stranger to Instagram sensations. A few months ago he posted a picture of himself and another Beatle’s progeny, James McCartney, son of Paul. Is there a better way to pay homage to the Lennon/McCartney songwriting duo than this?

View this post on Instagram

Peekaboo…

A post shared by Sean Ono Lennon (@sean_ono_lennon) on

That selfie, featuring the two Beatles’ sons looking very much like their dads (and James holding a guitar) got more than 50,000 likes from Beatles fans all over the world. Hopefully next time Sean posts with his friend James, it’s a video of them playing together.

Might I suggest something from Sgt. Pepper’s?

Dad Finds Mold in Capri Sun Drink Pouch

(Facebook/Cameron Hardwick)

Everyone knows the worst part about Capri Suns is the years of medical school you have to endure just to have the training required to correctly insert the straw without destroying it or destroying the pouch.

But it turns out there’s a bigger concern, and thanks to one vigilant dad, parents everywhere now know to look out for it.

Cameron Hardwick, a dad in Indiana, was preparing a pouch of Capri Sun for one of his kids, as a treat for eating a good dinner. But as he was opening the juice, he noticed something strange. He posted a video showcasing what he found, on his Facebook page.

The caption to the video reads:

*Public Service Announcement!** Friends & family please read & share! So tonight after dinner our oldest asked for some “juice” (Capri Sun) as a treat for eating good, I grabbed one out of the refrigerator and notice something odd about it… it seems low in content, I take a closer look at the packaging and don’t notice a hole or anything. So I shake it up some, only to find an unknown substance floating around in the package. To say we are irate would be an understatement… we don’t give these to our children often but will NEVER again! #SERIOUSLY #CapriSun

To their credit, Capri Sun responded quickly to Cameron’s concerns, posting a response on Facebook.

“Thanks again, Cameron, for bringing this to our attention and sharing more information with others. Although it’s rare, it is possible for mold to grow inside containers of preservative-free juice drinks if the pouch is punctured in any way on its journey from our facilities to your home. We understand it’s unpleasant, but the mold is naturally-occurring, just like if you left an apple on your counter for too long and mold begins to grow.”

They even sent someone to his house to investigate the pouch.

Capri Sun has long been aware of the possibility of mold in their drink, and they address the issue on their website via a FAQ:

“Will the mold make my child sick?”
“The mold is naturally-occurring, and we understand your concerns. That’s why we created our clear bottom pouches so you can check for mold before enjoying your Capri Sun, while still remaining committed to keeping our drinks free of artificial preservatives.”

Dad Invents Genius Way to Make Gamer Kids Exercise

(YouTube/Jeremy Fielding)

Every parent struggles with getting their kids to turn off the TV or put down the iPad and get some exercise. As technology becomes more and more accessible, and more and more essential, it’s not easy to make that happen.

One ingenious dad found a brilliant way to force his video game loving kids to get the exercise.

Jeremy Fielding is a talented dad of three who shares videos of the engineering projects on his YouTube channel.

His about section describes it this way: “I am fascinated with all things mechanical. Thus many of my projects and videos have a mechanical engineering theme.”

One of those videos features five different things you can make with treadmill parts, including a generator he made from a rowing machine. He got the machine of Craigslist and whatever he paid for it was more than worth it. Because he turned it into a powerful parenting hack.

What does the generator do? It powers his sons’ video games.

The batteries run down in less than a minute, so he and his kids trade-off to ensure there’s enough juice to make their games go. The bottom line? They can’t play unless they pedal and pull. Genius!

Now if they want to play their precious video games, they can, but they can’t do it without getting the exercise they need.

Game over! Dad win!

Before and After Photos of Dad as Son Attempts Game Winning Field Goal

(Twitter/jmhellman1395)

When you’re a sports fan, it can sometimes be hard to watch the big moments, for fear that something will go wrong. And few situations are as fraught as a game-winning field goal kick.

Now imagine you’re watching your team line up for such a kick, only your son is the kicker. Would you be able to watch?

One dad was faced with just that scenario, and a pair of photos posted on Twitter make it clear that his nerves got the best of him!

Last weekend, college football featured an exciting match-up between the Missouri Tigers and the South Carolina Gamecocks. The game was beset by all sorts of issues, from a downpour that made things a lot more difficult for both teams, to lightning strikes that caused two separate delays.

Eventually, the game came down to some last second heroics. South Carolina was down by one, 35-34, when kicker Parker White came out to attempt a game-winning 33-yard field goal. The fans were tense, but they had nothing on Parker’s Dad, who was in the stands in his #43 P. White South Carolina game jersey.

Fellow Gamecock fan and twitter user @jmhellman1395 happened to be seated next to Mr. White, and captured the nervous dad’s pre- and post-kick emotions.

In the before photo, Mr. White is past the point of being on the edge of his seat. He’s down on his knees, perhaps praying, maybe he’s biting his nails? Definitely not quite looking as his son’s team snapped the ball.

(Twitter/jmhellman1395)

And when you see the after photo, you don’t need to be told what happened, because Parker’s dad’s happiness, and the high-five he exchanges with another fan makes it clear that Parker game through and gave South Carolina a 37-35 victory.

