Tweet Roundup: The 13 Funniest Tweets About Valentine’s Day

13 Funny Tweets About Valentine's
(Lyn Hughes/Corbis/VCG/Getty Images)

Some people hate Valentine’s Day, dismissing it as a corporate scam. But that couldn’t be further from the truth! No. Valentine’s Day is a maliciously placed speed bump for your New Year’s commitment to quitting sweets, weakening your defenses to the candy onslaught of Easter Sunday. Oh, you liked those sanely-portioned little chocolates in the heart? Well here’s a WHOLE CHOCOLATE RABBIT.

Anyway, here are 13 of the funniest tweets about Valentine’s Day.

It’s tough being single on Valentine’s Day.

Even though it’s all probably a scam.

It’s still easy to feel alone.

And confused.

And angry.

Putting yourself out there is tough.

So be mindful of the silver linings.

And spread what love you still can.

Because once you’re married…

Hooo boy. Once you are married…

Whole different ballgame, my friend.

So enjoy it to the best of your abilities.

Because hey, it could be worse.

Watch This Dad Fall Hard for Wife’s Endless Amazon Delivery Prank

Dad Falls for Amazon Prank
(Tik Tok/MelissaBeeler2)

Being married to a prank person can be trying. You never quite know what’s genuine and what’s not. But when you get the upper hand, nothing will feel sweeter. One Oklahoma woman knows the feeling after hitting her husband with the mother of all April Fool’s Day pranks. Her Amazon box prank takes the cake.

(As an aside, I’m a standup comedian, and we can be hard to be married to as well, but we at least save most of our jokes for the stage, instead of pranking our spouses constantly like it’s an episode of Tom and Jerry).

Ryan Beeler had told his wife Melissa to stop doing so much online shopping. An argument every married couple has at some point. Melissa told Good Morning America he’s constantly a prankster, whether it’s at home or at the fire department he works at, so she decided to pull one of her own.

She started saving every box she got, taped them up while he was at work, and left them on the porch like she got a massive delivery. And he fell for it, HARD.

@melissabeeler2I pulled the BEST prank on my husband. ##marriagehumor ##tiktokmom ##pregnant ##pregnancy ##onlineshopping ##fyp ##foryoupage ##prank ##marriedlife♬ original sound – MelissaBeeler

Two important things to remember. The key to an April Fool’s joke is to NOT DO IT ON APRIL 1st! Everyone is expecting it. A few weeks, either way, is fine. The next key to this is how a UPS guy drops off *an actual delivery* right in the middle of this. That’s the kind of comedic timing that has LAUNCHED this video to nearly 20 million views on Tik Tok.

The Beelers have two kids with a third on the way, so Melissa said she enlisted a friend to help her collect boxes to pull it off the gag. Ryan told GMA he fell for it. “It’s not that unbelievable, there’s like a package or two here every day,” he said.

“By the way, I’m going to get her back.”

OK, buddy. At this point, you just gotta find a new thing to base your identity around. You can’t be the “prank guy” after your wife shoots her shot and gets 20 million people to watch it. She’s the GOAT, and you gotta move on. Be a “Dad joke” guy, a car guy, a Cars guy (Cars 1 and 3 are the truth), or even a “knows everything about cryptocurrency” guy if you have to, but pranks are now her domain.

And she’s got the receipts to prove it.

Teen Goes Viral On TikTok Asking Dad Questions About Being a Former U.S. Spy

Teen questions former spy dad
(TikTok/mariaisabellecomstock)

Spy Kids gave us pretty unrealistic expectations of one day having to rescue our seemingly normal parents from supervillains after making the startling discovery that they’re actually secret agents. For most of us, the fantasy of becoming a family of spies fades fairly quickly. How are you supposed to save the world when you can barely get through a game night without someone crying? And realistically, it seems pretty unlikely that your parents would be spies given that they’ve barely mastered sending emails. Though our own spy fantasies are never coming to fruition, a TikTok user named Maria is kind enough to share her own real-life experience with the world.

