It feels like the holidays happened a lifetime ago until I look at my bank account and realize I’m still feeling the aftershocks of purchasing exorbitantly priced chunks of plastic branded with characters I hate, many of which I’ve hurt myself stepping on by now. Sure, Christmas morning was magic, but there’s nothing magic about hearing me scream, “I’LL THROW THIS SHIT IN THE GARBAGE IF IT’S STILL ON THE FLOOR WHEN I GET BACK.” Maybe next time, instead of throwing away a bunch of money on obnoxious trash, I’ll try the knockoff of whatever piece of crap was advertised to them the most on YouTube. Maybe, just maybe, the knockoff is just as good. Maybe…

Harry Potter, Obama, and Sonic the Hedgehog are the new Three Musketeers. Screw my kids, I need this. Goodbye briefcase, hello timeless style.

From the creators of Toy Jam 1 and Boy Story 2, we present Space Boys 3 featuring Oaky the space cowboy who for some reason has giant hands.

When they decided to rip off Guess Who, suggested names included “Gary, Is That You,” “Guess Whom,” and “Who The Fuck Is That?”

Your favorite hero besides Batman is here to save the world, one bowl of hot liquid food at a time!

Bust my buffers, these engines are about to cause confusion and delay. Those dirty diesels better watch their cabooses.

Who doesn’t love sharing the sci-fi fantasy capable of uniting generations with their kids? Surely Star Wars falls under the umbrella of the larger Universal War, featuring beloved characters like some alien guys, bad weather trooper, dark invader, and I guess the Tin Man?

Listen, kids. Daddy isn’t angry at you, he is just ill-tempered about waking up at 5 A.M. to the sound of cereal being poured all over the kitchen floor.

Everyone remembers Shrek’s famous line to Donkey, “You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

While you and your friend argued over who would be Mario and who would be Luigi, some smart kid with cash to spare enjoyed taking on the role of forgotten Japanese/Italian cousin Super Mariano.

Classic God Jesus coming through with flowers. I’m not sure what this knocks off. I guess God and/or Jesus, but I feel strongly it’s a better value than any other version on the market.

New Style Mutant Ninja Tortoise,

New Style Mutant Ninja Tortoise,

Tortoise in a half-price shell!

Tortoise power!

Ah yes, Bear of the Interest. From the 100-Acre Outdoor Space, with friends like Boy of the Interest, Pig of the Interest, and little Roo of the Interest.

This isn’t Jesus, it’s Manny! Do NOT confuse these very popular action figures!

If you feel like Barbie is problematic, Benign Girl has good news for you and your daughter. Give her a call on this phone.

The game for when Sorry just isn’t cutting it. My family likes to follow it with a game of Please, Sharon, You Know I Didn’t Mean It and wrap the evening up with Fine, I’ll Sleep On The Couch.

Well, I can’t say the knockoffs knocked my socks off. Imagine how detached from reality you’d have to be to give your kids Souperman action figures believing it’s truly the thought that counts. I guess deep down, the material possessions aren’t meaningful, but my willingness to bend to their will is. For now I’ll be sticking to my kids’ Amazon wish list but good luck to any of you brave enough to venture into the realm of the generic. Let me know how it goes.

There are few things are less exciting for a 12-year-old than a family reunion. You’re surrounded by your parent’s cousins and other estranged family members you barely know for an entire afternoon. Boorrrrrrrinnnnnnnnng. So you can’t blame Jackson Hepner, who was “taking a break” from pictures at his family reunion in Ohio, for wandering alongside a creek. And he found more than a brief respite from familial chaos — sticking out of the creek bed, Jackson found a woolly mammoth tooth.

It’s not like he a found a “woolly mammoth tooth”, which is just some random rock that a liar of an uncle pretends is legit. He found the real thing, as he had the discovery verified by multiple different university professors who all concluded it appears to be the upper third of a Woolly Mammoth molar.

Granted, when you’re told you’ll be going to a family reunion in Ohio’s Amish Country, you expect you might encounter some ancient history. However, you probably aren’t expecting to find a fossil from a creature that died 10,000 years ago.

Jackson, to his credit, said he wants to get his Woolly Mammoth tooth “back in my hands as soon as possible,” so he can show it to his friends.

What’s up with kids finding prehistoric teeth lately? Just a few weeks ago a boy found a megalodon shark tooth on the beach.

Should we be worried?!

“My wife and I have been married for 4 years and the day we celebrated our 4 year anniversary, we welcomed our 2nd son, Jack into our lives.

Our first son, Emmett, had just broken his femur four days before Jack was to be born, so needless to say, we were pretty stinkin’ scared and knew we were about to have our hands full.

