70+ Funny Facts to Spin Into Dad Jokes, You Wild and Crazy Guy

funny facts
(Getty/RgStudio)

Need something to talk about at the dinner table, during carpool, or on your next Zoom meeting while waiting for Gary from accounting to show up ten minutes late? These funny facts are all 100 percent true and somewhere between 50 percent and 100 percent hilarious. It’s all about delivery, my dude. If you can get it right, even the most straight-forward of facts can be funny facts. Now, more than ever, you’re going to need to rely on your dad-ittude to bring light to the darkness… or humor to the conversation. Same thing.

1 “The Highest Court in the Land” (The Supreme Court) is home to the… highest court in the land, the nickname for their in-house basketball court. Think you can dunk on RBG?

2. Hawaiian Pizza was actually invented in Canada by a Greek immigrant.

3. Meanwhile, Flamin’ Hot Cheetos were actually invented by a janitor.

4. Tony The Tiger once had to make a public plea on Twitter for people to stop sending him anthropomorphic animal porn, proving once and for all that if it exists, there’s a porn about it.

5. Moondyne Joe escaped prison so many times that jailers built a special cell just for him. He escaped that, too.

6. Cookie Monster’s real name is Sid.

7. It takes 570 gallons of paint to keep The White House looking fresh.

8. The Bloodhound Gang once released a song called, “The Ten Coolest Things About New Jersey.” It’s ten seconds of silence and obviously the world’s best diss track.

9. If you tried to ice skate on Jupiter’s moon, Europa, which is covered in ice, an Axel jump would take you 22 feet in the air.

10. Cow moos have regional dialects. That means a cow from Pennsylvania may not be able to communicate properly with a cow from Wisconsin. So, gossiping is out.

11. You know Barry Manilow’s song, “I Write The Songs?” Not. Actually. Written by Manilow.

12. Dolly Parton once lost a lookalike contest — She was beat by a drag queen.

13. No, you can’t actually see the Great Wall of China from space. At least not without help from a zooming lens.

14. Ever notice your baby has an orange nose? She’s probably eating too many carrots and other beta-carotene-rich foods. Adults can have the same reaction… assuming they still like carrots enough.

15. There’s almost more Monopoly money printed each year than real money.

16. Unicorns are the official animal of Scotland.

17. Also, it’s illegal to hunt unicorns in Michigan.

18. There’s an underwear museum in Brussels. They were once robbed of a pair of underwear from the mayor.

19. Viagra will help flowers last longer, too.

20. Don’t share this one with the wife: In Spanish, the word “esposas” means both “wife” and “handcuffs.”

21. You swallow an average of four cups of snot each day.

22. Talk about in-demand jobs: You must be a licensed electrician to change a lightbulb in Victoria, Australia.

23. Meanwhile, “mortgage” has French roots and originally meant, “death contract.”

24. Jim Carrey and Tupac Shukar used to be pen pals.

25. If you spliced together all the silent moments in the first “Twilight” movie, you’d have 26 minutes of creepy, silent staring.

26. In China, the word “censorship” is, well, censored.

27. There’s actually an official answer to, “How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?” It’s 364.

28. New Zealand’s Air Force logo has a picture of a Kiwi on it. Kiwis are flightless birds.

29. There’s an American town that once elected a toddler for mayor.

30. Buzz Aldrin’s mother’s maiden name was Moon.

31. The inventor of the Telecaster and Stratocaster guitars, Leo Fender, couldn’t actually play guitar.

32. A town in Alaska has had a cat for a mayor for the last 15 years.

33. There’s also a town Kentucky with a dog for a mayor — it holds regular votes and cycles through other resident canines.

34. That panic you get when you accidentally leave your phone at home? It’s real and it’s called nomophobia.

35. There are more trade regulations on bananas than on AK47s.

36. Be cautious Texas Bigfoot impersonators! In Texas, it’s legal to kill Bigfoot, if you ever find him.

37. Also, in Norway “Texas” is used as slang to mean “crazy.”

38. The scientific name for the Western Lowland Gorilla is “gorilla gorilla gorilla.”

39. For about $1600, you can hire a French company to kidnap you. No judgment here.

40. The Danish word for “condom” is “svangerskabsforebyggende middel.” Annnnd we’re finished.

41. According to one survey, it would take 76 workdays to read through all the crap you agree to each year when you blindly accept privacy agreements.

42. You’re twice as likely to be killed by a vending machine than a shark.

43. Playing in a marching band is considered moderate exercise. Unless you play the tuba. Then it’s strength training.

44. The first video shown on MTV was “Video Killed The Radio Star.” (You know, back when they still played music.)

45. A Canadian man was once arrested for tying a ton of balloons to his lawn chair and flying over the city. Dang, Canada. Let a man live.

