12 Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week 11/13/20

12 Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week 11/13/20
(Twitter/aotakeo Getty/pixelfit)

Another week, another assortment of brilliant content from the parents of Twitter. We will be forever grateful for the endless stream of hilarious stories, jokes, and glimpses into the lives of parents who share it all – there’s something pretty incredible about the sense of camaraderie that comes with it. Thank you Twitter parents, who brought us 12 of the funniest parenting tweets this week.

Probably in a few tomorrows

[Handing him a stack of bills] Awesome

That’s what Mavid WANTS you to think

Some things never change

Sounds romantic [over the screams of fighting kids] I SAID IT SOUNDS ROMANTIC

Totally worth the 8 hour drive

Hopefully she gives you a discount

12% is digging Goldfish crackers out of the car seat

More like Noodle Meets

But why?

I can’t explain it, but she’s not wrong

A proud day

Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?

Tyler Perry Feeds 5,000 Families at Drive-Thru Thanksgiving Food Giveaway

Tyler Perry Thanksgiving Giveaway
(Getty/Albert L. Ortega Twitter/emilieIkedaFOX5)

When it comes to famous people, 2020 has shown us who the true GOATS are, the ones who help people in their greatest hour of need and go above and beyond in delivering that help. And it’s also shown us the ones who are astonishingly silent during this time or paying only lip-service when it comes to making a difference. You probably don’t need a reminder, but Tyler Perry is indisputably in that first group. That’s why he was recently crowned the people’s champ.

Perry has always had a philanthropic heart, giving to the people and charities that make a difference. But he’s kicked it up a gear during COVID times. He bought groceries for thousands of seniors during the height of pandemic paranoia, he went above and beyond to get his studio open safely so he could get people back to work, worked with local law enforcement to get gift cards to families in need, gave away $20,000+ in tips at his favorite restaurant, and is just an all-around good guy. Now, he’s helping feed people on Thanksgiving.

His studio announced the news of a giveaway of non-perishable food items and gift cards to the first 5,000 families who came by. The poster for the Thanksgiving giveaway said they wished they ‘could feed everyone’, but wanted to do what they could during a time when so many are food-insecure.

In a sign of how much it’s needed, cars started lining up THE DAY BEFORE the giveaway, like they were selling Playstation 5s. The long line even caused traffic problems.

Perry has given back during the holidays before, most notably a couple years back when he paid off $500,000 of layaway balances at Walmart for families. And this Thanksgiving give-away is another that will not soon be forgotten.

This should be the new barometer for charity work. If you’re causing traffic, it tells you what you’re doing is substantial, and it also tells you there are a lot of people in need, and hopefully his generosity inspires others to give back however they can during the holiday season.

Dad “Really Sad” That Vegan Relatives Can’t Attend Thanksgiving Amid Covid

Dad Sad on Thanksgiving
(Getty/PeopleImages)

CHESAPEAKE, VA – The COVID-19 pandemic has forced families to alter their Thanksgiving plans this year, meaning 36-year-old Greg Jeffries won’t be able to host a big family gathering like normal, which in turn has left him “utterly distraught” over the fact that his vegan relatives won’t be attending.

“I’m heartbroken, absolutely heartbroken,” said Greg while stuffing the tofurkey he bought last week straight into the trash, which he would have been forced to make for his sister-in-law and her husband before they ultimately canceled their travel plans.

While Greg also claimed to be sad that his meat-eating family members wouldn’t be coming to dinner this year, he made a point to stress that he was extra “inconsolable” and “unsure if he would ever find happiness again” over the fact that his vegan relatives wouldn’t be showing up and bringing vegan side dishes that took up valuable table space.

“Tears of joy? No, I’m really sad,” said Greg, who had tears running down his face when he pulled the delicious, meaty turkey out of the oven that he and his wife would be sharing without any concern for the dietary restrictions of others.

As Greg and his wife sat down to enjoy a smaller than usual Thanksgiving together, he realized that by this time next year the entire family would be able to gather safely again, vegans included. It was this realization that made him truly sad for the first time all day.

Despite being completely plausible to parents, THIS JUST IN is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

Former NFL Star Gives Away 200 Thanksgiving Turkeys

Marshawn Lynch handing out turkeys
(Twitter/RobDeMelloKHON)

Once a famous athlete retires, the sports world is quick to forget them. If they suddenly pop back up in the news, it’s not usually a good sign, but Marshawn Lynch is a clear exception to this. The former All-Pro running back who led the Seattle Seahawks to a pair of Super Bowls made news this week for his charitable side, as Beast Mode handed out 200 free turkeys to families in Hawaii (where he lives).