Being a dad means that I get to serve my family and go to bed every night more tired than I ever have been and more full of joy. That I get to show my sons that their momma is the most important person in the world to me and that they should live to enjoy God and glorify him forever.

These next 2 months will probably be our hardest yet, but I sure looking forward to watching these two dudes grow up to be best bros.”

– Tony Weaver

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Check out the previous editions of Father Figures here.

Senior photos often allow students to show off a bit of their personality, but instead of going the traditional route with a band instrument or sports jersey, one Nebraska teenager is using her photoshoot as an opportunity to honor her late father.

Aurora High School senior Julia Yllescas’s father died in 2008 due to injuries sustained from an IED during a combat tour in Afghanistan, and as his daughter’s senior photos approached, she found herself wishing her dad could be included.

So, Julia collaborated with her photographer to create something they’re calling “angel pictures,” and the results are truly something special.

“Why it has hit my heart so hard is that I almost felt when I saw those pictures that he truly was there,” said Yllescas.

The photos she received feature her interacting with a faint shadow of her father in uniform.

Army Captain Robert Yllescas was flown to the National Naval Medical Center in Bethesda, Maryland after sustaining injuries overseas, but succumbed to those injuries a month later. He’s now buried in Osceola, Nebraska.

“I was teary-eyed when I was editing them,” said photographer, Susanne Beckmann of Snapshots by Suz. “All I could think in my head is I don’t ever want to have to do this for my own kids,”

Beckmann herself is an active-duty military wife, so the thought of giving someone a gift like this was a true honor. She was eager to provide an exceptional product that Yllescas will be able to cherish forever.

“Just to have that on my wall and be like, no, he is with me, even though I can’t physically see him,” said Yllescas.

For a few months now, we’ve known that a new Breaking Bad movie was coming. We’ve discussed the details, sparse as they are, a few times. There was confusion over who would be in the movie, when it would take place, and what it was about.

We learned it was going to follow Aaron Paul’s Jesse, Walt’s meth-making partner, and protege, as he makes his way in the world after the events of the series. The official logline stated that the movie “will follow the escape of a kidnapped man and his quest for freedom.” We eventually learned that a lot of familiar faces from the show would be turning up, including several who didn’t survive, Jesse’s girlfriend played by Krysten Ritter, even Mike, who currently features on Better Call Saul.

Then, a little while ago, at the exact same time, original stars Cranston and Paul tweeted out images of a pair of donkeys and the word “Soon,” leading fans to speculate that Cranston was indeed in the movie and that it would be out soon.

Soon pic.twitter.com/BN93cV0Swi

— Bryan Cranston (@BryanCranston) June 25, 2019

Now, Bob Odenkirk, aka the show’s sketchy lawyer Saul Goodman and the lead of the acclaimed spin-off, “Better Call Saul,” seemed to indicated that the movie, which is set to air on Netflix and AMC next year, is in the can.

“I don’t know what people know and don’t know. I find it hard to believe you don’t know it was shot. They did it. You know what I mean? How is that a secret? But it is. They’ve done an amazing job of keeping it a secret,” he told The Hollywood Reporter while discussing the forthcoming season of his show.

The actor also expressed his own enthusiasm for the movie.

“I’ve heard so many different things about it, but I am excited about the Breaking Bad movie. I can’t wait to see it.”

We all do! We know almost nothing, which is nearly unheard of in this age of social media. I for one am glad to go into the movie unspoiled, so here’s hoping the project stays as hidden as Gus’s meth lab under the laundromat.

Yesterday’s news that Spider-Man was leaving the MCU due to a breakdown in negotiations between Disney (which owns Marvel Studio) and Sony (which owns the Spider-man character) reverberated across Hollywood and fandom.

All sorts of people had opinions, from movie fans who don’t want to see yet another take on the Spider-Man origin story (Leave Uncle Ben alone!) to celebrities like Ryan Reynolds, aka Deadpool, and Jeremy Renner, aka Hawkeye, who have their own reasons for weighing in.

Well, someone new just chirped up, and she has an even bigger connection to Peter Parker. Her dad created him.

JC Lee, Stan Lee’s daughter, gave an interview with TMZ – something she has done in the past – in which she threw some shade at Marvel Studios, and presumably its head, Kevin Fiege, for only caring about profits and not the character.

“Marvel and Disney seeking total control of my father’s creations must be checked and balanced by others who, while still seeking to profit, have genuine respect for Stan Lee and his legacy,” Lee said.

Which seems odd to me, especially since almost everyone agrees that the MCU’s Spider-Man, as inhabited by Tom Holland, is the best, most comic-accurate – certainly the most age-accurate – cinematic take on the character yet. And I don’t know how you can walk out of Endgame and feel like Marvel Studios doesn’t respect the characters. That movie is dripping with reverence for the Avengers and their entire comic book universe.

