Reasons marriage is terrifying:
1. You have to hold in 50 years of farts
2. If they knock you can’t pretend nobody’s home THEY HAVE A KEY
3. You have to stay together in sickness and health and if they call coleslaw cold slaw
4. If they die you have to fill out lots of paperwork

— Tinker Elle (@elle91) August 14, 2018

Communication is key.

80% of marriage is pointedly yelling an irritated “WHAT?!” to make your spouse understand that there’s no chance in hell you can hear what s/he’s saying from five rooms away, around three corners, down two hallways, and over the cacophonous screams of hyper children.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 23, 2018

So sharpen those active listening skills.

A main part of marriage is heavy sighing to let your spouse know you are upset then saying, “nothing” when they ask what’s wrong.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 13, 2018

Just be sure to pick your battles.

A fun part of marriage is arguing over who deserves to use the charger in the car. PROVE IT, SHOW ME YOUR PERCENTAGE

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) October 28, 2017

And learn to say “I’m sorry.”

Marriage Tip: never go to bed angry.
Go to bed planning your opening rebuttal for the next morning.

— TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) July 16, 2018

You’ll learn some tricks along the way.

98% of marriage is just waiting for the other person to get up off the couch so they can get you something.

— ratthew (@sucittaM) January 11, 2017

You’ll develop skills only couples possess.

Being married grants you one superpower and that’s the ability to tell what couples just had a fight in the car right before a party

— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) August 26, 2018

And you’ll have lots of fun with them.

Arguably the best part of marriage is being able to wordlessly make fun of the same thing or person with a discreet elbow nudge.

— jordan (@jordan_stratton) January 28, 2018

But at the end of the day, you have to remember what marriage is all about.

Marriage is being privy to someone else’s bowel movements forever. Love is genuinely hoping they go smoothly.

— Luke O’Neil (@lukeoneil47) December 26, 2017

“I saw that it was improving my quality of life. It was making me stronger. It really didn’t matter that I was finishing last in most of the races,” Justin told “I saw that it was improving my quality of life. It was making me stronger. It really didn’t matter that I was finishing last in most of the races,” Gallegos told FOX 12.”

When Gallegos started running in high school, he fell down a lot. His cerebral palsy makes running a lot more difficult. But he persevered, and slowly improved. In April, he finished his first half-marathon.

Still, when he showed up to race on October 6th and saw the cameras, he had no idea they were for him. But when he crossed the finish line, a Nike representative was there waiting for him with a contract, making Justin the first athlete with cerebral palsy to sign such a deal with the famous sneaker company.

“I just wanted to share something with you guys,” said insights director to the runners gathered at the finish line. “One of your teammates has been working pretty hard the last couple years, and Nike has recognized that. So today I am giving him the Nike contract [to be an] official Nike athlete.”

The heartwarming moment was capture on video:

Justin was stunned, but happy. “I’m so grateful to have been apart of this story where so many people put their names in history books, and make records, and break records,” Gallegos said. “It’s a been a dream come true.”

He’s working with Nike on developing sneakers for people with disabilities.

Congrats Justin!

Emergency flights to Vancouver.
The unbearable heartache of being sent home for Christmas without being able to bring her with us.
The helpless feeling knowing that I had to put all of my hopes and dreams in the doctors hands.

I remember the pain of watching her in a little oxygen chamber, unable to hold her, unable to make it all better.

As a parent it feels like your only job is to make your baby safe, and here I stood on the very first day, the very first shift of my new task and I couldn’t do it. I was helpless. I was failing at the only job that mattered at that point.

But it turns out I wasn’t failing. Just staying strong and believing that everything would be alright was its own victory.

The job description had temporarily changed for a while is all. And when that little ray of sunshine does break free of the clouds she will shine brighter than you ever imagined possible.

My daughter, who was born 8 weeks premature, is now in her 4th year of med school and will be a doctor in six months.”

