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Tweet Roundup: The 10 Funniest Tweets About Marriage

By The Dad
(Getty)

Are you married? Thinking about tying the knot? Woefully single? Whatever filing status you check on those taxes, there’s one thing we can all agree on: having a separate line for drink tickets at your wedding should automatically annul your marriage.

Here are the 10 funniest tweets about being hitched.

Before getting married, make sure it’s right for you.


It’s going to be an uphill battle.


Communication is key.


So sharpen those active listening skills.


Just be sure to pick your battles.


And learn to say “I’m sorry.”

You’ll learn some tricks along the way.

You’ll develop skills only couples possess.

And you’ll have lots of fun with them.

But at the end of the day, you have to remember what marriage is all about.

Father Figures: He Taught Us

By Mike Julianelle

“I left the father of my child when she was 9 months old. He sits in jail now for abusing me and my

But that’s not why I’m writing you.

It’s about this man… Adam.

We met via online app, when I was at my worst. And he took me and my kid in. He has taught us what love and respect is all about.

He has raised my kid since she was a little over a year old, changed her diapers, taught me how to help her sleep on her own, potty trained her, and cared for us ever since. He’s a single dad himself, of a beautiful 9-year-old-girl.

He’s the proof that God exists, when I had no hope and love for anything, he helped us rebuild our lives from scratch… he’s my daughter’s father, no doubt.

We’re getting married in one month and my kid is so happy. And so am I. He came from a broken home and today we both are rebuilding our lives and breaking any chains from the past.”

– Rose Consuegra

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

NFL Star Russell Wilson Surprises His Mom With a New Home [WATCH]

By Devin Holdraker
(Instagram/Russell Wilson)

Many of us hope to somehow find a way to repay our parents for all of their hard work and sacrifice, but one NFL star just has raised the bar to an insane level.

Russell Wilson, quarterback for the Seattle Seahawks, recently surprised his mom with a mother’s day gift that makes the rest of us look like chumps by comparison.

In a video posted to Instagram, the Super Bowl winning QB wrote a special note to his mom:

“All these years you have never asked me for anything … only thing you ever wanted is for me to LOVE. Well thanks for loving us the way you do. This ones for you. I love you momma.”

The video then shows Wilson handing over the keys to a brand new, custom built home to his initially speechless mother.

“What’s this?” she asks to which Wilson calmly responds “It’s the key to your house.”

After the shock subsides, the screaming begins.

“Are you serious?” she asks over and over, only stopping to belt out one of the best laughs you’ve likely ever heard.

The smile on the pro athlete’s face after being able to finally give his mother such a special gift was only eclipsed by the look she gives him at the end as Wilson embraces her.

If this doesn’t melt your heart, a quick glance through Wilson’s Instagram page shows you it’s not just his mom this MVP looks out for. Dozens of photos from hospital visits to time spent with his family shows that unlike some celebrities, this guy has his priorities straight.

View this post on Instagram

🙏🏾

A post shared by Russell Wilson (@dangerusswilson) on

While most of us don’t have the means to give large sums of money or houses to loved ones, it’s often giving your time that can have the biggest impact on those around you.

Perhaps we could all take a page from Wilson’s playbook, or at bare minimum, remember to say thank you to our own parents more often than our calendars dictate.

Please Don’t Chase The Referees With a Machete

By Mark Chalifoux
Be Good to Refs at Your Kid's Games
(Getty/Steve Debenport)

Officiating can be circumspect in youth sports. Yes, they aren’t getting the most well trained, skilled officials for 12-year-olds playing select soccer. Sure, the ump calling balls and strikes in a softball game between eighth-graders may miss one here or there. But the important thing to remember when you’re watching your kid play sports is how bad yelling at the refs makes you look.

It’s not a good situation all around. It’s embarrassing for the kids, the refs obviously hate you, the coaches may be glad you aren’t yelling at them or your kid for the moment, but still don’t care for it, and other parents assume you are either emotionally unhinged or are actively gambling on the outcome.