19-Year-old Maria knew her dad was in the military, but it wasn’t until she was 16 that she found out her dad was in fact a former spy. Upon finding out the truth, Maria explains that she was “a little peeved” that he omitted some important details about his military career. Then again, she almost immediately turned to TikTok to create a 19-part (and counting) series on her dad’s life as a former spy, so maybe it was for the best that he waited a while.

Incredibly, Maria got her dad to answer dozens of questions about being a spy. For the most part, he answers his daughter’s questions directly, occasionally dismissing some as “classified.”

@mariaisabellecomstockComment question ideas for part 6! DM me on insta if you have any you really want asked: mariacomstock ##spy ##spies ##videocall ##exposed ##agentbuttercup

♬ original sound – Maria 😉

Maria’s dad’s frankness doesn’t leave much room for follow-up questions. He answers briefly and concisely, with the air of someone who doesn’t have the time or energy to mess around. At times, however, his frankness is a little unsettling – like when Maria asks for his thoughts on World War 3. Her dad replies without hesitation, “It will be something that most of us do not survive.”

@mariaisabellecomstockComment questions you want answered! Follow & DM me on insta if your question is super pressing! ##spy ##spies ##exposed ##umdercover ##government ##secrets

♬ original sound – Maria 😉

The UC Berkeley student has gone viral for her unusual series, with several videos hitting over a million views. Maria pulls questions from her followers, sharing intel with the world while getting to know a side of her dad he’d hidden for most of her life. While he doesn’t answer any questions that would give away specific classified information, he does a phenomenal job keeping viewers interested.

@mariaisabellecomstockComment questions for part 16!! Follow me on insta for spy updates ##spy ##spues ##secret ##agentbuttercup ##government ##spying ##Homemade ##InLove

♬ original sound – Maria 😉

Though Maria’s dad has been more focused on fatherhood than his time in the military over the past couple of decades, the experience was clearly transformative. And to all aspiring spies, he has some important advice: learn Russian.

Alfred Molina Reveals His Return As Doc Ock in ‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’

Spider-Man 2
(Sony Pictures Entertainment)

We’ve been hearing all sorts of rumors the past few months regarding the MCU’s next big Spider-Man film ‘No Way Home’.  We’ve heard reports that Tobey Maguire & Andrew Garfield would be donning their red and blue tights again alongside Tom Holland.  Jamie Foxx would apparently come back as Electro.  We’ve even known in some capacity that Alfred Molina would be reprising his role as Doctor Octopus.  When would we ever really learn the truth though?

Well, it seems Molina is even worse than Holland when it comes to keeping MCU secrets.

During an interview with Variety, Molina dished all the juicy details on his role in the film, his “aging” physique, and how Doctor Octopus would be returning to the Spider-Verse.

“It was very interesting going back after 17 years to play the same role, given that in the intervening years, I now have two chins, a wattle, crow’s feet and a slightly a slightly dodgy lower back.”

Not even slightly worried about the fact that he’s giving away he’s actually in the film, Molina continued on by explaining his concern with his age.  Molina is now 67-years-old since 2004’s Spider-Man 2.  When he addressed these concerns to director Jon Watts, Watts just looked at him and said “Did you see what we did to Bob Downey Jr. and Sam Jackson?’”, referring to the de-aging technology they used in Captain America: Civil War & Captain Marvel.

Molina also mentioned during the interview that he was told that the movie will pick up Doc Ock’s story from “that moment” in the river.  When the actor asked how the film would bring Doc Ock back since, as he pointed out “I died”, Molina said Watts told him, “In this universe, no one really dies.”

So there you have it.  Spider-Man 2’s Doc Ock is officially in Spider-Man: No Way Home, no one really dies in any of these films (has Watts seen Endgame?), and special effects teams can make you look as young as you want.  That’s all the info I needed, just give me the movie right now, I’m ready.

‘He Died A Hero’: Texas Dad Drowns Saving His Two Sons From Riptide

Dad Drowns Saving Kids
(GoFundMe)

From the first second you hold your child, you know there is nothing you wouldn’t do to keep them safe. A Texas dad is being hailed as a hero for living that way until his last breath, as he recently drowned while saving his two sons from a strong riptide during a family beach outing.

