Jane Morris is the bestselling author of Teacher Misery. Every so often she curates a funny collection of student pieces for us at The Dad. You can catch up with her on Facebook.

The Thanksgiving holiday is a joyous time of year. In elementary schools across America students trace their hands and make them into turkeys and write down what they are thankful for. Most kids will think of their parents, their pets, their favorite toys, their friends etc. It is heartwarming to see. But there are always a few super honest kiddos who produce hilarious gems.

1. Sure David is blessed with his mommy, daddy and Sara. But Netflix really changed his life!

2. Lucy has a very advanced understanding of finances. I respect that.

3. I love that this child understands the lengths his mother goes to in order to keep him fresh and clean.

4. Isabella went existential with this one.

5. This child loves cats. She grew up loving them. They offer emotional support to keep her vices at bay.

6. Betrayed! Baby brothers are cool, but puppies are way better.

7. Believe me kid, parents are thankful for ’em too! It’s basically the only thing children eat.

8. So true. I have a new appreciation for toilet paper.

9. Perhaps we’re reading this wrong. Maybe this kid is thankful for quiet time to himself. It could be that it helps him clear the chaos he depicts?

In 1988 something truly spectacular happened: We watched Die Hard and met Bruce Willis’ salty, sassy John McClane. The New York detective was the stuff of nightmares for bad guys everywhere…especially Hans Gruber (RIP Alan Rickman). He was a boss’ worst nightmare. He cursed worse than any sailor or trucker we’ve ever met, even as adults. And, you guys, he was so freaking cool. The movie was full of quotable lines, which earned it instant icon status and us a firm talking to or a mouthful of soap if our moms ever heard. That didn’t exactly stop us, though… did it?

John McClane started off old and crotchety and has only gotten better with age. We’re now thirty-something years and five movies into the franchise. He’s like a fine wine because he only gets better with age. Was A Good Day To Die Hard our final chance to hang with John McClane? We hope not. We need to keep watching him age to know how we’re supposed to do it properly. The film also started one of the longest-running debates in film history: is Die Hard a Christmas movie? In fact, according to the latest search data available, there are nearly 2,500 Google searches for that same question a month. A month!

Warning: (Read this in a John McClane voice). Obviously, this isn’t PG-13. Get over it and don’t read it around children.

Iconic Quotes From Die Hard

1. Dwayne T. Robinson: How do you know that?
Sgt. Al Powell: A hunch, things he said. Like being able to spot a phony ID.

Dwayne T. Robinson: Jesus Christ, Powell, he could be a fucking bartender for all we know!

2. John McClane: Glass, who gives a shit about glass?

3. Hans Gruber: Mr. Mystery Guest? Are you still there?

John McClane: Yeah, I’m still here. Unless you wanna open the front door for me.

4. Dwayne T. Robinson: This is Deputy Chief of Police, Dwayne T. Robinson, and I am in charge of this situation.

John McClane: Oh, you’re in charge? Well, I got some bad news for you Dwayne, from up here it doesn’t look like you’re in charge of jack shit.

5. John McClane: Now I know how a TV dinner feels.

6. Hans Gruber: We do NOT alter the plan!

Karl: And, if HE alters it?

7. John McClane: Welcome to the party pal!

8. Hans Gruber: Uh, no, I’m afraid not. But, you have me at a loss. You know my name but who are you? Just another American who saw too many movies as a child? Another orphan of a bankrupt culture who thinks he’s John Wayne? Rambo? Marshal Dillon?

John McClane: Was always kinda partial to Roy Rogers actually. I really like those sequined shirts.

9. Hans Gruber: Now I have a machine gun. Ho-ho-ho.

10. John McClane: [huddled in an air vent, recalls his wife’s invitation] Come out to the coast, we’ll get together, have a few laughs…

11. Hans Gruber: You asked for miracles, I give you… the FBI.

12. Hans Gruber: [Hans’ radio turns on] I thought I told all of you, I want radio silence until further…

John McClane: Ooooh, I’m very sorry Hans. I didn’t get that message. Maybe you should’ve put it on the bulletin board. I figured since I’ve waxed Tony and Marco and his friend here, I figured you and Karl and Franco might be a little lonely, so I wanted to give you a call.

