The Most Ridiculous Finishing Moves In WWE History

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We all know that the WWE is fake, right? We acknowledge that, yeah? But we don’t care, do we? Damn right we don’t. The WWE is clearly a whole load of fun that we shouldn’t take seriously, and if you don’t agree with that, let me give you a play by play of some of the most ridiculous finishing moves in the franchise history.

Scotty 2 Hotty – The Worm

The Worm is a spectacle, I’ll give you that. It used to be my favorite when I was a kid, because of the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

Let’s take this step by step.

Scotty knocks a person to the ground. He stands above their head and holds his hands out wide, and runs on the spot for a few seconds. The victim continues to lay on the ground.

He then jumps onto his left foot and jumps around maybe 5 steps until he is about half the ring away. Fortunately for Scotty 2 Hotty, they continue to lay on the ground this whole time too.

Then, he does the worm. He literally does the frickin’ worm, until he is close enough to their body to attack (something he could have done the second he knocked them down, but whatever). Somehow they are still laying down, by the way.

Then, after ALL of that showmanship and dancing around, some 30 seconds after he initially knocked the guy to the ground, he literally just falls over and karate chops the dude in the chest. If he just did the karate chop it would be over in less than two seconds, would have the same level of impact, and would probably do little to no damage to the opponent.

The Rock – The People’s Elbow

Along a similar line as the Worm is the People’s Elbow. Now, The Rock is a wrestling legend. Like, he was the best for a long time, won titles, was the global face of the organization. He is probably the most successful breakout from the WWE too, and is now genuinely taken seriously as a Hollywood actor. Bearing that in mind, let’s remind ourselves of the People’s Elbow.

The Rock has knocked some fool to the ground. Good start, The Rock, good job. Then he decides to (Mortal Kombat voice) finish him.

So what does he do? Well, the move is called the People’s Elbow, so presumably he elbows the fool. Well, kind of.

First off, he does some kind of weird dab sort of thing (I guess?) and pulls off his elbow pad and lobs it in the crowd. Sometimes, he takes the other one off and chucks that too, but that’s non-standard.

Then, he runs to the rope and bounces off of it. Okay, you’re thinking, he’s running at the guy, he’s gonna elbow him. He’s been building up speed to elbow him extra good.

This big fella is building up momentum. This elbow is gonna be fierce. He’s been building velocity for what feels like days running into those frickin’ ropes.

But then, he gets there, and he stops! He stops, he kicks his leg up into the air for some reason, and then he elbow the guy.

Rakishi – The Stink Face

After years of training to be a professional wrestler, CLEARLY Rakishi wanted to make a mark on the profession. Who wouldn’t show off their athletic ability?

So Rakishi was this big guy from California who dressed like a sumo wrestler, kind of. Now, if you were the commissioner or script writer or whatever, you are OBVIOUSLY gonna use this to your advantage, right? “Make the fat dude do something with his ass hahaha,” right?

Right. That’s what they did.

Rakishi gets the guy in the corner, and he runs at him and slams his body against him. That’s pretty good, pretty effective. The guy slides down to sit in the corner, slumped against the rope in a sitting position.

Rakishi wanders around the ring for a minute. Then he does this kind of Raise the Roof sort of movement and walks towards the presumably unconscious or at least dazed opponent, and sticks his ass in their face.

I guess the smell of Rakishi’s ass must be so bad that they are completely incapacitated and he pins them. That must be it. I mean, he’s overweight so he must stink, is the message I think?

Mankind – The Mandible Claw

Mick Foley was my favourite, and Mankind was my favorite edition of Mick. He was awesome. The weird mask-like leatherface, the baggy shirt, the tie, the smiley faces. He was awesome, he was weird. I loved him.

But my love for Mankind does not mean the Mandible Claw wasn’t downright strange.

The opponent would be staggering around all dazed – not enough to fall to the ground, mind you— and Mick would see his opportunity.

He would reach into his underpants, and he would pull out a sock WITH A FACE ON IT, called Mr Socko. He would put it on his hand, and he would stick his hand in the other guy’s mouth.

Let that sink in for a minute.

He’s got a sock with a face and a name. In his underpants. And he sticks it in a guy’s mouth and chokes him out.

Jesus.

