Prepare that neighborly wave and get ready to turn those pristine white sneakers a healthy shade of green because mowing season has arrived! Before you go earn that post-yardwork shower beer, check out these 11 hilarious tweets about the downside of having a lawn to care for.
Mowing: really more of an art form than a chore.
I don’t mow the lawn. I impose a series of lines, coordinates and right angles on the surface of a unknown world, like a 16th century cartographer. Here there be dragonflies.
— Al Dente (@six_2_and_even) June 3, 2018
Patience is key. Your kid will be old enough to push that mower soon enough.
Hey kid, you’re not really mowing the lawn. That’s just a stupid toy lawnmower. It blows bubbles, you idiot. You’re not helping AT ALL.
— craig ???? (@EWWWYUCKY) June 6, 2012
Please be considerate of your surroundings.
Mow your lawn at 8am on a Saturday so your neighbors know which house to egg this Halloween.
— ???? 10,000 pretzels ???? (@MommaUnfiltered) May 20, 2017
Just kidding, you’ll never please everybody.
No matter what day of the week, or what time of day, if you are mowing your lawn know this: somebody hates you for it.
— ess bee fritz (@RandomAntics) September 29, 2011
That or the soundtrack from Dunkirk.
When I mow over an ant colony I like to imagine that the scrambling ants are running bent way over and humming the theme to M*A*S*H.
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) July 6, 2013
“Welp, I’m done mowing. Guess that means it’s almost time to mow.”
Yesterday the lawn looked like we could skip a mow. This morning it looked like we pulled up stakes and left for the California Gold Rush 170 years ago.
— Mary (@AnniemuMary) June 5, 2018
Turning your whole yard into a beach volleyball court will also do it.
The goal of every dad is to build your children so much outdoor play equipment that eventually you won’t need to mow the lawn.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 6, 2017
Where you at on this, Mattel?
Million dollar idea: Electric Barbie cars with mower blades so your 6-year-old can mow the lawn for you.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) October 28, 2015
This is commonly referred to as “The Dad Stranger.”
Sometimes I like to make my arms go numb first and pretend like someone else is mowing the lawn.
— Chris Hallbeck (@ChrisHallbeck) August 26, 2016
It’s just like making plans with yourself you already want out of.
Off to mow the lawn, because man is the only animal on the planet that plants and waters a weed that he has to spend his weekends cutting.
— Ham on Wry (@realHamOnWry) June 14, 2015
Finally, a reminder of the rules.
Whichever dad has the best step ladders in the neighborhood gets to ride his lawnmower shirtless on the weekends.
— The Pale Space Rider (@truegritrumble) January 5, 2018