Big charitable efforts from celebrities are usually PR stunts, tied into a vague sounding foundation without a clear impact on helping people (this isn’t to dog all charities, some obviously do major good). Then there’s the other side of it, where people give directly to those in need. Like Josh Gad giving money to laid-off Disney workers, or Tyler Perry buying groceries for senior citizens.

Beast Mode falls into that category, as he not only helped buy turkeys for 200 fams, he donned the PPE and handed them out himself.

Officially, he partnered with Young’s Fish Market and his foundation, Fam1stFamily, to pull off the Thanksgiving giveaway. Former star football player at Hawaii, Chad Owens, also helped pass out the turkeys, and said they were “blessed” to have Marshawn out there donating turkeys and that he was there ‘to help and support Marshawn in his wanting to give this Thanksgiving season.”

Lynch has always been a big force of giving back to the community, as he’s participated in numerous food drives, built a school in Haiti, bought a soul food restaurant so it wouldn’t have to close and much more. And he also does stuff like this, which will make a big difference for a few hundred families on Thanksgiving. In the spring, he drove around on a golf cart handing out face masks to people to help stay safe during the pandemic.

Lynch was a terror on the field (hence the Beast Mode nickname), and though he was never a big interview off the field, his actions speak much louder to his character than any words could’ve.

 

Florida Man Becomes a Hero After Prying His Puppy From the Jaws of an Alligator

Florida man saves puppy from alligator
(YouTube/Inside Edition)

Buckle up folks, Florida Man is back. This isn’t your typical Florida Man story though – this time, FloridaMan is the superhero we desperately needed. While out walking near his backyard pond as he’s done countless times in the past, 74-year-old Richard Wilbanks had an encounter he won’t soon forget. Wilbanks took his 3-month-old puppy out for a walk, and unfortunately, a hungry alligator was quietly lurking under the pond’s surface.

Typically, when we see videos of alligators, it’s their powerful jaws and mammoth size that makes our blood run cold. Our only saving grace (or so we thought) is that their legs, though clawed and terrifying, are disproportionately small. They don’t seem like they’d be the most coordinated of creatures, let alone the fastest. But as Wilbanks, unfortunately, found out, a nearby snack is enough motivation for these short-legged predators to kick it up a notch.

“We were just out walking by the pond,” Wilbanks told CNN, “and it came out of the water like a missile. I never thought an alligator could be that fast. It was so quick.”

Before Wilbanks’s brain could catch up with his adrenaline-fueled body, the Florida retiree was in the pond with beloved puppy, his hands wrapped around the jaws of the alligator. He managed to keep the young alligator still as he poured all of his effort into prying open its powerful jaws.

After a Herculean struggle that was caught on nearby security cameras, our hero freed his helpless pup from the nearly 4-foot-long alligator’s grip. As if the remarkable save wasn’t impressive enough, this absolutely beast of a man held his cigar in his mouth throughout the entire encounter (which is honestly the most Florida Man thing we can imagine).

Wilbanks’s hands were cut badly from the alligator’s teeth, but after a trip to the doctor and a tetanus shot, he’s healing well. As for his puppy Gunner, incredibly, the dog was less injured than he was. With a single puncture wound on his abdomen, a trip to the vet was all he needed before returning home for some much-needed rest.

As for the alligator, well, he didn’t get his meal. But because of a partnership between the Florida Wildlife Federation and fSTOP, an organization geared towards conservation education through photography, residents of the area value living alongside native wildlife.

Wilbanks told CNN, “They’re part of nature and part of our lives.”

He explained that he didn’t want the alligator removed or hurt in any way, but he will be taking precautions by walking farther from the pond in the future.

“Our pets, they’re just like family to us,” Wilbanks said.

You hear that, alligators? Dogs are friends, not food.

Dog Climbs Into Dryer To Get Warm

Dad’s Next-Level Responses To “Is the Baby Ok?” Are Both Brilliant and Hilarious

Dad Answers "is the baby ok?" in a hilarious way
(Instagram/onadventurewithdad)

Becoming a parent can make even the most rational people develop a laundry list of irrational fears. This helpless human is entirely your responsibility, making even the most mundane decisions inexplicably stressful. Sometimes this new-parent paranoia (parent-noia?) happens in both parents, but when one parent manages to keep their cool, occasionally, hilarity ensues.

Kenny Deuss from Antwerp, Belgium is the father of nearly 2-year-old Alix. When Alix was younger, Kenny’s girlfriend had just a touch of parent-noia – as a new dad, Kenny took on the all-important dad responsibility of providing levity (at somewhat inopportune times).