12. Store clerk: (looking at Twinkies) I thought you guys just ate donuts?

13. Hans Gruber: (On the radio) You are most troublesome for a security guard.

14. Hans Gruber: Who are you, then?

John McClane: Just a fly in the ointment, Hans. A monkey in the wretch. A pain in the ass.

15. John McClane: It’s okay, I’m a cop. Trust me, I’ve been doing this for eleven years.

16. Takagi: You want money? What kind of terrorists are you?

Hans Gruber: Who said we were terrorists?

17. John McClane: I’m a cop from New York.

Hans Gruber: New York?

John McClane: Got invited to the Christmas party by mistake. Who knew? (Hans looks at John’s bare feet) Better than getting caught with your pants down. (Laughs) I’m John McClane.

18. Sergeant Al Powell: Hey Roy, how you feeling?

John McClane: Pretty fuckin’ unappreciated, Al.

19. Hans Gruber: I spent a weekend at a combat ranch. You know that game with the guns that shoot red paint? Probably seems kind of stupid to you.

20. Holly Gennero McClane: You’ll have to forgive Ellis. He gets very depressed this time of year. He thought he was God’s greatest gift. You know?

21. John McClane: I think he’s got his eye on you.

Holly Gennero McClane: That’s okay. I have my eye on his private bathroom.

22. John McClane: No. [hands him the gun] Time for the real thing, Bill. All you gotta do is pull the trigger.

23. Marco: No more table! Where are you going to go now? Let me give you some advice: Next time you have the chance to kill someone, don’t hesitate!

John McClane: (Kills him) Thanks for the advice.

24. John McClane: Why don’t you take THIS under consideration, motherfucker?

25. John McClane: You throw quite a party. I didn’t realize they celebrated Christmas in Japan.

Joseph Takagi: Hey, we’re flexible. Pearl Harbor didn’t work out so we got you with tape decks.

26. John McClane: “Nine million terrorists in the world and I gotta kill one with feet smaller than my sister.”

27. John McClane: No fucking shit lady, does it sound like I’m ordering a pizza?

28. Ellis: Hey babe, I negotiate million-dollar deals for breakfast. I think I can handle this Eurotrash.

29. John McClane: You’re pretty tricky with that accent. You oughtta be on fuckin’ TV with that accent.

30. Hans Gruber: You Americans are all alike. Well, this time John Wayne does not walk off into the sunset with Grace Kelly.

John McClane: That’s Gary Cooper, asshole.

31. Holly Gennero McClane: Only John can make somebody that crazy.

32. Hans Gruber: Do you really think you have a chance against us Mr. cowboy?

John McClane: Yippie Ki Yay Motherfucker!

33. Hans Gruber: I am going to count to three. There will not be a four.

34. Tony: You won’t hurt me.

John McClane: Oh, yeah? Why not?

Tony: Because you’re a policeman. There are rules for policemen.

John McClane: Yeah. That’s what my captain keeps telling me.

35. Dwayne T. Robinson: We’re gonna need some more FBI guys, I guess.

36. Hans Gruber: I wanted this to be professional, efficient, adult, cooperative. Not a lot to ask.

37. Hans: The following people are to be released from their captors: In Northern Ireland, the seven members of the New Provo Front. In Canada, the five imprisoned leaders of Liberte de Quebec. In Sri Lanka, the nine members of the Asian Dawn movement…

John McClane: (listening on the radio) What the fuck?

Karl: (mouthing silently) Asian Dawn?

Hans: (covers the radio) I read about them in Time magazine.

38. Hans Gruber: Alas, your Mr. Takagi did not see it that way… so he won’t be joining us for the rest of his life.

39. Hans Gruber: We can go any way you want it. You can walk out of here or be carried out. But have no illusions. We are in charge.