46. The award for the weirdest use of a pop song in a campaign goes to Saddam Hussein and Whitney Houston. He used her song, “I Will Always Love You” in his 2002 campaign.

47. The most overdue library book was returned roughly 288 years late.

48. Jack Daniels’ last word? “One last drink, please.”

49. Harry Pott-wait, no. Daniel Radcliffe once wore the exact same outfit for six months in an effort to annoy and discourage paparazzi.

50. The ultimate political flex? After being elected, President Banana, of Zimbabwe, made a law that no one could make fun of his name.

51. America has an official Rock, Paper, Scissors League. Because, of course we do.

52. David Copperfield once used sleight-of-hand magic to avoid being robbed of his possessions.

53. Charles Bukowski’s tombstone reads, “Don’t try.”

54. In ancient Greece, if you loved someone, you chucked an apple at them.

55. Still more legit than Trump University: More than 80,000 people have graduated from McDonald’s Hamburger University.

56. A “nurdle” isn’t a Harry Potter creature. It’s actually the name for the dollop of toothpaste on your toothbrush. The more you know?

57. There’s a species of fish called “slippery dick.”

58. Leery of that young doctor? Think, again. Surgeons who grew up playing video games apparently make 37% fewer mistakes.

59. Walmart has a lower acceptance rate than Harvard. So, shoot your shot.

60. The original name for the search engine Google was Backrub. It was renamed Google after the googolplex, which is the number one followed by 100 zeros.

61. A footprint left on the moon will be there for 100 million years.

62. The sun travels around the galaxy once every 200 million years.

63. “Psycho” was the first movie to show a flushing toilet.

64. The only member of ZZ Top without a bear? Frank Beard.

65. Ozzy Osbourne once joined a protest… against himself.

66. Canada is south of Detroit (just look at a map).

67. In Greek mythology, it was believed that red heads turned into vampires when they died.

68. A shrimp’s heart is in its head.

69. Regret getting married? You can be sued for breaking an engagement in about half the U.S. states.

70. Miss Piggy and Yoda were voiced by the same person, Frank Oz.

71. Mosquitoes are the deadliest animal in the world: They kill more people than any other creature, due to the diseases they carry.

72. Three presidents, all Founding Fathers—John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, and James Monroe—died on July 4.

Father Figures: What Life Is About

“Eli had a rough day today. He’s 19 months old and teething like a maniac. This picture is what it looked like after his nap. I held him in this position for 12 minutes. No idea what he wanted but I knew he was happy in my arms.

I had back surgery 3.5 weeks ago so I can’t pick him up. Laying down would be preferable but this is what the little man wanted today. A comforting snuggle with Dad. It didn’t matter that I had work to do, or had some pain in my back. What mattered is that he felt safe in my arms.

My whole life I wanted to be the best dad I could be when my time came. I couldn’t wait for the day to come where I could hold my toddler’s hand and walk down the street, or into a restaurant (when that was feasible), or just down the hallway to the kitchen.

19 months ago, my life changed. No longer did I have the time, or the desire, to go golfing every weekend. Sure, I miss having the same amount of careless time out with my friends, as I’m sure many of us do. We may be getting older but we’re still young guys at heart, right?

I have laughed harder, smiled more, and cried more over the last 19 months than I had in my first 30 years on this planet. The little guy brings us so much joy, humor, and happiness. 5 out of 7 nights (at least) my wife goes to bed hearing me say ‘he’s just so amazing, and funny. I love him so much.’

She also hears me cry and doubt myself. I want to show him the highest example of what it is to be a person, a fellow human being on this earth. What if I do something wrong, or say something I may regret? What if he doesn’t see the lessons we try to teach so early on? It doesn’t matter. I’m here for him. As a father, as a male role model, as a friend.

By being there for him, I know he will not only succeed in life, but he will be one person others wish they could have been around. No matter what happens each day, I know that by the end of that day Eli and I (and everyone else in his life) will have had great laughs, lots of smiles, and more love than could be given.

This is what life is about. This is what our lives, as fathers, is about. Let’s all do what we can do be better for ourselves so we can be better for our little ones. Hold them and love them and cuddle them every chance you get. These times don’t come as much as we’d like, or need.”

– Brian Gaudet

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

Mark Hamill Cheers up Children’s Hospital Patients With His Voices

Hamill Cheers Up Kids with Voice Talents
(YouTube/Children's Hospital Los Angeles)

Luke Skywalker was a hero, but the man who played him, Mark Hamill, is every bit a legend himself. The 69-year-old actor went above and beyond to cheer up some patients at a Children’s Hospital by reading to them virtually and delighted them by doing his Joker voice and impressions of Darth Vader and Yoda.