– Marty Anderson

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

 

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Happy Bday To Us…

A post shared by Sean Ono Lennon (@sean_ono_lennon) on Oct 9, 2018 at 5:36am PDT

The photo shows John holding his young son while he blows out the candles on a birthday cake. Sean, a musician himself, captioned the photo, “Happy birthday to us…” and it has received over 42,000 likes and more than 2,000 comments on Instagram.

Sean is no stranger to Instagram sensations. A few months ago he posted a picture of himself and another Beatle’s progeny, James McCartney, son of Paul. Is there a better way to pay homage to the Lennon/McCartney songwriting duo than this?

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Peekaboo…

A post shared by Sean Ono Lennon (@sean_ono_lennon) on Aug 13, 2018 at 7:52am PDT

That selfie, featuring the two Beatles’ sons looking very much like their dads (and James holding a guitar) got more than 50,000 likes from Beatles fans all over the world. Hopefully next time Sean posts with his friend James, it’s a video of them playing together.

Might I suggest something from Sgt. Pepper’s?

The caption to the video reads:

*Public Service Announcement!** Friends & family please read & share! So tonight after dinner our oldest asked for some “juice” (Capri Sun) as a treat for eating good, I grabbed one out of the refrigerator and notice something odd about it… it seems low in content, I take a closer look at the packaging and don’t notice a hole or anything. So I shake it up some, only to find an unknown substance floating around in the package. To say we are irate would be an understatement… we don’t give these to our children often but will NEVER again! #SERIOUSLY #CapriSun

To their credit, Capri Sun responded quickly to Cameron’s concerns, posting a response on Facebook.

“Thanks again, Cameron, for bringing this to our attention and sharing more information with others. Although it’s rare, it is possible for mold to grow inside containers of preservative-free juice drinks if the pouch is punctured in any way on its journey from our facilities to your home. We understand it’s unpleasant, but the mold is naturally-occurring, just like if you left an apple on your counter for too long and mold begins to grow.”

They even sent someone to his house to investigate the pouch.

Capri Sun has long been aware of the possibility of mold in their drink, and they address the issue on their website via a FAQ:

“Will the mold make my child sick?”
“The mold is naturally-occurring, and we understand your concerns. That’s why we created our clear bottom pouches so you can check for mold before enjoying your Capri Sun, while still remaining committed to keeping our drinks free of artificial preservatives.”

One of those videos features five different things you can make with treadmill parts, including a generator he made from a rowing machine. He got the machine of Craigslist and whatever he paid for it was more than worth it. Because he turned it into a powerful parenting hack.

What does the generator do? It powers his sons’ video games.

The batteries run down in less than a minute, so he and his kids trade-off to ensure there’s enough juice to make their games go. The bottom line? They can’t play unless they pedal and pull. Genius!

Now if they want to play their precious video games, they can, but they can’t do it without getting the exercise they need.

Game over! Dad win!

Last weekend, college football featured an exciting match-up between the Missouri Tigers and the South Carolina Gamecocks. The game was beset by all sorts of issues, from a downpour that made things a lot more difficult for both teams, to lightning strikes that caused two separate delays.

Eventually, the game came down to some last second heroics. South Carolina was down by one, 35-34, when kicker Parker White came out to attempt a game-winning 33-yard field goal. The fans were tense, but they had nothing on Parker’s Dad, who was in the stands in his #43 P. White South Carolina game jersey.

Fellow Gamecock fan and twitter user @jmhellman1395 happened to be seated next to Mr. White, and captured the nervous dad’s pre- and post-kick emotions.

In the before photo, Mr. White is past the point of being on the edge of his seat. He’s down on his knees, perhaps praying, maybe he’s biting his nails? Definitely not quite looking as his son’s team snapped the ball.

And when you see the after photo, you don’t need to be told what happened, because Parker’s dad’s happiness, and the high-five he exchanges with another fan makes it clear that Parker game through and gave South Carolina a 37-35 victory.

And you think you have a hard time watching your team play a close game. You’ve got nothing on the father of a field goal kicker!