40. Dwayne T. Robinson: Oh god I hope that’s not a hostage.

41. Hans Gruber: That’s a nice suit. It’d be a shame to ruin it

42. John McClane: Happy trails, Hans.

43. John McClane: Is the building destroyed?

Sgt. Al Powell: No, but it’s gonna need a new paint job and a shit-load of screen doors.

Quotes From Die Hard 2: Die Harder

44. Capt. Grant: Too bad, McClane. I kinda liked you.

John McClane: I’ve got enough friends!

45. John McClane: How can the same shit happen to the same guy twice.

46. Marvin: You like it, huh? How ’bout you give me twenty bucks for it.

John McClane: How ’bout I let you live?

Marvin: Man knows how to barter.

47. Capt. Grant: You are just in the wrong place, at the wrong time.

John McClane: Story of my life.

48. John McClane: Just once, I’d like a regular, normal Christmas. Eggnog, a fuckin’ Christmas tree, a little turkey. But, no! I gotta crawl around in this motherfuckin’ tin can!

49. Flight Attendant: (to Holly) What did you do?

Holly: Knocked out two of his teeth.

Flight Attendant: Would you like some champagne?

50. Lorenzo: Yeah, yeah. I know who you are. You’re the asshole that’s just broke seven FAA and five District of Columbia regulations, running around my airport with a gun, shooting at people. What do you call that shit?

McClane: Self-defense.

51. McClane: Powell, put down that Twinkie and talk to me!

Powell: John! How the hell you been?

52. Holly McClane: Listen Dick. That is your name? Dick. If you’re gonna continue to get this close do you think you might consider switching aftershaves?

Thornberg: Anything else?

Holly McClane: Stronger mouthwash would be nice.

“This is my dad, Jeff, on one of the many vacations my parents were sure to take me and my brother on as youth.

At 21, I now find myself thinking everyday about the incredible impact and example he has set for me throughout my life. He has shown me a loving marriage with my mom, how to be a good friend and person, how to work hard, to not be afraid to show emotion, to be accountable, and above all, how to deal with adversity.

When I was 13, our town was devastated by flooding, my childhood home included. We were forced out of our home for well over a month, with nearly all of our belongings being destroyed. Throughout this whole ordeal, facing emotional and financial stresses I couldn’t imagine, my dad made sure my brother and I were never worried.

He shouldered the weight of the clean up, finding a new home, and setting us up again, all while making sure we still had our summer. He showed me that tough times don’t last but tough people do. I feel comfortable talking to him about any issue or feelings I might have to this day, as I know he will help me down the right path.

If I can be half the man and father my dad is, I will be happy.”

– Adam Pahl

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

We’ve got our first new look at Disney’s latest animated offering, as the trailer for ‘Raya and the Last Dragon’ has been released and it looks incredible. The movie, starring (the voice of) Kelly Marie Tran of Star Wars fame, will hit movie theaters in the spring of 2021.

Like many other movies, this too was affected by the COVID, moving it out of its original winter 2020 opening. But fear not, because this looks worth the wait. And it’s a nice showcase for Tran, who rose to fame in Star Wars ‘The Last Jedi’, only to see her role sidelined a bit in the final film of the trilogy (although she’s back for the Lego Holiday special!). Raya is about an ancient world of magic, adventure, creatures, and the like, and you can certainly see why it was so hyped.

Here’s the official synopsis for the film:

Long ago, in the fantasy world of Kumandra, humans and dragons lived together in harmony. But when an evil force threatened the land, the dragons sacrificed themselves to save humanity. Now, 500 years later, that same evil has returned and it’s up to a lone warrior, Raya, to track down the legendary last dragon to restore the fractured land and its divided people. However, along her journey, she’ll learn that it’ll take more than a dragon to save the world—it’s going to take trust and teamwork as well.

It’s a big moment for Tran, who becomes the first Southeast Asian actress to lead a Disney animated film. And in an interview with Entertainment Weekly, she talked about why this role is different (and so badass).

