12 Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week 12/11/20

The last few weeks of every year feel like a race to the finish. Preparing for the holidays, setting goals for the new year, finally getting around to changing your sheets – it’s a lot. This year especially has brought a host of new challenges which we aren’t going to talk about in any detail because frankly, we don’t want to. All we know is everyone could use a few minutes to sit back, have a few laughs, and forget the perpetually-growing to-do list. So here’s yours. 12 of the funniest parenting tweets of the week, all in one place, so you don’t have to do any of the work. Sit back, relax, and change those sheets later (seriously, change your sheets).
If it works, it works
My 3yo just ate a bunch of almonds and complained his chin hurt from the salt.
I asked him if he wanted a wet napkin to help.
He said he needed a dinner roll to help it.
Now he’s holding a King’s Hawaiian Roll on his chin.
— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) December 9, 2020
As long as you take like 8x as much as them, you should be ok
Started cutting my kids’ vitamins in half because I’m worried if they get too strong they will bully me even more
— jon drake (@DrakeGatsby) December 9, 2020
I do love dolphins
Any marine biologists out there with research on the shark’s self-esteem? My toddler just shared that she would survive an attack by yelling, “YOU ARE NOT LOVED. PEOPLE LOVE DOLPHINS!”
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 5, 2020
Isn’t that romance? Am I too far gone
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a romantic dinner out one of us can eat over the sink while the other repeatedly tells a 5-year-old to “please close your sandwich.”
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 6, 2020
Maybe with time, there will be some Improvement
something i say all the time when my kids ask “what time is it?” is “IT’S TOOL TIME” and they don’t get it and i don’t care.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) December 8, 2020
Bold move
i’ll change a tire in front of another man’s wife and kids idgaf, that’s my family now
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) December 8, 2020
Not less, necessarily, just different
At this point our goal as parents is just for our kids to need different therapy than we did.
— X(mas)ennial Daddy (@Xennial_Daddy) December 9, 2020
[5 Minutes after fight ends] *Panting* Hey you guys ok?
*Hearing my kids fighting upstairs
once I can run up those stairs without getting winded, it’s so over for them
— Dave Ween (@pittdave13) December 9, 2020
Just buy rainbow everything
My 5YO changed her favorite color to teal, now our four year investment in pink is worth zilch
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) December 10, 2020
Yeah, the uh – acoustics are better out there
I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 8, 2020
She’s helping you prepare for 5 years from now
Wife found 8 in the shower sitting crisscross with her socks still on, as well as one glove, while listening to Nora Jones as the water came down.
Apparently we are raising a middle-aged woman on the verge of a break-down.
— Dadalorian of 4 (@DadWithABeer) December 5, 2020
Ah yes, to be young and stay up late on purpose
At that age where the most challenging part of Christmas is staying up later than my kids to put the presents out.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) December 7, 2020
Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?