JC has personal reasons for siding with Sony that go beyond the treatment of the character. They’re about how Disney and Marvel treated her father.

“When my father died, no one from Marvel or Disney reached out to me. From day one, they have commoditized my father’s work and never shown him or his legacy any respect or decency,” Lee told TMZ, before saying, “In the end, no one could have treated my father worse than Marvel and Disney’s executives.”

Obviously, there are some hard feelings there, and far be it from us to tell JC she’s wrong to want to protect her father’s creation and legacy from people she feels treated him poorly. We just hope this situation can get resolved in a way that keeps the best possible version of Spidey on our screens.

TV dude has struck the Virginia area, again, which is a sentence that makes absolutely no sense but hey, it’s 2019, and this is actually a news story. Surveillance videos from doorbell cameras show a man wearing a TV on his head who calmy drops off old television sets on porches.

“TV dude,” as he was dubbed by Inside Edition, has struck more than 60 houses this summer.

The police think more than one person is involved and say something similar happened in a nearby neighborhood last year. They’re only remotely interested in the case, possibly because no crime is being committed.

No one is quite sure what TV dude is up to. Some assumed nefarious intent, opening the TVs to ensure nothing dangerous was inside. Others see him as a hero and are enjoying their new-to-them TV. Most people are just…confused.

“He’s committed to his trade. He wants to be known as the TV Santa Claus. I don’t know,” said one man, who found an old CRT TV on his doorstep, “I can’t think of any technology or political point that would be valid here. It’s just a senseless prank,” he told WTVR-TV.

Maybe. Or maybe not! Maybe there’s more to this story. The world may never know until TV dude reveals himself, or is apprehended.

SYRACUSE, NY – In what many neighborhood residents described as an utterly surreal sight, 9-year-old Mikey Davis was seen delivering newspapers door to door earlier this morning, suggesting he must be a time traveler from the 1980s since it’s not like anyone reads the paper anymore.

“I thought time traveling was just something you see in movies, but I saw that kid with my own two eyes,” claimed local dad Tyler Meadows, who noted that digital media has all but killed the print market, and that there’s no way a Gen Z child would consider newspaper delivery a financially viable summer job.

As residents of the cul-de-sac watched curiously from their windows, one man emerged from his home and asked the boy what year it was only to be met with a confused stare that offered no answers, which makes sense since a kid from any decade would have the same look on their face if asked such a dumb question.

“If he were delivering iPads or Kindles door to door then I would understand. But newspapers? This kid is either a time traveler or from another planet,” stated Tyler, who told his family to close the blinds and hide just in case this was the first sign of an alien invasion.

While many townsfolk were initially fascinated with Mikey’s presence, their attention quickly turned to a man who was seen delivering milk to a nearby house. Many residents became convinced that the man was a time traveler from the 1950s, though in reality he just worked for Amazon.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

It only takes a minute to be kind.

It’s a simple enough idea, but all too often, kindness takes a back seat to our busy schedules and hectic lives. So when a Pennsylvania woman recently witnessed one such act, she knew she had to share it with others.

Lisa Meilander was out to eat with her family at Eat’n Park restaurant in Belle Vernon, PA, when she noticed their server speaking to an elderly gentleman at a booth located nearby. Due to their proximity, Lisa and her family could hear the conversation taking place. The man told their server he was 91-years-old and had trouble hearing. Their server, Dylan, kneeled down to get closer, giving the solo diner his complete attention. After chatting for several minutes, the man apologized for talking so long. “I’m alone now,” he said, “and I don’t often have someone to talk to.” Dylan smiled and said he enjoyed listening.

After a few more minutes of conversation, Dylan helped the man decide what to order and returned to the kitchen. Inspired by the gesture, Lisa wanted to pay for the elderly man’s meal, however by the time Dylan returned l, he told Lisa that “Someone’s already taken care of it.” Lisa sharing in a Facebook post “I guess we weren’t the only ones eavesdropping on the conversation.”

Shortly after, Dylan returned with the food, telling the man he was now on break and asking if he could join him while he ate. The elderly diner happily accepted the company, and the two continued their conversation. Patrons around the restaurant had taken notice and were all smiles as they enjoyed their meals.

Lisa took a photo and shared her story, adding that even as they left the restaurant, the two were still seated and enjoying one another’s company.

“With all of the negative stories about our youth today this was a breath of fresh air.”

Dylan’s small gesture has now been shared over 67,000 times and Lisa’s post now has hundreds of thousands of positive reactions. While he likely made the elderly man’s evening, Dylan’s act has now touched so many more lives. It’s proof that kindness is contagious, and that sharing a few moments of your time is all it takes to make a difference in someone else’s life.