“What’s really cool about this project, about this character specifically, is that everyone’s trying to flip the narrative on what it means to be a princess,” Tran said to EW. “Raya is totally a warrior. When she was a kid, she was excited to get her sword. And she grows up to be a really badass, gritty warrior and can really take care of herself.”

Sounds cool, looks pretty cool, and definitely hope we’re in a place where we can watch this in an actual movie theater, as we used to in olden times. Slated for a March 2021 release, it could certainly get moved again, as COVID is still a big wildcard for the entire industry. That being said, Disney has had some success with digital releases, so this could be another one you stream straight from your couch.

Jared Leto’s Joker is back, as he’s slated to make an appearance in “Zack Snyder’s Justice League.” Leto will be reprising the role he debuted in 2016’s Suicide Squad, although hamstrung by a middling script, the reviews of his brief screen time were ambivalent. DC fans are hoping Leto gets more of a chance to leave his mark during the reshoots for Justice League.

The Snyder cut is shaping up to be an interesting, and incredibly unique, viewing experience. You rarely get to see a director pick up a project he had to leave midway through, let alone one on a huge budget. HBO sunk a TON of money into the project, as the budget for reshoots and editing is near $30 million. The entire main cast is expected to take part in reshoots during this month. The final project will be a massive, four-episode event on HBO Max.

After ‘Suicide Squad’, no one expected to see Leto back in the role as the Crown Prince of Crime. Especially after Joaquin Phoenix’s masterful take on the role in the latest to interpret the tortured criminal.

Snyder supposedly will present his original vision for the film, which has a darker tone overall than Joss Whedon’s sanitized version. And, with it being a four-episode event, we’ll get a lot more than we would from a theatrical version. That means more of some of the other heroes that have since been fleshed out in other movies. More Wonder Woman, and plenty more of Jason Momoa’s Aquaman. We’ll also get a glimpse of the real villain pulling the strings behind the scenes.

Supposedly, Snyder is using none of the footage shot by Whedon, which is why so many reshoots are being done.

Leto’s inclusion opens up a ton of possibilities for the project though, as he was not included in the original film, and now fans are wondering just how much new content will be part of the finally finished project.

The Snyder Cut will hit HBO Max in 2021.

Family is forever. But the ‘Fast & Furious’ franchise is not, as reports came out that we only have a few ‘Fast’ movies left. The franchise, which has become a global phenomenon and has raked in more than $5 billion at the box office, is wrapping up for good after two more films.

The upcoming ‘Fast’ movie, which is now set to be released in 2021, where Dom is a dad, brings the crew to a whole new realm; outer space. At least according to most rumors, ‘F9’ will be the first in the franchise to truly go out of this world. But we only have a few more movies to enjoy what’s become a legendary franchise, one that made Vin Diesel and Paul Walker stars.

Director Justin Lin, who is helming the upcoming ‘F9’, will also direct the final two films for the franchise, which will finish up at 11 total movies (not counting spin-offs, we see you ‘Shaw and Hobbs’) spanning over two-plus decades. That is a LOT of years for anyone who lives their life a quarter-mile at a time.

At least for its star, the end has always been in sight, as Diesel said earlier this year he’s already been planning the next movie and his hopes that the ‘Fast’ universe could live in with other characters in the driver’s seat.

“The universe is so robust and so rich with talent and rich with story that, on one level, it’s totally feasible to have spinoffs, and I think that’s something that is inevitable,” Diesel said. “For the fans, should ‘Fast 10’ parts one and two be the conclusion, it would be nice for this world to continue for generations to come.”

Given he recently released a song, maybe Vin is quitting his day job?

As humans, we have a tendency to – how do I put this lightly – ruin good things beyond repair. Not big things necessarily, but things like classic movies and TV shows frequently fall victim to our tendency to mess with things we love. A recent addition to the list of Things We Have Ruined is something that was never actually great, but we managed to turn gender reveal parties from hacky or relatively neutral to colorful atrocities. Heck, even the woman who decided to make gender reveal parties a “thing” has openly expressed regret about the monster she created.