Sitting next to Parker White’s Dad. Pictures before and after the game winning field goal. pic.twitter.com/A1MQiZfzTa

— JM (@jmhellman1395) October 6, 2018

“Happy Birthday Dad. Happy Birthday Molly [Torben’s longtime partner]! And congrats on the big week with the release of not one, but two books, the opening of the Art exhibition and the completion of the latest movie… so fuckin’ inspiring on every level possible!

“And what may be the biggest accomplishment of all, the whole gang being in Copenhagen for four days without a single ‘Hurra, hurra etc’ song per your request!

Make sure to scroll through his second post because it includes 10 awesome photos of Lars and his dad through the ages.

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Since we are Danish and the Danes take their “round” birthdays very fuckin next level serious, here is some additional shouting out to my beyond inspirational Dad on his 90th for your viewing pleasure!! Far forhelvede, you’re the coolest of the cool.. do NOT delete that!!!!! 🇩🇰 🇩🇰 🇩🇰 9️⃣0️⃣ #wanna #happybirthday #heavymetalgandalf

A post shared by Lars Ulrich (@larsulrich) on Oct 4, 2018 at 2:16pm PDT

“Since we are Danish and the Danes take their ’round’ birthdays very fuckin’ next-level serious, here is some additional shouting out to my beyond inspirational Dad on his 90th for your viewing pleasure!! Far forhelvede, you’re the coolest of the cool.. do NOT delete that!”

I’m not crying… you’re crying.

Torben has always been a supporter of his son and his music career, but many don’t realize his own amazing story.

Born on October 4, 1928 in Copenhagen, Torben Ulrich was the son of professional tennis player Einer Ulrich.

Following in his father’s footsteps, Torben became a tennis pro himself. He played more than 100 Davis Cup matches for Denmark and, in 1977, right before turning 49, he became the oldest Davis Cup player in history.

He wasn’t just an athlete, however. During his years playing professional tennis, Torben also worked as a writer, musician, filmmaker, painter, actor, and director.

The “do NOT delete that” message at the end of Lars’ post is in reference to a line Torben is known for saying in the Metallica documentary, “Some Kind of Monster.” Lars mentions about that moment:

“Metallica fans know that he’s been a fairly large presence in and out of Metallica’s history for 35 years. There’s a famous clip in ‘Some Kind of Monster’ – a scene where he comes to listen to some of the stuff we were working on [for 2003’s ‘St. Anger’] – he’s standing over the mixing desk and he doesn’t look too pleased.

“And I ask him, ‘What do you think of this music?’ There’s a long, long, long pause, and he goes, ‘I would delete that.’ [Laughs] A lot of Metallica fans know him by association, so it’s very cool.”

Such camaraderie between a famous father-son duo is something rarely seen these days, but it’s like a breath of fresh air when it is.

Happy Birthday, Torben!

After almost getting in an accident while breaking up a fight from the driver’s seat – one dad finally came up with a solution. Mark Abay, a Sydney-based father of two, created a genius device called ‘Backseat Carma.’ It’s so wonderfully simple, you’ll wonder why you didn’t think of it yourself.

“Every time we got in the car with our kids, they’d fight – it happened time and again which was leading to high-stress levels and distracted driving,” he told Daily Mail.

“Nothing was available on the market, so out of sheer necessity I invented a solution for parents who know the pain and dangers of kids fighting during car journeys.”

Backseat Carma is a large, padded divider that’s secured via seat belt into the middle seat. Not only does it prevent them from touching, the height of the product ensures they can’t even make faces at each other.

In other words, divide and conquer.

The product is constructed out of PI foam—similar to the fabric used in mattresses—and eco-friendly PU leather.

You can pre-order one now for $119, which may seem a but steep for a simple divider, but Abay says the few who have gotten their hands on one early are already raving about it.

‘Most users say peaceful and safe driving is actually worth more than $119 to them. Aside from the high-quality materials used, the real worth is in the problem it solves,’ Mr. Abay said.

And because kids are kids, Backseat Carma is also wipeable and splash-proof, but it still isn’t whine-proof. Looks like we’ll have to wait until Backseat Carma 2.0 for that desirable feature.