This isn’t easy for me to say, either, because I have completely been that guy. Not in my own kid’s games, but when my younger brothers were playing high school hockey, I spent good entire periods screaming at officials. That’s not a proud moment, booing the refs at a high school sporting event.

Your kid may run into a game where the ref affects the outcome or misses a big call, but that’s life. Don’t be that guy turning Brian Kelly shades of red, screaming about a missed traveling call.

And for God’s sake, don’t chase the ref down with a machete, like two men in Michigan did recently. Your first thought when you read a headline like “Soccer game ends with man attacking ref with a machete”, your first thought is usually “man, Florida is crazy!” So, congrats Michigan, for entering Florida territory.

I’m not sure how much stock you can put into the man’s claims that the referees made bad calls, because he’s still the guy who BROUGHT A MACHETE TO A SOCCER GAME! That’s not the action of a stable person, it’s not like he was bringing it to slice oranges.

(Machete Kills Movie)

Not all Michigan officials are bad! A soldier returning from deployment surprised his 8-year-old son by posing as the umpire at his baseball game. That would be awkward if you were one of those psycho parents yelling at an ump, and then he was revealed to be a returning soldier.

The Warriors have won the NBA Championship again. No, it hasn’t happened yet, but we all know how it’s going to end. My interest was piqued when Durant got hurt, but then Steph Curry started doing more Steph Curry things and that was that.

I’ve really enjoyed watching the Bucks-Raptors series, but it’s sort of a moot point knowing the winner earns the right to get swept in the finals. And yes, I’m going in very hard on the Warriors in the hopes that this can reverse-jinx them enough to make the finals watchable.

The other series is way more watchable, as Giannis has done some big things, Kawhi Leonard has had a great series, and Raptors superfan Drake is out there giving back rubs.


Sports gambling aficionado James Holzhauer continues his incredible run through Jeopardy, but that doesn’t’ stop Alex Trebek from getting annoyed when Holzhauer gets cute with his wagers.

I’m fully on the St. Louis Blues bandwagon, as they take on the Bruins in the Stanley Cup Finals. It’s the first Finals berth in nearly 50 years for the Blues, and even tornadoes weren’t enough to stop the fans from watching game six.

That is dedication. And besides, the last thing the sports world needs is another Boston championship.

Finally, Detroit Catholic sports leagues are going to stop playing games on Sundays, starting this fall. Of all the things the Catholic Church has taken a stance on, this is far from the most controversial. When I read it at first, I was ready to up and move to Detroit (which is something no one has said in 20 years). It sounds great on paper, a Sunday free, but the reality is they will just start scheduling three games on Saturdays or games at weird times during the week (what, you can’t get your kid to the 4:45 pm soccer game on a Tuesday?). If I’m going to be sitting through something boring on a Sunday morning, I’d take soccer over church.

Tweet Roundup: The 15 Funniest Tweets About Mowing

By The Dad
(Getty/Karan Kapoor)

The snow has melted. The grass has returned. Time to show it who’s boss. Pop off that shirt and green up those New Balances, because we’ve got the 15 funniest tweets to pull-start your mowing season.

Mowing. Need we say more?

Every dad loves it.

It’s a way to demonstrate power within the community.

And within the family dynamic.

Seriously, dads just experience it differently.


So if you’re not a dad, stay in your lane.


At least until we figure something out.


Really, we appreciate your enthusiasm.

Owning a lawn mower is big responsibility.

Maintaining your lawn is an even bigger one.

You’re gonna get some nasty stares.

Not everyone will be a fan of the craft.


But respect has to be earned.


Earn it while you can.

And finally, a pun.

The 10 Best Comments of the Week 5/26

By Jimmy Applegath
Best Comments of the Week

Every week we pan for comedy gold in the comments section of our Facebook posts. If your comment cracks us up (or warms our hearts) we’ll showcase it here!