Hamill flexed his prodigious voice talents (the guy did do a killer cartoon Joker for years) by reading to patients at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles as part of the Make March Matter campaign, where actors and organizations come together to support the hospital. He told People the kids knew more about Star Wars than he did.

“Virtually visiting young patients at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles was a remarkable and touching experience. My favorite part was reading a special book with them, Darth Vader and Son by Jeffrey Brown,” Hamill said.

One patient asked a brilliant question, pondering what Hamill’s Joker would say to Luke Skywalker. Hamill responded PERFECTLY.

He said he was happy to do the Joker impression on a private Zoom with a patient, but that it’s awkward to do when people ask in public.

“You can’t do him quietly and it’s disturbing for those who assume I’m just some random kook.”

During the book readings, he also voiced Vader, a stormtrooper, and Yoda. Hamill does a lot of charity work, but you always gotta give it up when someone can bring Luke Skywalker and The Joker to life to help put a smile on the face of a sick child.

Turns Out You Can Teach an Old Pooch Cool Dog Tricks, Here’s Where to Start

cool dog tricks, dog with stick in mouth
(Jamie Street/Unsplash)

First, we’ll level with you: Even if our dog were a complete idiot who never listened to a single command or learned a single trick, we’d still love her. Those tip-tappy toenails on the wood. The clumsy whole-butt tail wagging. Even that stinky, stanky hot breath. They’re all lovable and irreplaceable. After all, there’s a reason why emotional support dogs are a mainstay at children’s hospitals and hospice care facilities. All this to say if the only cool dog trick our dog ever learned was how to be excited when we walked in the door, that would be enough.

Having a dog isn’t about the tricks, but they’re certainly fun. What tricks you teach your dog might depend on what you need from them, what your kids will find most entertaining, or simply what sparks your interest. How you teach your dog, however, tends to be the same across the board. The American Kennel Club offers some pretty helpful tips. They recommend first teaching your dog to want praise. Any time your dog does something “right,” impressive, or even sweet, reward her. This is called “positive reinforcement” and it works with toys, treats, or just additional love and praise. For some dogs and for easy tasks, a simple but excited, “Good boy!” is all you need. For more complicated tricks, you might have to pull out the big guns, like those tiny but super pungent treats. They also suggest starting early (even at just eight weeks) and keeping sessions short. A couple of 5 to 10-minute sessions each day will be much more effective than one long, boring training session.

So, what do you want to teach your dog? There are tons of cool tricks here but start with the basic commands: Come, stay, and speak. You’ll have a much easier time getting Fido to jump through that hoop if they know how to come when called. Similarly, it’s less stressful teaching them to jump for a frisbee if you teach them to stay when told and they don’t run off. Need a little help with just the basics? Start here before moving on to more complicated tricks.

1. Train Your Dog to Open the Door

This could be a really cool trick. It will certainly surprise your guests. Just keep in mind that if you train your dog to open doors, they might start opening doors to places you don’t want them to go.

2. Train Your Dog to Close the Door

Opening doors is all well and good. But, how about closing a door behind them? Yep. You can teach that, too.

3. Jumping Through Hoops

Once your dog knows basic commands like “come” or “heel,” it becomes a lot easier to teach them more complicated tricks. Is jumping through a hoop useful? Uh, no. But, it’s certainly impressive and fun.

4. Teach Your Dog to “Get”

“Get” is different from “fetch.” In the dog training world, fetch implies you have an object, you’re tossing it, and your dog is retrieving it. Teaching your dog to “get” something means they’re bringing you an item you request. Since you can teach your dog the names of objects in your home, once they learn to get one or two items, it should be fairly easy to branch out. Start by having them get their leash or your slippers and branch out from there.

5. Train Your Dog to Count

Math can be hard for humans. It turns out, however, that it’s a little easier for Spot.

6. Teach Jump Roping to Your Dog

Wanna make all the other dog owners at the dog park jealous? Teach your pooch how to jump rope! As a bonus, you can refer to playing with your dog as “doing some cardio” and sound very fit.

7. Train Your Dog to Turn Off The Lights

One common command service dogs learn is to turn lights off and on. After all, how often do you find yourself doing just that? Your Doodle may not be a service dog, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be of service when you’re too lazy to get up.

8. Teach Your Dog The Snoot Challenge

Thank God for TikTok or we’d be without this completely useless but cool dog trick.