Listen. I’m all for embracing your inner weirdo, but do it without burning down thousands of acres of forest like that expectant couple in LA who spent so much time reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting that they forgot to think about what to expect when you set off a pyrotechnic device in a forest full of dead grass (which is an increasingly necessary sequel).

To clarify, just because your gender reveal party isn’t dangerous doesn’t mean it’s a good idea. Every day there seems to be a new example of this, parents using their unborn children as a means to achieve internet fame. One thing the vast majority of them have in common is that when they do go viral, it’s not exactly for the intended reason.

A Twitter user named TrishXCIII_ recently shared an alarming gender reveal that was posted on TikTok, a gender reveal I wouldn’t wish upon the spawn of my worst enemy. Here’s the gist: two giant inflatable babies beat the crap out of each other until the giant inflatable girl baby is knocked to the ground. John Cena’s entrance theme “The Time is Now” plays in the background. Actually, that’s pretty much it.

This is the craziest gender reveal I’ve seen 🤣🤣🤣 pic.twitter.com/XZLHI0FhEN

— #portauprincess (@TrishXCIII_) October 13, 2020

The video was originally shared by TikTok user @bigrudie, and across all platforms, it has accumulated millions of views and thousands of comments. The Twitter community came to the consensus of, “what?” as users were baffled by both the premise itself and the fact that people would go to such lengths for something most deemed wildly unnecessary.

Ayyo what??? 😭 pic.twitter.com/qK3fCCGcdw

— 🦋 (@Simply_lay_) October 14, 2020

What in the absolute hell??

— Rex Chapman🏇🏼 (@RexChapman) October 13, 2020

When we found out our baby was a girl, we just told everyone.

— Michelle Pearce (@PSBFAN1991) October 13, 2020

Extremely questionable taste, but great execution. And hey, at least they didn’t burn down any forests.

There’s a reason that so many coming-of-age movies feature bullies as the antagonists. For most kids, the closest they’ll get to a real-life supervillain is a mean kid with nothing better to do. There are a lot of ways to deal with bullies. There’s the revenge route, which is generally the one we see in movies. Though exciting in theory, bullying a bully just turns you into a different kind of bully (and we do not need any more of those). You can turn to friends for support, or you can turn your experience into something amazing.

Greg Long’s son Jimmy loved to dance. Not only did Jimmy love dancing, but he was talented. His talent and passion for dancing landed him in a school performance, showcasing his skills to his classmates. However, what should have been a celebration of hard-work turned into something sinister. Some of the students in the audience decided to hurl insults and slurs at the young dancer, emboldened by the fact that their seats were shrouded in darkness.

On the ride home, Long listened to his son and his friends discuss the unexpectedly taxing day. He recalled to TODAY, “I got to listen to how 8- or 9- or 12-year-olds process that kind of bigotry. Instead of getting angry, I decided to make a T-shirt for them. And I came up with, ‘Hey, we’re just going to dance on. We’re just going to move past this.’”

“Dance On” started as a T-shirt design, a bold statement about doing what you love even in the face of bullies. But this supportive dad wasn’t done. The idea behind the T-shirt stayed with Long, as he was certain other kids faced the same thing his son and his friends had.

Greg Long is the type of dad we all admire – the type of dad who isn’t content strictly being there for his own kids. Long wanted to support other kids like his son, showing all boys who loved dancing that it was more than ok. That they should be proud of doing what they love rather than afraid of being judged. Long started a nonprofit called Dance On, an organization that promotes acceptance.

The Dance On website explains, “Here at Dance On, we are driven by a single goal; to do our part in making the world a better place for all. We work to keep boys dancing, even in the face of adversity. Our hope is to raise awareness around acceptance, anti-bullying, and allowing all people to follow their passions… to #danceon!”

The organization has sold thousands of T-Shirts, given away scholarships to deserving dancers, and Jimmy has even spoken publicly on his anti-bullying stance (with his supportive dad right behind him, of course).