Tajiri – The Green Mist

This one is fairly straight forward compared to the others. This is a classic Heel move, with Tajiri being a bit of a cheater. I’m fairly sure there are some racially insensitive undertones to the whole character, but let’s focus on the move itself.

The opponent thinks they have Tajiri beat. They think he has been dazed. They think he is probably gonna collapse and be defeated. But they are wrong.

All of a sudden, he spins around and he spits a bunch of green dye in their face in a big mist. They are blinded, he attacks them, he takes them out.

Tajiri was an incredibly athletic man, who would leap about like an acrobat, and was clearly very well trained at what he did. But his whole character was built on the foundation that he was a rascal who spat in people’s eyes.

The evolution of the finishing move is one to keep an eye on. In the 80s, Hulk Hogan did a leg drop. In the 90s, The Rock gave us the People’s Elbow, and in the 00s we were gifted The Worm. Maybe in 2020 my own finishing move will debut. I knock a guy unconscious, paint his portrait while he is propped up in the center of the ring, then I frame it, and then hit him with it.

Now, even though we know that wrestling is fake, nobody can tell me it isn’t entertaining.

Pee-Wee Football Player Gets Pumped Up on the Sidelines

Jim Gaffigan Has Something to Say About Beer

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A general rule of thumb when making small talk: Don’t talk about religion, politics, or beer preferences.

All three are bound to erupt into heated debates. In the dad community beer in particular tends to be an extremely touchy subject. Everyone seems to have an opinion on what makes a beer amazing or downright sacrilegious, and comedian Jim Gaffigan is no different.

You’re either in full agreement with Jim’s purist perspective or cracking your knuckles to write a scathing comment touting your superior craft beer palate.

But that’s the great thing about beer, nay… America. We all have individual tastes. Just because some guy doesn’t share your affinity for a specific brew, that doesn’t mean he’s wrong (even though he is!) It just means you get to connect with someone with a differing perspective, while drinking beer!

So, if you see Jim in a bar, don’t make fun of him for his taste in beer. Instead, buy him a round, and make fun of his age – like an adult.

Cheers, Jim!

Back To School Photo Fails

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Parents love to capture the moment on the first day back to school, but sometimes that moment isn’t what we envisioned. Check out these hilarious back to school photo fails from The Dad community.

(Instagram.com/cheeksmagee)
(Facebook.com/KellySmith)
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(Instagram.com/instagramycohen)
(Facebook.com/DaveHannem)
(Instagram.com/JoyScribner)
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Dad Grades – Hal from Malcolm in the Middle

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Years before his dark turn as meth kingpin Heisenberg, Bryan Cranston starred as Hal on the criminally under-appreciated sitcom, Malcolm in the Middle. While his sadistically overbearing wife, Lois, was perpetually at wits end with their four mischievous sons, the much more care-free Hal happily took the passenger seat in their parenting roles.

DAD STRENGTHS

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

Hal is a loving husband and father. He shows Lois affection through raw animalistic passion and utter dependence. He even admits to it, once telling Lois that he and their boys are not smart enough to function without her, and in return can only offer his total obedience.

He takes a much calmer, more sympathetic approach to parenting than Lois. She has a short fuse, at the end of which is a barrel of dynamite eager to ground someone for the rest of their life. Hal, conversely, seizes any opportunity to bond with his boys by having a sit-down and doling out fatherly words of wisdom.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

He’s far more lenient, but will raise his voice and put his foot down when necessary. He’s often creative in his punishments. For example, when Malcolm told him “[bleep] you,” Hal sat him down in the backyard and forced him to look him in the eyes and read aloud a comprehensive list of every vile swear words, teaching him their power.

His biggest strength, however, is his laid-back, often immature attitude. It serves as a refreshing palate cleanser for Lois’ incessant shouting. He is truly the yin to her yang.

DAD WEAKNESSES

He’s more permissive than his wife. In one episode, Hal surprises the boys by letting them skip school to accompany him at some stock car races.

Hal’s lax approach to parenting is, regrettably, his biggest weakness. His spontaneity and often childish behavior sets a bad example for his sons. Case in point: the steamroller. After winning some money on a scratch-off, Hal secretly rents a steamroller.