Ryan Reynolds Is Back in the Trailer for The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard

Ryan Reynolds Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard
(YouTube/Lionsgate)

Ryan Reynolds has been in the news a bunch over the past year, for his hilarious social media hijinks, he and his wife’s repeated efforts to help during the pandemic, and for his work with his liquor brand, Aviation Gin.

Unfortunately, aside from his Netflix action movie 6 Underground, he hasn’t been on screens all that much.

Deadpool 3, which will be the MCU’s first (and only?) R-rated entry is still a ways off, and his involvement in the newly-launched ThunderCats project is nothing but a rumor at this point. Thankfully, though, he does have a new flick coming out soon, and today we finally get to see the trailer.

It’s called The Hitman’s Wife’s Bodyguard. Reynolds stars as, well, the titular hitman’s wife’s bodyguard, and in the movie, he’s tasked with protecting Salma Hayek, who plays hitman Samuel L. Jackson’s wife, who is in danger from Antonio Banderas. The sequel to 2017’s action-comedy The Hitman’s Bodyguard hits theaters on June 16th, and it looks like a lot of fun. At the very least it will be nice to see Reynolds again!

Check out the trailer:

Special Needs Puppy Gets Ghosted by Adopters, Goes Viral, Finds Fur-Ever Home

Jack Ghosted Puppy
(Facebook/PeachesBullyRescue)

After being ghosted by potential adopters, a special needs puppy named Jack has finally found his forever home.

In January the 9-month-old pup with spina bifida had a bath, put on his fancy harness, a fresh diaper, and went with his foster team on a 40-minute drive to meet his new owners. And he was ghosted. All that, and they were a no-call, no-show.

Peaches Bully Rescue in Ohio posted about the puppy’s disappointing day out. They said the foster team put in all that work, drove 40 minutes each way, and puppy Jack was ghosted. The post on Facebook said he was “very sad” and that it was a “huge disappointment.” But, they realized that just wasn’t going to be his family.

“Respect that we are all volunteers just trying to give this guy his best chance. Not showing up or calling is bad form,” they wrote. “Your family will come sweet boy, and when they do, they will be perfect.”

But the post on Facebook did resonate with people. Like, a LOT of people. In fact, it quickly went viral, as plenty of decent people out there felt for the lil guy. And since the post went viral, Jack had HUNDREDS of people lining up to adopt him and give him a home.

Since then, his story has been covered by People Magazine, the Today Show, and The New York Post.

The rescue is processed hundreds of applications and has expressed deep gratitude for the gifts and warm wishes they’ve received. They said the post reached more than 3 million people, and they’ve heard from folks in Australia, the U.K., Germany, Singapore, and more.

“Who knew that our little Jack Jack would be so widely loved,” they posted about the attention. “Thank you all and please support rescue. We are the last chance for many animals in this world.”

Because of his condition, Jack has to wear a diaper, but he is still mobile and still cute as heck.

And now he has a family to take him in fur-ever!

 

Watch Will and Martin Honor “Bad Boys” 26th Anniversary and Tease a 4th Flick

Will Smith Martin Lawrence
(Instagram/willsmith)

“Bad Boys” was a blockbuster for the action-comedy genre, which is a lost art (unless you shoehorn a few select Marvel offerings in there). And it’s definitely developed a cult following over the years, even though it’s only been out a short…26 years. OK, well it feels like less, but you can really feel those years when you see the stars then and now.

And even those it’s been 26 years, Will Smith and Martin Lawrence decided to celebrate the occasion, while renewing their vows to each other as Bad Boys and recreating the original movie poster.

 

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A post shared by Will Smith (@willsmith)

“When we say FOR LIFE we mean it,” Will Smith wrote on Instagram. “Bad Boys came out 26 years ago today!”

Lawrence added “Today marks 26 years and we STILL riding strong! Bad Boys for life!”

So life means life, and the baddest boys are still all about that. Not only that, but we also MAY be getting a fourth (and final) installment of the franchise.

We had a sequel in 2003, and then a long time off before the duo reunited in 2020, but when they were accepting an NAACP Image Award for that latest film is when they tipped their hand about a possible final chapter.

They thanked the fans and said “hopefully, we’re gonna try to get one more…you guys seem to like it, so we’re gonna try to do one more, before we become the sad boys.”

Previously Unpublished Prince Album Drops This Summer

New Prince Album
(YouTube/Prince)

Prince was a legend with no true equal, whether it was as an entertainer or on the court. And even though he’s been gone for five years now, we are about to get some new music from the iconic artist, as his estate is releasing a previously unpublished album from 2010.

