Parenting gives you access to a spectrum of emotions and a perspective on life that you never even knew existed. Your priorities change, your daily routine does a 180, and though you did your best to prepare, you never really know until you’re in it. Through the hard times and the best times, you can’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. Twitter parents have mastered the art of laughing at the absurd, and fortunately, they invite us along to laugh with them (and man, we can always use a laugh). No matter what kind of day you’re having, take a few minutes and enjoy 12 of the funniest tweets from parents this week.
Maybe The Godfather was not a good bedtime movie
Just saw my toddler holding a pillow over the face of her teddy bear while whispering “night night”. I’m worried for my safety.
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) January 30, 2021
Never lose hope, no matter how many times you’re very wrong
I asked my 4 year old why he was heading into the garage and he casually replied, “don’t worry, dad, I’m just grabbing a hammer.” I know I should intervene, but part of me hopes he’s going to fix the loose baseboard in the hallway.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 31, 2021
I need at least 3 days to think of the perfect comeback
my daughter was wearing a flannel hoodie so I said “hey, the 90’s called” and she replied “yeah cause they couldn’t text” and godDAMMIT I’m getting really tired of my kids owning me
— Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) January 29, 2021
Ah, the sweet sounds of home
For background music today, we will be playing the sound of my son opening and closing the same three drawers 15 times trying to find his homework
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 1, 2021
I did my thesis on that one
My kid is doing virtual learning and the history teacher asked the class about great battles of the past and some kid said “the battle of Jurassic Park” and I can’t stop thinking about that now
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) February 1, 2021
You have to go through all other kids’ names plus the dog’s name before getting it right
King penguins can identify their offspring in a colony of 500,000, but I can’t get through the day calling my three by the correct names.
— Xennial Daddy (@Xennial_Daddy) February 1, 2021
Insanity or genius?
Parenting rock bottom: I vacuumed the kitchen table.
— Dad Bits (@DadBits) January 29, 2021
He’s 20 years too young for that level of “over it”
When I told 5 his shoes were on the wrong feet and he said “Come on dad, it’s not like it even matters” I felt that
— Teej 🇺🇲 (@brwcrw4lyfe) February 1, 2021
They need time to grieve
Hell hath no fury like kids who have to go to school when they were fully expecting a snow day.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 1, 2021
So young, so naive
6-year-old: When I have my own house, I’ll take naps whenever I want.
Me: Will you have kids?
6-year-old: What’s that got to do with it?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 3, 2021
Parenting reflexes on point
My wife and I heard our kid get up and hid the bowls of ice cream we were making like we were breaking down a meth lab with sirens in the distance.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 4, 2021
May as well get the biggest one
Me: [looking at TVs online]
Wife: I thought we were putting that money towards a college fund?
Me: [to our 5-year-old] Hey what’s 2+2?
Wife: So what TV are we getting?
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 3, 2021
Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?