Any time Kenny and Alix were hanging out alone, Kenny’s girlfriend would frequently check-in. “Is the baby ok?” became a question Kenny heard all too many times, so he decided to provide some unorthodox answers. Rather than a simple “yeah” or “everything’s fine,” Kenny sent his girlfriend photoshopped images demonstrating quite the opposite.

This talented dad sent his girlfriend pictures of Alix photoshopped into all sorts of questionable situations, I assume, to prove that he had things so under control that he had time to do some top-tier editing.

Soon, any time Kenny’s girlfriend asked, “Is the baby ok?” she was met with this,

Or this

Or even this.

Kenny began posting his photos on Instagram, and unsurprisingly, he’s accumulated nearly 50,000 followers after posting just 46 hilarious photos. Kenny’s pictures are brilliant, of course, but they also speak to the part of our brains that takes us on a tour of “The Worst Things That Could Possibly Happen” any time we get a bit nervous.

Seeing the absurdity of some of our fears laid out reminds us to stay grounded in reality. And, of course, it reminds us that it’s ok to take a break every once in a while – after all, we aren’t parenting alone. Yes, you too single parents. It really does take a village to raise a kid, and nobody expects you to do everything. Even when someone else is watching them, as Kenny kindly demonstrates (sort of), the baby will be just fine.

Netflix Pulls ‘Chappelle’s Show’ at Dave’s Request

Chappelle Nixes Netflix Stream
(Instagram/davechappelle)

Say what you want about Dave Chappelle, he’s never been afraid of standing up for himself, or for what he believes in.

The comedian’s courage and fearlessness in speaking truth to power has been on display in his standup and television series for decades. The most famous example of his willingness to put his money where his mouth coming when he skipped out on Chappelle’s Show when things got to be too much for him.

It seems he’s not done dealing with the ramifications of that decision, nor is he done speaking out about it.

Recently, the comedian’s pioneering sketch show, Chappelle’s Show started streaming on Netflix. We rejoiced because more access to that subversive and hilarious series is a good thing. But not to Dave. Not when the show that bears his name is no longer his.

Chappelle posted an 18-minute video to his Instagram, featuring him performing stand-up and speaking specifically about the fact that Viacom, who owns his show, sold the rights to Netflix and he didn’t see a penny. He doesn’t blame Netflix, with whom he’s established a good relationship over the past few years. But he did ask them to remove the series from its platform.

“They (ViacomCBS) didn’t have to pay me because I signed the contract,” Chappelle said in the video. “But is that right? I found out that these people were streaming my work and they never had to ask me or they never have to tell me. Perfectly legal ‘cause I signed the contract. But is that right? I didn’t think so either. That’s why I like working for Netflix. I like working for Netflix because when all those bad things happened to me, that company didn’t even exist. And when I found out they were streaming ‘Chappelle’s Show,’ I was furious. How could they not– how could they not know? So you know what I did? I called them and I told them that this makes me feel bad. And you want to know what they did? They agreed that they would take it off their platform just so I could feel better.”

Not wanting to jeopardize their relationship, and perhaps simply respecting Dave’s wishes, Netflix has obliged and removed The Chappelle Show from its service. Our loss, for sure, but the right thing to do. He may not get paid for it anymore, but there’s no denying that Chappelle’s Show is Dave Chappelle’s show. Good on Netflix.

I hope you still have your DVDs.

Watch the full clip below:

 

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A post shared by Dave Chappelle (@davechappelle)

Why Dads Are Awesome at Playing with Dolls

©2020 Mattel
Post written in partnership with Barbie®

Not all dads grew up playing with dolls, but it’s never too late to start an activity that offers them a chance to bond with their little ones in fun, creative ways that can aid their child’s development. According to an October 2020 study from Cardiff University in collaboration with Barbie®, doll play activates brain regions that allow children to develop social processing skills like empathy. These findings show us that doll play can enable children to rehearse, use and perform these skills, which are not only going to benefit them now, but also helps to set them up for future success. Every parent wants their child to grow up to be the best version of themselves they can be, and it all starts with empathy. By playing with Barbie dolls with their kids, dads can help foster this development in their children and have a whole lot of fun doing it. Let’s take a look at some of the ways dads are amazing at playing with dolls.

You’re Already an Expert

Many dads spent their childhoods involved in the same kind of imaginative play as doll play, just with soldiers, action figures, or miniature cars. Playing dolls with kids uses the same creativity and imagination, and you can even incorporate lasers and dinosaurs.