Josh Graham was with his two oldest boys about 50 feet offshore from his wife Angela and their other kids when it happened.

“He died a hero saving our two oldest boys from drowning in a riptide,” she wrote on the GoFundMe created for his funeral expenses and counseling for the kids.

“It feels as if this happened to someone else, like a horror movie, my worst nightmare,” she wrote. “Perhaps that is why I am able to find the strength to write this. I am torn to pieces and my soul has been ripped from my body.”

Two men were part of the group of bystanders who tried to rescue Graham. Mike Sampson and Rodney Landers both have military training in survival swimming, and eventually linked arms with other rescuers to get to Graham, but it was too late.

“He died protecting his kids, he’s the hero here,” Lampson told a local media outlet.

“His kids got stuck in that rip current. Josh is the hero,” Sanders added. “He went out there. He paid the ultimate sacrifice. He gave his life for his kids.”

The GoFundMe is raising money for the kids he leaves behind, to help with counseling and, if there’s money left over, towards their college education.

Truly a gutting story, as every dad can relate to having to jump into action to save their kid from some sort of danger, whether it’s something extreme or something as benign as yanking on the hood of a sweatshirt to stop a toddler from rambling into the street.

Dads are always willing to do whatever it takes to keep their kids safe. But it doesn’t make it any less tragic when the cost is so high.

Pickle Ranch Pizza Is Apparently a Thing, Because We Don’t Have Enough Problems

Pickle pizza
(YouTube/Food Insider, Instagram/rhinospizzawebster)

Listen. It’s been a tough year, we get it. But you don’t have to do this. We stood by your side during the Peeps-flavored Pepsi fiasco, and we kept our mouths shut when you went through that extremely disturbing pink mac and cheese phase. Pickles and pizza don’t belong together. You’ve gone too far, and we’re worried about you.

Pizza is one of those foods that’s extremely hard to mess up. But doing so can be criminal. Dough, sauce, cheese – it’s hard to make an incredible pizza, but it’s even harder to make a terrible pizza. But by George, they’ve done it. An unsettling Food Insider video recently resurfaced on Twitter prompting people around the world to ask one important question: why?

The video comes courtesy of Rhino’s Pizzeria in Webster, NY. The unusual pizza joint boasts one of the strangest pies we’ve ever seen – a garlic sauce and mozzarella pizza topped with an ungodly amount of thinly-sliced dill pickles. To round it out, the pie receives a generous sprinkle of dill seasoning, because why the hell not? And of course, Rhino’s suggests that visitors top their briny monstrosity with a squirt or two of ranch dressing.

I love pickles, I do. I also love mint chocolate chip ice cream, but you couldn’t pay me enough to eat it on pizza. Evidently, though, this unusual pie is a pretty big dill in New York and beyond.

“People have been coming from all over – Buffalo, Syracuse, Pennsylvania,” Chef Cindy Arena told Food Insider in the original 2018 video.

Unsurprisingly, the pizza seems to hit the spot especially well for pregnant women. I’ve seen a pregnant woman mix tuna with peanut butter though, so I’m not sure that’s a particularly solid endorsement. In a poll shared on Twitter by Food Insider, 68.7% of people said they’d be willing to try the dill-packed pie, while the other 31.3% were less than enthused. To each their own, I suppose – but if you do decide to give it a go, gum seems like a good investment.

Here Are the 9 Best Deodorants for Boys Who Stink (They All Do)

deodorant for boys
(Getty Images)

If you’re asking yourself, “Does my kid need deodorant?” then the answer is yes. Being a dad, we probably shouldn’t have to tell you this, but just in case some non-dads are reading: Boys stink. They develop an odor over the day that’s sure to bring tears to your eyes. As a dad, you were once a boy, so you know this to be true.

And once those boys hit their teenage years, you’ll be amazed at the sudden increase in the level of stink. Dad-scented candles can’t even mask these teenage odors most of the time. The level of teenage stink is enough to make you wish a family of skunks would move into your teenager’s bedroom and freshen things up.

