Knock Off Toys That Should Honestly Knock It Off

It feels like the holidays happened a lifetime ago until I look at my bank account and realize I’m still feeling the aftershocks of purchasing exorbitantly priced chunks of plastic branded with characters I hate, many of which I’ve hurt myself stepping on by now. Sure, Christmas morning was magic, but there’s nothing magic about hearing me scream, “I’LL THROW THIS SHIT IN THE GARBAGE IF IT’S STILL ON THE FLOOR WHEN I GET BACK.” Maybe next time, instead of throwing away a bunch of money on obnoxious trash, I’ll try the knockoff of whatever piece of crap was advertised to them the most on YouTube. Maybe, just maybe, the knockoff is just as good. Maybe…

Harry Potter, Obama, and Sonic the Hedgehog are the new Three Musketeers. Screw my kids, I need this. Goodbye briefcase, hello timeless style.

From the creators of Toy Jam 1 and Boy Story 2, we present Space Boys 3 featuring Oaky the space cowboy who for some reason has giant hands.

When they decided to rip off Guess Who, suggested names included “Gary, Is That You,” “Guess Whom,” and “Who The Fuck Is That?”

Your favorite hero besides Batman is here to save the world, one bowl of hot liquid food at a time!

Bust my buffers, these engines are about to cause confusion and delay. Those dirty diesels better watch their cabooses.

Who doesn’t love sharing the sci-fi fantasy capable of uniting generations with their kids? Surely Star Wars falls under the umbrella of the larger Universal War, featuring beloved characters like some alien guys, bad weather trooper, dark invader, and I guess the Tin Man?

Listen, kids. Daddy isn’t angry at you, he is just ill-tempered about waking up at 5 A.M. to the sound of cereal being poured all over the kitchen floor.

Everyone remembers Shrek’s famous line to Donkey, “You won’t like me when I’m angry.”

While you and your friend argued over who would be Mario and who would be Luigi, some smart kid with cash to spare enjoyed taking on the role of forgotten Japanese/Italian cousin Super Mariano.

Classic God Jesus coming through with flowers. I’m not sure what this knocks off. I guess God and/or Jesus, but I feel strongly it’s a better value than any other version on the market.

New Style Mutant Ninja Tortoise,

Tortoise in a half-price shell!

Tortoise power!

Ah yes, Bear of the Interest. From the 100-Acre Outdoor Space, with friends like Boy of the Interest, Pig of the Interest, and little Roo of the Interest.

This isn’t Jesus, it’s Manny! Do NOT confuse these very popular action figures!

If you feel like Barbie is problematic, Benign Girl has good news for you and your daughter. Give her a call on this phone.

The game for when Sorry just isn’t cutting it. My family likes to follow it with a game of Please, Sharon, You Know I Didn’t Mean It and wrap the evening up with Fine, I’ll Sleep On The Couch.

Well, I can’t say the knockoffs knocked my socks off. Imagine how detached from reality you’d have to be to give your kids Souperman action figures believing it’s truly the thought that counts. I guess deep down, the material possessions aren’t meaningful, but my willingness to bend to their will is. For now I’ll be sticking to my kids’ Amazon wish list but good luck to any of you brave enough to venture into the realm of the generic. Let me know how it goes.

Crap Alert

By The Dad

8 hours ago

“I farted…and a bit came out.”

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Son Surprises Ailing Dad With Tickets To College World Series

By Mike Julianelle

2 days ago

Father’s Day is a special time to celebrate your old man, and show him how much you appreciate the role he’s played in your life all these years. Especially since, as we get older, our dads do too, and they may not have many Father’s Days left.

Matt Lea recognized that this Father’s Day, and so went out of his way to make it a memorable one, for both him and his father, both former college baseball players who bonded over the game as Matt was growing up.

Matt’s father Billy suffers from Alzheimer’s Disease, and the symptoms have been accruing rapidly. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t time for more memories, and Matt used the latest Father’s Day as an opportunity to do just that. The 36-year-old drove 12 hours, from Florida to Mississippi, and surprised his parents at their doorstep on Sunday.