“I lost it,” Greg said of a 2018 speech given by Jimmy. “I admittedly had tears coming down my face, because the strength that it takes for somebody like that to stand in front of 20,000 people and say, ‘I’ve been bullied and I’m not going to let it stop me from what I like to do’ — it was a proud moment.”

“It’s been nice to be a part of this as opposed to just being a dad who claps very loudly in the back of the auditorium,” he said.

For as long as Jimmy is dancing, Greg will be clapping loudly. In the front row, and beyond.

The times, they are unprecedented. But we’ve also seen certain people rise to meet the moment, and give what they can to make their corner of the world a little bit better place. Michael Jordan is one of those people, who donated millions of dollars to help open a health clinic in the city of his basketball team in Charlotte, North Carolina.

Now, Jordan, the philanthropist, has helped open a second clinic developed to serve underprivileged communities in the Charlotte area. The clinics are for the uninsured and underinsured people in the area, to provide access to physical, dental, and behavioral health services. Obviously, when our world is enduring an unprecedented health crisis, uniquely affecting those populations, there’s never been a time when this is more needed.

Novant Health opened the second clinic Monday, one year after the first was opened. Jordan told the Charlotte Observer that it gave his family “great pride to know that we are making a difference in Charlotte.”

The Novant Health Michael Jordan Family Medical Clinic is going to be life-changing for the people it helps. During the COVID crisis, the first clinic has been a huge resource to the community, providing accessible COVID screening, treatment, and testing. The first clinic has helped thousands of patients who may not have been able to get care elsewhere, and many of them have called it “life-saving.”

Michael Jordan asked us how we’ll measure the success of our clinics. The answer? The number of lives we touch, improve & save. Thanks to two patients who are sharing their stories, it’s clear we’re making a real difference in our communities that need us most. Thank you, MJ! pic.twitter.com/LTYIeOQJBu

— Novant Health (@NovantHealth) October 20, 2020

“To see how it’s evolved is so gratifying, it makes me want to do more so we can keep answering the bell,” Jordan said in a dedication interview. “We are put on this earth in some ways to make a difference in whatever way we can.”

There’s no questioning that his latest efforts are making real, tangible changes to people that need it more than most. And for that, Jordan proves once again why he’s one of the GOATs of the sports world.

The era of remote learning has come with its fair share of challenges. If getting kids to sit and focus on a screen for a day’s worth of lessons isn’t enough, lack of resources and technical problems throw a whole new mess of complications in the mix. As with most of life’s challenges, there is a silver lining. Sometimes remote learning comes with unexpected surprises – special guests, exciting activities, and in the case of one Muskegon Heights elementary school teacher, the ability to save a life.

While teaching her first-graders remotely on September 22, Julia Koch noticed one of her students having technical difficulties. Since students need their devices throughout the school day, it’s important that they charge them regularly. One student, however, explained that her device wouldn’t charge.

Rather than talking a first grader through tech support, Koch asked to speak to the student’s grandma, Cynthia Phillips. Interacting with students’ guardians happens nearly every day, especially when kids are learning from home – but unlike most teacher-guardian interactions, this one was life-saving.

As soon as Phillips started to speak, alarm bells went off in the perceptive teacher’s head.

“When she started speaking, I could tell that there was something wrong. I wasn’t sure what was wrong, but there was something wrong,” Koch told WREG.

Though Koch didn’t know exactly what to tell administrators, she contacted them immediately. She knew the woman needed help, and she knew the administration could quickly locate the students’ home address.

“I need someone at that residence ASAP, please,” a school staffer said to the 911 operator.

Koch’s instincts told her something was very wrong, and she was absolutely right. Phillips was having a stroke. Thanks to this teacher’s quick response, Phillips was rushed to the hospital where she remained for several days. Though recovery is a long and arduous process, the life-saving intervention came quickly enough to mitigate the damage.

As soon as she was well enough to do so, Phillips expressed her immense gratitude to Koch and the school’s staff. “Thank you for saving my life,” Phillips said. “If it wasn’t for them getting me the help, I needed I would’ve just not been here.”