We know it’s not entirely their fault. As adolescents go through puberty, the sweating and odor that comes with it becomes significantly more pronounced. That’s where the best deodorant for boys can help. Deodorants block and mask odors, making them different from antiperspirants, which block sweating. When you and your child participate in workouts together, you may not want to block his sweating, as it’s the body’s natural way of cooling itself.

Rather than having the kid drown himself in perfume-y body spray (lookin’ at you, Axe commercials) the best deodorant for teen boys should be more effective at blocking the specific odors from sweating.

(If your child is suffering from excessive sweating or excessive odor from sweating, you will want to see your doctor for a potential diagnosis of osmidrosis or hyperhidrosis, which are conditions that may need a stronger level of protection than the best deodorants for boys will deliver.)

Best Deodorants for Teen Boys

best deodorant for boys

MONA Brands Natural Deodorant for Boys

For young boys who have sensitive skin, applying deodorant can cause rashes and sore underarms. And the last thing you want to do is give your kid a deodorant that’s painful to apply. The MONA Brands deodorant doesn’t have baking soda, aluminum, alcohol, or talc, so it should be safe to use for boys who have sensitive skin. It has long lasting protection and will not stain clothes either.

Best of all, it is the complete opposite of the body sprays, as it only has a light scent. (And if your teenage boys have not yet discovered body spray, you can be thankful.)

Buy for $12 on Amazon

best deodorants for boys

TBH Boys Deodorants for All Skin Types

Another natural deodorant for boys is this TBH brand, as it features only natural ingredients, such as charcoal, arrowroot powder, coconut oil, and witch hazel. It doesn’t have aluminum, which causes irritation for some young children. It’s fragrance-free, so your kid doesn’t have to feel self-conscious about wearing a deodorant with a strange scent.

If your son likes the TBH brand, here’s some good news: There are multiple other body cleansing products from TBH that your son also may actually want to use. It’s possible that your son will never have been cleaner. Miracles do happen.

Buy for $20 (3-pack) on Amazon

best deodorant for teen boys

SmartyPits Mini Deodorant Sampler Pack for Boys

For picky teenagers, it sometimes may take testing out a few different deodorants to find the brand that feels the best on the skin and that provides a desirable scent (and not necessarily in that order). With this SmartyPits multi-pack of trial-size deodorants, the kid can give a few different scents a test run, seeking the best one to combat their newfound musk.

(Yeah, the musk is pretty gross. Just remember, all of us dads made it through this awkward phase of life, and your teenage boys will get through it too. It only seems like it’s been going on forever and there’s no end in sight.)

This brand of deodorant does not include aluminum, parabens, baking soda, or propylene glycol, relying on magnesium to help with problems with sensitive skin.

Buy for $22 (4-pack trial size) on Amazon

best deodorant for boys

GrowingBasics Hero Deodorant for Tween Boys

Any deodorant that is brave enough to take on the armpits of the typical teenage or pre-teenage boy probably deserves to call itself by the Hero brand name. It even has a pseudo-Captain America shield with substitute colors on the front of the product to drive home the hero theme.

This Hero Tween Deodorant is free of aluminum, paraben, alcohol, sulfate, and propylene glycol, making it safe to use on sensitive skin. It doesn’t have an overwhelming scent, as it relies on an understated combination of citrus, cucumber, and amber to try to help your son ward off odor.

Buy for $15 (2-pack) on Amazon

best deodorant for teen boys

FoodGradeOrganic Natural Organic Deodorant for Boys

Teenagers will eat a lot of crazy stuff. But when a maker of one of the best deodorants for teen boys says that its ingredients are healthy and natural enough that you could eat them, we have to draw the line. Trust us: No matter how tempting, your teenage boys will not smell any better if they eat this natural deodorant for boys.

But when used on the underarms, this all-natural boys deodorant will help kids overcome problems with B.O., while using the safest possible ingredients. The FoodGradeOrganic brand of deodorant is free of talc, propylene gylocol, alcohol, aluminum, soy, and paraben.