Here’s this week’s roundup of the 10 Best Comments of the Week:

1. Do Your Part

2. Ready for Action

3. Or Willy

4. Newb

5. Bad Timing

6. Breathless

7. Product Return

8. Live Leak

9. That’s the Spirit

10. Shazam’d

Check out the previous edition of The Best Comments of the Week here.

Ghostbusters 3: Bill Murray Is in and Dan Aykroyd Says It’s Scary

By Mike Julianelle
Ghost Busters Sequel
(Twitter/SonyPictures)

For years, there were rumors of a third Ghostbusters movie, and every time, something prevented it from happening. That something, for a long time, was Bill Murray, aka Dr. Peter Venkman, aka one of the most beloved comic actors of the past 40 years. His deal with the studio prevented them from making a new Ghostbusters without his consent.

Murray wasn’t happy with the second Ghostbusters movie, and apparently didn’t think enough of the multiple ideas floated around for a third movie to ever give his blessing and move forward. So instead of a third movie featuring the original quarter of paranormal investigators, we got 2016’s non-sequel with women as the lead characters.

Murray had a cameo in that film, as a totally different character. And a few months ago, Jason Reitman, son of the first movie’s director, Ivan Reitman, announced his own plans for a remake/reboot/sequel/who knows.


Reitman’s version will also feature a whole new cast. But it takes place in the same universe as the original movie, and it sounds like Bill Murray might want to give it a go.

While promoting his appearance in the new Jim Jarmusch zombie movie, “The Dead Don’t Die,” Murray told IndieWire why he showed up in the all-female Ghostbusters, and let slip that he’d be willing to come back for the next one.

“I was in that movie just because they asked me, and I knew if I said no, I was saying I didn’t support that movie,” Murray explained. “I felt like, OK, I’m going to support them because I support them as people. So I did that one and I would do this next one.”

This is big news given he foiled progress on another sequel for years, but apparently, he’s come to terms with Peter Venkman.

“This franchise paid for my son’s college,” he said. “We made this thing. We are the caretakers of it. It’s a great thing and it was a really fun movie to make. It’s a real movie with some really funny stuff in it.”

There sure is. Here’s hoping Jason Reitman’s movie is even half as good as the 80s blockbuster. The odds definitely increase if Bill Murray is involved.

And what does OG Ghostbuster Dan Aykroyd have to say about all this? He recently told 660 News:

“Ivan Reitman’s son Jason has written a beautiful script, I can’t say too much about it but it’s going to get made and hopefully there’ll be some familiar faces. … It’s so different from even the first and second [movies]. This just takes it to a new generation and a new direction that is so warm, heartfelt and, indeed, quite scary when you confront some of the issues that are being discussed.”

Aykroyd also revealed he wrote a 1960s era prequel that’s now in the hands of Jason Reitman. It follows the teenage years of parapsychologists Venkman, Spengler and Stantz.

Looks like big things are on the horizon when it comes to busting.

98-Yr-Old Mom Joins 80-Yr-Old Son at Nursing Home to Help Care for Him

By Mike Julianelle
98yr Old Takes Care of 80yr Son
(Twitter/AlturaLearning)

No one loves you like your mom loves you.

A mother’s love truly knows no bounds. From the day you’re born until the last day of her life, your mother’s children come first, and they will always be her babies. It’s the reason my mom still waits up for me when I visit home and go out with my wife. I’m in my forties, but I’m still her little boy.

And that’s nothing compared to one mom in Liverpool, England. Ada Keating is 98 years old, and her son is 80, and she’s still taking care of him as if he were still a baby.

Ada never married, and the pair have always lived together, until Tom moved into the Moss View Care Home in 2016, due to his need for extra care. But no extra care can match a mother’s TLC, so Ada followed him to Moss View a year later.

A former auxiliary nurse, Ada wanted to help look after her son.

“I say goodnight to Tom in his room every night and I’ll go and say good morning to him,” Ms. Keating, told the Liverpool Echo.