(Twitter/jmhellman1395)

And you think you have a hard time watching your team play a close game. You’ve got nothing on the father of a field goal kicker!

The Best Comments of the Week 10/14

(Getty/ljubaphoto)

Every week we pan for comedy gold in the the comments section of our Facebook posts. If your comment cracks us up (or warms our hearts) we’ll showcase it here!

Here’s this week’s roundup of the Best Comments of the Week:

1. Fender Bender

2. Checks and Balances

3. Pushing All Your Buttons

4. The Ants Go Marching

5. Don’t Blink

6. Inked & Irked

7. Another Slice Please!

8. Protect Your Boys

9. The Name Game

9. Great White Betty

10. Let’s Stop Talking About It

Check out the previous edition of our The Best Comments of the Week here.

Metallica Drummer Reveals How Cool His Dad Is for 90th Birthday

(Instagram/larsulrich)

“Happy Birthday Dad. Happy Birthday Molly [Torben’s longtime partner]! And congrats on the big week with the release of not one, but two books, the opening of the Art exhibition and the completion of the latest movie… so fuckin’ inspiring on every level possible!

“And what may be the biggest accomplishment of all, the whole gang being in Copenhagen for four days without a single ‘Hurra, hurra etc’ song per your request!

Make sure to scroll through his second post because it includes 10 awesome photos of Lars and his dad through the ages.

“Since we are Danish and the Danes take their ’round’ birthdays very fuckin’ next-level serious, here is some additional shouting out to my beyond inspirational Dad on his 90th for your viewing pleasure!! Far forhelvede, you’re the coolest of the cool.. do NOT delete that!”

I’m not crying… you’re crying.

Torben has always been a supporter of his son and his music career, but many don’t realize his own amazing story.

Born on October 4, 1928 in Copenhagen, Torben Ulrich was the son of professional tennis player Einer Ulrich.

Following in his father’s footsteps, Torben became a tennis pro himself. He played more than 100 Davis Cup matches for Denmark and, in 1977, right before turning 49, he became the oldest Davis Cup player in history.

Danish tennis player Torben Ulrich at the Wimbledon Tennis Championships, London, 24th June 1970. (Photo by William Lovelace/Daily Express/Getty Images)

He wasn’t just an athlete, however. During his years playing professional tennis, Torben also worked as a writer, musician, filmmaker, painter, actor, and director.

The “do NOT delete that” message at the end of Lars’ post is in reference to a line Torben is known for saying in the Metallica documentary, “Some Kind of Monster.” Lars mentions about that moment:

“Metallica fans know that he’s been a fairly large presence in and out of Metallica’s history for 35 years. There’s a famous clip in ‘Some Kind of Monster’ – a scene where he comes to listen to some of the stuff we were working on [for 2003’s ‘St. Anger’] – he’s standing over the mixing desk and he doesn’t look too pleased.

“And I ask him, ‘What do you think of this music?’ There’s a long, long, long pause, and he goes, ‘I would delete that.’ [Laughs] A lot of Metallica fans know him by association, so it’s very cool.”

Such camaraderie between a famous father-son duo is something rarely seen these days, but it’s like a breath of fresh air when it is.

Happy Birthday, Torben!

 

Dad Puts an End to Backseat Brawls With Genius New Product [VIDEO]

(Getty/Epiximages)

Apparently, there’s something about the backseat of a car that incites road rage in kids. Leave them back there long enough and it will eventually turn into a scene from Enter the Dragon (albeit a version where Bruce Lee just slaps a lot and whines that the bad guys are touching him again).

Sadly, kids quickly realize the “I’ll turn this car around!” threat is an empty one. And handheld devices are only effective for short periods until WW3 eventually erupts.

After almost getting in an accident while breaking up a fight from the driver’s seat – one dad finally came up with a solution. Mark Abay, a Sydney-based father of two, created a genius device called ‘Backseat Carma.’ It’s so wonderfully simple, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of it yourself.

“Every time we got in the car with our kids, they’d fight – it happened time and again which was leading to high-stress levels and distracted driving,” he told Daily Mail.

“Nothing was available on the market, so out of sheer necessity I invented a solution for parents who know the pain and dangers of kids fighting during car journeys.”

Backseat Carma is a large, padded divider that’s secured via seat belt into the middle seat. Not only does it prevent them from touching, the height of the product ensures they can’t even make faces at each other.

In other words, divide and conquer.

(Mark Abay)

The product is constructed out of PI foam—similar to the fabric used in mattresses—and eco-friendly PU leather.

You can pre-order one now for $119, which may seem a but steep for a simple divider, but Abay says the few who have gotten their hands on one early are already raving about it.

‘Most users say peaceful and safe driving is actually worth more than $119 to them. Aside from the high-quality materials used, the real worth is in the problem it solves,’ Mr. Abay said.

And because kids are kids, Backseat Carma is also wipeable and splash-proof, but it still isn’t whine-proof. Looks like we’ll have to wait until Backseat Carma 2.0 for that desirable feature.