He was bearing gifts as well, bringing his dad the jersey of his favorite baseball team, Mississippi State. But that wasn’t all. Matt brought tickets too, to see the College World Series in Omaha in person.

In video of the exchange that Matt posted on Twitter, his dad was clearly taken by surprise.

Surprised my dad today to tell him I’m taking him to Omaha to watch @HailStateBB play. His Alzheimer’s is setting in fast but I know he’s going to have a blast this weekend. Hail State!!! pic.twitter.com/NTtAxcxxIj

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

“I figured it’s probably not good enough just for us to watch the game here,” Matt says in the video as he produces the tickets. “How about we go to Omaha? Do you want to go up to Omaha and watch the College World Series together?”

“Golly,” an emotional Billy responds. “You’re gonna break my heart, here.”

Matt’s gift for his dad received a rapturous response from Twitter, where it’s been liked 46,000 times and retweeted 11,000 times.

Thanks everyone. I live 12 hours away in Florida now so it took him completely by surprise when I showed up. We can’t wait to get up there. Hate we’ll only be there for opening weekend but it’s going to be a great final trip for us.

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 14, 2018

Matt seemed as surprised by the response as his dad was by the gift, as everyone who celebrated Father’s Day yesterday knows, there’s nothing better than sharing meaningful memories with your dad, which is exactly what Matt did. An article on Omaha.com details Billy’s baseball past, the initial diagnosis of his Alzheimer’s, the VIP experience Matt treated him too over the weekend.

Matt’s Twitter account showcased the rest.

Thanks to everyone that made today something we’ll treasure forever. We have a couple things to do tomorrow before have to head home. @HailStateBB keep grinding and believe. You’re a team of destiny. pic.twitter.com/GamW2sEJ9i

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Thank you @HailStateBB for everything. You’ve given us an incredible time together. Thank you to all that have offered room/tickets for the rest of the games. Dad needs to get home back into his routine and familiar surroundings. Now go get a championship!!!!! pic.twitter.com/5Y0NNORIoo

— Matt Lea (@tigr2ndbase) June 17, 2018

Happy Father’s Day!

Amazing Street Artist Uses Everyday Objects As His Canvas

By Jordan Stratton

2 days ago

Artist Tom Bob doesn’t see the world like other people. Where you and I might see sewer grates or metal pipes, he sees ghosts and saxophone players.

Check out some of the amazing ways he’s transforming parts of New York City into works of art.

Check out more of Tom Bob and his unique artwork here.

Dad’s Press Conference: Post Father’s Day Wrap Up

By The Dad

2 days ago

…Quantity does not equal quality.

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Father Figures: Heroes

By Mike Julianelle

2 days ago

“On February 2, 2011, my daughter was born. The whole thing started pretty normally about 2:30 am or so, my wife woke me up and said, ‘Honey, it is time to go,’ so we went to the hospital in a snowstorm.

That was the easy part.

When they put the belly monitor on her they noticed that the babies heart rate would drop to low whenever my wife would have a contraction. She needed emergency C-section, but the doctor could not make it due to the storm, and when he finally arrived it was rush rush rush!

Well when my daughter Emily did arrive, she had internal bleeding throughout her body, which included two grade 4 brain bleeds. We could not touch her because she would bruise and start bleeding.

They had to life-flight her to the university, where she spent 5 1/2 weeks in the NICU, which left her (you may want to sit down) deaf/blind, with hydrocephalus, a shunt, cerebral palsy, and seizures (at age 6, she needed a baclofen pump because her CP got too bad to handle without it). She is doing great today. She is happy, loves life, and everyone who meets her says that she makes their day and she is beautiful.

To pay back our little community, I became a first responder, mostly a firefighter, but I did help with EMS. Never got my certification, but that is where I found out that in the U.S. we do not have any training for first responders to deal with children with special needs.

I have made it my personal mission to teach first responders about kids with special needs.

I have taken to Emily to every EMS/Fire station in the five counties around me. I have taken her to the police and sheriff’s departments to train them, and now I have a waiting list to get trained.

I don’t know if I am the hero here, but I needed to tell the story.”