Mr. Keating is happy at his Moss View home and appreciates having his mother around. “They’re very good here and I’m happy to see my mum more now she lives here.”

Philip Daniels, who manages Moss View, is more than happy to accommodate the mother-son duo. “It’s very rare to see mothers and their children together in the same care home and we certainly want to make their time together as special as possible.”

As for Ada, her motivation is simple.

“When I get back he’ll come to me with his arms outstretched and give me a big hug. You never stop being a mum.”

Nintendo Fans Conflicted Over ‘Super Mario Land’ HD Remake

By Jordan Stratton
(Getty/GameMaster Magazine; YouTube/ShiryuGL)

With the celebration of Game Boy’s 30th anniversary this year, a lot of gamers have been reminiscing about their glory days on the delightful grey brick. Some, like ROM hacker Iván Delgado (@toruzz), even went as far as to revamp old classics—in this case, Super Mario Land.

Since Nintendo has never officially released an updated ‘DX’ version of the 1989 classic platformer, Delgado took some creative liberties and finally brought some color to the somewhat bizarre environment of Sarasaland.

He even gave the mustachioed plumber a facelift, redesigning the sprites for both Mario and Daisy to match their new vibrant surroundings.


As impressive as the changes are, fans are split regarding how it affects actual gameplay. Some love the changes while others comment that the new sprites cause problems with collision detection.

Considering this is simply a fan-made remake, everyone seems to be in agreement that Delgado has done something truly special to honor the game though, injecting a bit of life into a classic that sits proudly in our nostalgia centers.

The real question is, how does it stack up against the 2017 DX remake of Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins?

Dad’s ‘Stranger Danger’ Instinct Takes an Ironic, Hilarious Turn

By Devin Holdraker
Dad's Stranger Danger Mishap
(Getty/sylv1rob1 reddit/Plagmoid)

As a parent, it’s important to teach your children to be aware of their surroundings, steer clear of strangers and most importantly: if you see something, say something.

These are lessons we share with our kids in an attempt to keep them safe and to make sure that would-be creepers are brought to the attention of authorities.

However, one dad recently learned an important lesson of his own: Make sure your kids recognize you.

The father shared his story on Reddit’s “Today I Fucked Up” page.

His two boys noticed something at their school and as they’d be instructed to do, notified their dad about it.

“Over the course of the last week, my twin 7-year-old sons started telling me about a creepy man who sat in the parking lot at school and stared at them,” he wrote. “This morning, I finally took the initiative and called the school. They assured me that the situation would be handled.”

Feeling as though the school would address the leering stranger, the dad headed to work for the day.

“I’ve been doing electrical repairs on a facility near my sons’ school, and each day I park my work van in the school parking lot to eat lunch and use the WiFi. I wave to my sons as they go from one building to the building housing the cafeteria for lunch.”

Yes, you’ve probably figured out what the dad hadn’t quite pieced together yet.

TIFU by reporting a pervert to the School my sons go to. from tifu


“If you’re realizing that I’m the ‘pervert’ I reported, congratulations, you’re officially sharper than me. I didn’t realize it until 3 police cars surrounded my work van.”

Due to his hardhat, sunglasses, and unfamiliar vehicle, the boys never realized it was him.

One comment on the post speaks for most of us:

Comment from discussion youhavebeenindicted’s comment from discussion "TIFU by reporting a pervert to the School my sons go to.".


“After about a 30 minute conversation with the police and the principal, they decided I was a harmless moron and decided to let me go. I was, however, asked not to park my van there for lunch anymore.”

The post now has over 115k upvotes on reddit and the comments are all extremely commenty:

Comment from discussion namakius’s comment from discussion "TIFU by reporting a pervert to the School my sons go to.".


Comment from discussion Fazer2’s comment from discussion "TIFU by reporting a pervert to the School my sons go to.".


Comment from discussion __secter_’s comment from discussion "TIFU by reporting a pervert to the School my sons go to.".


It sounds like everyone involved learned a very important lesson: reddit is still extremely entertaining.