It’s available in original, orange, and unicorn scents. (No, we don’t want to guess what a unicorn smells like. But if it’s anything like a horse, it won’t be good.)

Buy for $14 on Amazon

best deodorant for boys

Fresh Kidz Natural Deodorant for Boys

If you like products that have a name that gives you hope, in the war on the B.O. stench of boys, a product with the brand name Fresh Kidz is the perfect selection. Now we all know delivering a fresh smell for boys is a lot to ask of any one product, but this Fresh Kidz deodorant gives it a great effort.

It uses ingredients that should prevent skin irritation for the young boys, making them more comfortable with using deodorant on a daily basis. (Or maybe more often. Hourly might be a bit much, but there are certain days it’d be worth considering.)

The deodorant is free of aluminum, chemicals, and parabens, which helps it remain safe to use. It won’t stain clothing or block pores, which is ideal for kids who are involved in athletics and who need to sweat to keep the body cool.

Buy for $24 (3-pack) on Amazon

best deodorant for teen boys

GrowingBasics Sport A Best Deodorant for Boys

For boys who have a busy day planned with traveling from one sports practice to another, having the time to shower between events is probably not possible. That means you will be trapped in the car with the stinky kid when traveling from practice to practice. (No one said parenting would be all fun times.)

Fortunately, this Sport A Best deodorant for boys promises to deliver 24-hour protection against body odor without leaving a sticky feeling and without causing skin sensitivity problems. This formula relies on a clean ocean spring scent with natural materials to deliver a pleasing smell. It is free from aluminum, paraben, talc, and sulfate. It goes on clear to prevent stains on clothing.

Buy for $15 (2-pack) on Amazon

best deodorant for teen boys

Kobi Deodorant for Teen Boys

The majority of the best deodorant for teen boys products will have cartoonish graphics on them, trying to draw the attention of kids. So when a deodorant maker places a silly written message on the deodorant container instead of graphics, it’s going to grab our attention.

Teenage boys who don’t want to use the same cartoonish deodorants as their little brothers will appreciate this Kobi deodorant, which feels a little more adult. Fortunately, it works good too. It is available in adult-like scents including mountain mint, sweet lime, and vanilla dream that will appeal to teen boys who are wanting to act more mature.

And if the little brothers decide to “borrow” big brother’s deodorant, it’s safe enough for young boys to use too, as it’s free of baking soda, aluminum, paraben, phthalate, and artificial fragrances. (We cannot vouch for whether the little brothers will be safe from big brother’s wrath once he catches them using his deodorant, though.)

Buy for $14 on Amazon

best deodorant for boys

Tom’s of Maine Wicked Cool Natural Deodorant for Boys

This Tom’s of Maine best deodorant for teen boys delivers natural ingredients and natural scents. (This natural scent is far better than the natural B.O. your teenage son will have. Trust us.) This deodorant is free of dyes, artificial fragrances, artificial colors, talc, paraffin, polyethylene glycol, and aluminum, meaning it will be safe for the sensitive skin of pre-teen and teenage boys.

It claims to provide 24-hour protection against wetness and odor, so it’s great for kids who are on the go all day long.

Buy for $12 (3-pack) on Amazon

Although we only recommend picks we really love, we may earn a commission on purchases made through links from our site.

He DID Do That! Steve Urkel Actor Launches Marijuana Line

Jaleel White Weed
(Instagra/Jaleel White, PurpleUrkle)

The cannabiz is a legitimate industry now, with dozens of states having outright decriminalized or legalized marijuana. You can’t listen to a podcast or radio show without hearing the benefits of CBD. And even celebs are cashing in, with the latest being everyone’s favorite mischievously inquisitive neighbor Steve Urkel.

Actor Jaleel White, made famous as 90s nerd Steve Urkel on “Family Matters”, has launched his own brand of designer weed called ItsPurpl, including variants of the Purple Urkle strain. Maybe you’re less into the suspenders and the “Did IIIII do that?” vibes, because you’re a Stefan guy? He’s got you covered there, as the “Stefan” strain will be a cross of the Purple Urkle and a lighter-hued strain.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Jaleel White (@jaleelwhite)

White said the thing that always stood out to him was that there was no clear brand leader ‘for fire purple weed,…so why not me?’ He got connected with 710 Labs, the partner in this offering, through some chance encounters on flights and the rest is now history.