(Photo Credit: 20th Century Fox)

When Dewey catches him, Hal agrees to let him steamroll over Reese’s bike. Ultimately, Hal goes mad with power and Dewey must talk him down from steamrolling a row of cars. Surely this gave Dewey license to misbehave in the future. His impulsive nature is typically harmless, but still sets precedent for the delinquency of his kids.

VERDICT

Despite shortcomings at the cost of his need to be the parent his sons actually like, Hal is a great father. Sure, all four of his sons are rambunctious hellions, disobedient and destructive at every turn, but that’s predominantly the result of their stubborn, temperamental mother. He’s a big-hearted working stiff, determined to provide for his family however dysfunctional they may be.

FINAL DAD GRADE: A-

Dancing Dad Embarrasses Daughter at Baseball Game [VIDEO]

Being a dad involves a lot of anxiety, drudgery, and stress. Sometimes you get to enjoy the perks of parenting, like embarrassing your children on television. Or in the stands at a Cubs game.

Or both!

This dad knows what’s up. He ignores his daughter’s attempts to get him to stop dancing and then doubles down on the silly moves.

Father Figures: Be Positive

“My twin girls (Faye and Felicia) are both autistic.

Felicia was diagnosed before she was three; she’s non verbal and loves life in her own wee bubble. Once she lets you in, it’s amazing. That’s her circle of trust.

Faye is her total opposite, always singing and chatting up a storm. Once they started preschool, we found out that Faye was showing signs of autism that we perhaps overlooked because she was so advanced.

My wife and I, with the assistance of Faye’s teachers, pushed hard to get her assessed, reassessed and diagnosed. Faye is very smart and fooled the specialist in the first assessment regarding extra help in school. We were very lucky when she was diagnosed, because the specialist ASD doctors could still recognize her traits.

It’s been a long journey and no two days are alike. Through it all we’ve learned that Faye is just a younger, female version of her older brother. From her diagnosis, we were able to recognize the ASD traits in Jordan. He is now beginning the diagnostic process.

But long story short, both our girls now attend an autism unit in a special school. It’s a God send and they are both doing great! They turned 6 in August and Jordan will be 11 this December.

Be positive and always make sure your child gets all they need. Raising a child with special needs definitely puts into perspective what’s important in life!

Everything for the kids!”

– Nic Young

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

8-Year-Old Girl Stuns Crowd at Harlem Globetrotters Game [VIDEO]

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When the Harlem Globetrotters called Samaya Clark-Gabriel onto the court at halftime of their game, the crowd at Madison Square Garden wasn’t sure what to expect. But at this stage in a Globetrotters game it would certainly take a lot to impress them.

First she just started dribbling.

But then she started dribbling two basketballs at once. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold. And then she started dribbling two basketballs at once while wearing a blindfold and DOING A SPLIT.

Wow. Did they sign her yet?

Big Dad Rides Small Bike as a Tribute to Late Daughter

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

Peter Williams of Penzance, England is showing incredible strength after the loss of his daughter. On Friday at 10am, he began a 211-mile ride to raise money for The Brain Tumour Charity.

In 2015, Peter lost his 7-year-old daughter, Ellie, to a rare form of brain cancer, only six months after she was diagnosed.

To honor his daughter he decided to begin his ride at Bristol Children’s Hospital where Ellie was treated. He’s also making the entire trip on her little pink bike, which is only 20″ high. Given Peter is 6 feet tall, that’s going to make for an additional challenge, but he’s up for it.

Aside from a small modification to the bike’s seat, he’ll be riding the bike as-is. “My knees clear the handlebars by about half an inch so it’s going to be really tight, but it’s a great bike,” he told the BBC. When he factors in his unique mode of transportation Peter estimates the ride from Bristol to Land’s End will take him a week to complete.

Ellie loved cycling and impressed her dad at age three, when she was able to ride without training wheels.

(JustGiving/Peter Williams)

The bike he’ll be riding was her pride and joy – a present she received for her last Christmas.

So far Peter has raised £23,349 (roughly $30K US) through his JustGiving campaign, already doubling his £10,000 target.

What a guy! What a dad! Go, Peter, go!

If you’d like donate to Peter’s campaign, visit his JustGiving page.

If you want to learn more about where the money is going, check out The Brain Tumour Charity.