BIRMINGHAM, AL – Referring to the viral video as a “harbinger of self-imposed sterility,” Glenn Turnbull, 36, made no less than eight references to “Baby Shark” on his application for a vasectomy this week.
The form, which says Turnbull experienced a hernia in 2015 and has been taking H-2-receptor blockers ever since also explicitly states that he would rather be full-on castrated than ever be subjected to another song about a family of sharks.
“You’ll see here that I checked ‘yes’ when asked if the permanence of the procedure was explained to me,” Turnbull explained, showing the form. “And down here I’ve specified how never hearing the words ‘Grandma Shark’ again is well worth getting my sack sliced open and the capacity to procreate stripped of me.”
The application shows that Glenn had a prior procedure, takes one antibiotic, and would rather “straight up take a Louisville Slugger to the nads” if it meant ensuring no more “Baby Shark” enthusiasts sprung forth from his testicles.
Turnbull also made use of the questions/comment box to inquire about any potential shifts in testosterone levels, and how the lyrics “doo doo doo doo doo doo” alone evoke fantasies where someone takes a sword to his vas deferens.
Glenn’s wife could not be reached for comment, as she was busy explaining the Minions franchise to a tubal ligation specialist.
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