ItsPurpl launches on 4/20 (because duh) and will be on shelves in California and soon at other marketplaces. And White, a self-professed heavy smoker, said he understands the legacy of his character in the culture, and that he’s not taking his new venture lightly.

“The legacy of the character has just taken on its own life, I’ve been associated with something, an avenue of cannabis that’s respected and known,” he said. “My criteria was, ‘I cannot do this and put out a, you know, a boo-boo offering of no effort.’ ”He describes ItsPurpl as a lifestyle brand that celebrates adventure and food. “And what’s going to enhance adventure and food more than some bomb-ass weed?”

I mean, he’s got a point there, and while he delivers that line with the smoothness and suaveness of Stefan, it’s still technically a question, which harkens us back to the Urkel of yore. And that’s the blend he’s looking for by making his name in a new industry. And who wouldn’t want to support a fellow dad?

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Jaleel White (@jaleelwhite)

Father Figures: All Worth It

“My wife and I found out that we were expecting our first child two weeks before the COVID lockdown, while simultaneously learning we had to move from California to Florida over that same summer for my wife’s career.

I had never felt such a tornado of varying emotions in my life. I was no stranger to moving; I was a military child until I started college. But this was different.

My wife and I spent almost three months apart while I moved our belongings cross-country flying solo, and she stayed home with her family for health safety.

Our daughter arrived in November, we had no health insurance, I couldn’t find a job because of the pandemic (I am a chef – we got hit hard), and the panic ensued – about income and taking care of my family.

We made it through after eight months of unemployment, and times are still hard, but every day I come home I get to see my daughter Lyla’s beautiful smile, and I don’t believe for a moment that it isn’t worth everything I have.

2020, and the future I’m sure, proved more to me than all my life before that I can handle anything, but being a dad makes it all worth it.”

– Eric Jackson

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Rumored: Marvel Developing Wolverine Series For Disney+

Wolverine Series Disney+
(Marvel Comics)

The Marvel Cinematic Universe has been put on hold, at least until this summer, but the Marvel Televised Universe – or should it be the Marvel Streaming Universe? – is going strong on Disney+.

So far we’ve gotten WandaVision, are smack dab in the middle of Falcon and the Winter Soldier, and have Loki on deck – with a whole slew of other shows in development. Much of the excitement about these shows revolves around their connections to the MCU, especially in terms of introducing new characters into the firmament.

Among the most speculated about characters are the X-Men, and WandaVision fueled that fire in a variety of ways. Unfortunately, Magneto didn’t materialize, and Quicksilver’s appearance was proven to be a tease. But that doesn’t mean the X-Men aren’t coming soon.

A new rumor from That Hashtag Show suggests they may be coming very soon, in the guise of the most famous mutant of all: Wolverine.

According to THS, Marvel is currently developing a new series based around the hirsute, adamantium-clawed, borderline immortal mutant. The show is purported to be an anthology series that tackles a different storyline each season, with the first season tackling Project X. Future seasons could potentially tackle the acclaimed Japan storyline, and perhaps Old Man Logan, both of which have been touched upon one way or another in the Fox film series.

The big question any time a new Wolverine project is discussed is the question of casting, and unfortunately, these rumors have no such tidbits. This hasn’t stopped the internet from throwing names into the mix, like The Boys’ Anthony Starr and Karl Urban, Rocketman’s Taran Egerton, and more.

Obviously, Marvel is the standard for superhero stories, and everyone is dying for their takes on Wolverine and the other X-Men. The first few Fox movies were good, and Logan was great, but the MCU has a shot to Trump them all. But would they start on TV?

Frankly, the idea of Marvel introducing one of the marquee characters on Disney+ instead of on the big screen seems a bit unlikely to me, but the dominance of streaming, especially over the past year, has changed the game. Anything is possible.

Except Danny DeVito getting the role. Unfortunately.