The Prince Estate and Legacy Recordings announced earlier this month a forthcoming release of “Welcome 2 America”, recorded by the star in 2010. The press release described it as a “powerful creative statement that documents Prince’s concerns, hopes and visions for a shifting society, presciently foreshadowing an era of political division, disinformation and a renewed fight for racial justice.”

If you can’t wait for the full album, along with the release of a previously recorded full concert, you can hear the title track from “Welcome 2 America” on Spotify and Apple Music. Along with the album, the unreleased concert film (recorded from his 2011 tour of the same name) includes him covering some Bob Dylan and Janet Jackson.

The visionary reportedly had a treasure trove of unrecorded material, a mysterious vault of music intended for the children he never had. His bandmates say Prince’s “Welcome 2 America” is disillusioned funk and ‘perfect for the times’, and will be absorbed in a different way in 2021 than it would have a decade prior.

He never said why the album wasn’t released at the time, but for material that covers commentary on social media, celebrity culture, and the state of the country, it will probably still make a pretty poignant statement about the world he left behind.

The album will drop on July 30th.

Veteran in Hospice Care Has Final Wish Granted, Sees Beloved Dog One Last Time

Dying veteran sees beloved dog one last time
(Facebook/Albuquerque Animal Welfare)

For many, dogs become far more than just pets. Their loyalty, intuition, and unconditional love make them members of the family, ones who stand by our sides during life’s most challenging moments. A veteran named John Vincent was heartbroken when he had to give up his beloved dog Patch after entering hospice care, and even during his final days, he didn’t stop thinking about his best friend.

The 69-year-old had no family nearby, and nobody he knew was willing to take in his 5-year-old companion. When Vincent was moved to the Raymond G. Murphy Veterans Affairs Medical Center, Patch was relinquished to Albuquerque Animal Welfare.

Vincent’s condition was quickly deteriorating, and during a session with his palliative care social worker, Amy Neal, the veteran made a far-fetched last request. His last wish was to see his best friend once more, to say one last goodbye to the loyal terrier. After realizing how meaningful the reunion would be to Vincent, Neal scrambled to make the veteran’s last wish a reality.

“When the request came in, it was an immediate ‘absolutely,’ and let’s do whatever we can to get it done,” Danny Nevarez, Director of Animal Welfare told the Albuquerque Journal. “It was as simple as getting Patch over here.”

As the animal welfare workers drove towards Vincent with Patch quietly in tow, something in the small pup changed.

“It’s almost like he knew, he just started whimpering,” Nevares told the Journal. “Like he had that anticipation.”

The reunion between Vincent and Patch was nothing short of extraordinary, with both man and dog perking up at the sight of one another.

Veteran in hospice says goodbye to beloved dog
(Facebook/Albuquerque Animal Welfare)

“Yeah, that’s me, that’s daddy,” Vincent said to Patch. “Are you so happy to see me? I’m so happy to see you.”

Albuquerque Animal Welfare shared touching photos of the reunion on Facebook, grateful to be part of something so meaningful. Vincent and Patch got to take their time saying a final goodbye, closure that each of them likely needed.

“It was such a heart warming moment,” Albuquerque Animal Welfare wrote on Facebook. “They were so happy to see each other and to say their good byes. It was an honor to make this veterans final wish come true.

Adidas and South Park Collab For the Perfect 4/20 Shoes

Adidas South Park Towelie Shoe
(Instagram/JustJuice)

It isn’t 1992 anymore and the easiest way to tell (besides, well, a calendar) is how culture’s attitude towards cannabis has shifted. State governments are decriminalizing or outright legalizing marijuana use, the medicinal benefits of cannabis are being embraced (by some), and brands and personalities are a lot more open about weed. And that’s why you can celebrate 4/20 with the highest shoes we’ve seen.

There have been some pretty awesome shoe collaborations, but if you’re looking for a partner for 4/20, good luck beating out Adidas teaming up with one of the greatest comedies of all time and releasing a South Park-themed pair of Campus 80s.

South Park creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone worked with the shoe company to make the perfect 4/20 shoes by leaning on everyone’s favorite cartoon-user, Towelie. The Towelie shoes have eye illustrations on the tongue, which can turn pink and bloodshot when exposed to sunlight. The shoes also have a stash pocket beneath the tongue, for whatever you may need to put in a tiny pocket. You know, right where it says “I have no idea what’s going on.”

 

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A post shared by Juice Rodriguez 🇩🇴 (@justjuice)

There’s more Adidas and South Park branding inside the shoe, but from a distance, it’s the blue terry cloth and trademark eyes that will help other fans quickly identify how high your shoes truly are.

South Park knows its demo, which has been a trademark of their success for a long time, and these shoes, available on (well, you know what day they’re available) are another testament to its creator’s ability to make jokes come to life.