Fresh Perspectives

You’re never too old to try something new. Playing with your child and Barbie dolls offers dads a fun way to bond and create fun adventures! Go on an intergalactic space journey with mermaid Barbie on her magical DreamCamper™, while making friends with space aliens who only eat marshmallows! Let your imagination run wild, and sit back and observe where your child’s mind goes. This experience gives you a glimpse into how they think, and you’ll create goofy memories that will last a lifetime as your child’s brain enjoys the benefits of doll play.

Teachable Moments

Playtime can be a great way for dads to instill some life lessons in your little one. Ask your child if you can join in and let them take the lead. As you role-play with your assigned Barbie doll, infuse some parenting into doll play. For example, if you and your child are pretending you’re at the beach and it suddenly starts to rain, suggest a fun way to make the most of it! Since doll play can help foster empathy, using dolls to overcome adversity and setbacks can become a valuable tool in your child’s development.

All the Feels

Playing with Barbie dolls can be a great way for kids to express their feelings which is pivotal to developing empathy. Sometimes, it may be challenging for children to verbalize how they’re feeling. However, through doll play, they’re able to act it out and work through the different emotions, allowing you to assist them in the process. By playing together, dads and kids can explore their feelings through role-playing exercises where everyone feels safe and secure.

Exploring New Horizons

Parents desire for their children to grow up in a world built on kindness and compassion, and Barbie dolls can be a great tool to start fostering that from an early age. According to Dr. Sarah Gerson, the neuroscientist who led the study at Cardiff University, “Dolls like Barbie offer a wide expanse of diverse characters and add-ons like professional roles and uniforms (a judge, a football player, or a doll in a wheelchair), that can help children identify with and imagine an infinite range of scenarios.” Introducing new dolls to playtime with different skin tones, genders, and abilities, exposes children at an early age to diversity, and teaches them about inclusivity in an age-appropriate way they can understand. Since doll play activates the brain region related to empathy even when kids play by themselves, dads can help children develop better versions of themselves even when they’re not actively playing together.

Even though some dads might now have grown up playing with dolls, this research shows that it’s never been a better time to start and challenge yourself to something new. By playing with Barbie dolls, you can help your kid develop into an empathetic, kind leader as they grow older.

You can check out more findings from the Cardiff University and Barbie study here.

Study was commissioned by Barbie (2020). Study was conducted with 42 children (20 boys and 22 girls) ages 4-8 years old with full data captured from 33 children.

This post was sponsored by:
Barbie®

Father Figures: Stronger

“My two-year-old James is stronger than I will ever be.

Two days after he was born, the doctors detected a heart murmur in our little guy. After some tests and imaging, it was determined that James had a ventricular septal defect (VSD), a common type of congenital heart defect.

However, James’s defect was rare. It was right next to his pulmonary artery and aortic valves which made it very unlikely for it to close on its own like so many do. We were also told that he probably will not grow, will have trouble eating, will most likely have a NG tube, and will need open heart surgery before he was four months old to save his life.

Mom and I were devastated. As brand new parents, we had just been told our perfect newborn wasn’t perfect; that’s how we felt, at least.

We felt the need to explain it to everyone he met, and felt ashamed of ourselves if we didn’t. We went to therapy, my wife and I sobbed for weeks. We lived in fear, wondering, ‘when will the symptoms start to show up?’

We absolutely dreaded the thought of open heart surgery.

As time went on, we never saw any signs or symptoms. James grew, ate, hit milestone after milestone. Tests started to come back more and more promising. We were told he may actually avoid surgery. We were ecstatic. Until his latest appointment with his cardiologist.

They found that his heart had enlarged past safe ranges and the pressure in his lungs was growing and could cause permanent damage if left untreated. All of a sudden, open heart surgery was a sure thing. Something that we had dreaded for two years was going to happen.

We got referred to University of Michigan’s children’s hospital and within a month we were there, preparing to send James into surgery. The hardest moment of my entire life was the moment when the nurses wheeled my son’s hospital bed away from me and told me I couldn’t go with him any further. I broke down, right there, in the middle of the pre-op lobby.

After about 4 hours, the surgeon came into the waiting lounge and delivered to us the best news we had ever gotten. James did amazing. His defect is repaired, there were zero complications, he is breathing, and his heart is beating on its own.

Our baby boy was perfect again.

It’s been one week since James’ surgery; he is recovering ahead of schedule and doing great.

I will never take being a dad for granted. James is the best teacher I’ve ever had, and he’s stronger than I’ll ever be.

It’s hard being a dad, especially when your two-year-old has a really big ouchie on his chest and doesn’t understand why. I figure, maybe if Dada has an ouchie too it won’t matter anymore. Dada’s ouchie is sound-waves of us singing ‘Twinkle Twinkle Little Star’ together like we do every night before bed.

I will always have your back, James.”

– Brenden Schlott

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