– Mike Kuyper

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email fatherfigures@thedad.com

Low Cost Cosplay Guy Makes The World A Better Place

By Jordan Stratton

3 days ago

Anucha “Cha” Saengchart, the genius behind “Low Cost Cosplay,” has amassed millions of followers with his incredible reimaginings of famous fictional characters.

Whether you’re planning on portraying your favorite anime character or a Marvel superhero, this guy can show you how to do it effectively and on a string budget.

Can’t get enough? Check out more creative cosplay on his Facebook page.

Dad Turns Photos Of Daughter Into Kickass Album Covers

By Jordan Stratton

When graphic designer Ryan Foster spotted a somber, black and white photo of his daughter, Harper Lou, it instantly reminded him of a blues album cover. He couldn’t help but throw some graphics onto the image to create her first “album” cover himself.

This has led to a series of album covers featuring Harper Lou, many of which look pretty damn legit. She may not be making actual records yet, but her dad will definitely be ready when she does.

You can find more awesome album covers as well as other design projects by Ryan on his Instagram.

Father Figures: Bill Stumpf

By The Dad

Our first episode of Father Figures, a show highlighting what it means to be a dad. First up, we celebrate Bill Stumpf. Happy Father’s Day, everyone.

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The 5 Hottest Father’s Day Tech Gifts Your Dad Will Ask To See The Receipt For

By The Dad

Mother’s Day is in the rearview and our annual celebration of everything Dad is fast approaching. Sure, he loved those grilling tongs and Three Stooges boxsets you got him last year. But if there’s one things all dads love, it’s being assured that they’ve genetically passed on their cheapness. Here are 5 Father’s Day gadgets your dad is definitely going to demand the receipt for.

1. A smart speaker

Image result for amazon alexa — Source: Amazon

These have become relatively expensive in recent years. This, of course, isn’t going to stop your dad from assuming it set you back several thousand dollars. Your dad just figured out how to make a Facebook profile. He’s gonna need a minute on talking AI servants.

2. A streaming stick

Image result for roku stick — Source: Roku

“So yeah, you just plug this Roku stick into the TV and you can pretty much watch anything you want.” That’s you. That’s you telling your dad you just spent a boatload of money on a piece of technology. “Instant access to every movie ever made” is your dad’s cue to ask you to retrieve the Best Buy receipt crammed in the console’s cupholder.

3. A dashcam

Image result for dashcam — Source: Amazon

These are great to have in the event of an accident. Unfortunately, your dad is still under the impression it’s 1999 and all digital cameras cost ten million dollars. Be sure to keep this receipt in your wallet, because this thing’s going right back to the store if it ran you how much he thinks it ran you.

4. An e-reader

Image result for e reader — Source: Amazon

What a lovely thought. Your dad, sitting up in bed, every book he could possibly want at his fingertips. What will he read first? A book about World War II? The biography of Henry Ford? The answer is, of course, the receipt for this fancy reading tablet that probably set you back three mortgage payments.

5. A yearly-subscription to a music streaming service

Image result for spotify — Source: Spotify

You just want him to be able to listen to the Doobie Brothers whenever he wants. But by his math, if buying a single song on iTunes costs $1, and Spotifly, as he calls it, gives you access to over four million songs, you’ve essentially just bankrupted your family. Good job. Be sure to keep that receipt handy to prove to him that he can still see his grandkids attend college one day.

Knock Off Toys That Should Honestly Knock It Off

Crap Alert

Son Surprises Ailing Dad With Tickets To College World Series

I woke up the entire neighborhood trying to sneak a midnight slice of cake.

Amazing Street Artist Uses Everyday Objects As His Canvas

Dad’s Press Conference: Post Father’s Day Wrap Up

Father Figures: Heroes

I’m gon’ make her lose her mind…

Low Cost Cosplay Guy Makes The World A Better Place

Dad Turns Photos Of Daughter Into Kickass Album Covers

Father Figures: Bill Stumpf

The 5 Hottest Father’s Day Tech Gifts Your Dad Will Ask To See The Receipt For

1. A smart speaker

2. A streaming stick

3. A dashcam

4. An e-reader

5. A yearly-subscription to a music streaming service

1. A smart speaker

2. A streaming stick

3. A dashcam

4. An e-reader

5. A yearly-subscription to a music streaming service

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