A 2-year-old in Cincinnati is defying everything we thought we knew about the science of sleep.

Despite waking for the day at 4am, she refused her afternoon nap and is now too wired to fall asleep at bedtime. Defying all laws of science, logic, God, and man, the child continues to refuse sleep. She has also been making noise nonstop for a record-breaking 16 hours.

“It doesn’t make any sense,” says leading sleep scientist Meredith Rischmann. “With the extremely early wake time and no nap, she should be MORE tired than usual, but it seems like she’s only getting more powerful. She’s in perpetual motion, working indefinitely without an energy source, and we can’t explain it.”

“I can barely keep my eyes open,” states her dad, “We’re getting desperate. There seems to be no end in sight.”

Scientists are unable to explain how the child has not passed out and refuses to settle down, despite being read 3 bedtime stories and given a drink of water. People from the community are rallying around the family, with one neighbor suggesting lavender essential oils, to little avail.

“We tried putting a drop of lavender oil on her pillow, and it’s almost like the nice smell had no effect on her at all!” says her dad.

In a shocking exclusive interview, the toddler in question was asked when she planned to sleep and she screamed, “NEVER!” The child then began levitating and glowing with blinding white heat in a state of pure, uncontrolled energy.

Her exhausted mother was unable to comment, as she had fallen asleep on the couch despite the extremely loud conditions.

This Just In…is The Dad Faking News. Despite being completely plausible to parents, it’s satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. For more stories like this one click here.

At the start of quarantine, everybody’s favorite talking snowman, Josh Gad, created a YouTube series called “Reunited Apart.” In this series, he brought together the casts of some classic movies, like Goonies, Ghostbusters, Back to the Future, the Lord of the Rings, and more.

They were fun trips down memory lane, both for the cast members and the viewers.

A few of those specials featured what may be the best chance we have for an actual reunion. That’s certainly true for the Back to the Future team! But Ghostbusters is having a redux, and Goonies has a show coming out soon – about remaking Goonies. Bizarre, I know. And Gad’s latest special features the cast of another 80s classic that has had a recent revival: The Karate Kid.

Ralph Macchio and William Zabka, who star together in Netflix’s Cobra Kai – season three – came together, a song with Gad and Elisabeth Shue (Ali with an I!), and other cast members from the classic flick to raise money for Action Against Hunger charity. They swapped stories about the making of the movie and paid tribute to late star Pat “Mr. Miyagi” Morita.

Check out the fun reunion:

In the first bit of positive news for hip hop legend, Dr. Dre has been released from the hospital after a stay in the ICU for a brain aneurysm. Things looked scary for Dre after he was rushed to the hospital, and brain aneurysms have a high rate of death and permanent neurological impairments. Incredibly, doctors think he will have a full recovery, according to sources close to the family speaking to TMZ.

While he has been discharged, doctors don’t know what the cause is, so he’s being monitored by health professionals 24/7 at home. The iconic producer has had a rough few months, as his LA home was targeted by burglars after he went to the hospital, and four people were arrested attempting to get into his home. He’s also been going through a contentious divorce.

Not long after he was admitted to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center, he shared an Instagram post saying:

“Thanks to my family, friends and fans for their interest and well wishes. I’m doing great and getting excellent care from my medical team. I will be out of the hospital and back home soon. Shout out to all the great medical professionals at Cedars. One Love!!

 

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Ice T actually broke the news about Dre’s return home, sharing on Twitter that he just FaceTimed with Dr. Dre, saying “he just made it home, safe and looking good.”

Update: Just FaceTimed with @drdre He just made it home. Safe and looking good.

— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) January 15, 2021

For 36 years, Alex Trebek and his famous mustache were the face of Jeopardy. In November, the beloved game show host passed away after a valiant battle with cancer, and now the producers of the show are scrambling to find a replacement. But whoever takes over for Trebek will have big shoes to fill, and the people behind the decision are not taking it lightly.

Many names have been tossed around, and several celebrities will appear as guest hosts over the next few weeks before a final decision is made. Ken Jennings, the popular former champion with a large Twitter following and quick wit, went first, Katie Couric is coming soon, and now a football player with a history of competing may be next. But potentially not until after the Super Bowl.

Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers is a longtime fan of the show and even won the Celebrity Tournament in $50,000 (and donated his winnings to the MACC Fund (Midwest Athletes Against Childhood Cancer).

The QB, currently prepping for his team’s matchup against the Los Angeles Rams in this Saturday’s divisional round of the NFL playoffs, appeared on the Pat McAfee show and spilled the beans.

“I’m really excited about it. We’ve been talking about it for a little bit,” Rodgers said. “I think I may have jumped the gun a little bit so I apologize to ‘Jeopardy’ if they wanted to announce it, I just got so excited on the show earlier. It just went down the last couple of days, us figuring it out. It is very exciting, it’s for the offseason, we’ll be even more excited when that opportunity gets a little closer.”

BREAKING NEWS: @AaronRodgers12 is going to guest host Jeopardy #PatMcAfeeShowLIVE pic.twitter.com/u03VFDVRvO

— Pat McAfee (@PatMcAfeeShow) January 12, 2021

The former MVP and Super Bowl champion told McAfee how much the opportunity means to him, as a huge fan of the show.

“The show has been so special to me over the years,” Rodgers said. “It’s been a staple at my house here in Green Bay for the last 16 years – 6 o’clock watching Alex and trying to get as many questions as I can. When the opportunity came up in 2015 I mean that was a dream come true, it really was, to be on there, to get to meet Alex was just such a special moment, and we’re all obviously sad about his passing. I’ve said it before I think when he passed, but there’s this nostalgic connection to certain figures in our life based on our childhood and where we were at and the times we had those memories, it almost makes these people feel like family, like you know them.”

The odds of Rodgers hanging up his cleats and taking over for Alex Trebek anytime soon are probably pretty low. The show’s producers are considering a slew of other potential hosts, including LeVar Burton and Jane Lynch, but Rodgers has proven himself to be more than capable of handling the show’s material, so never say never.

There’s an entire website dedicated to the hilarity of “Awkward Family Photos,” and in a series of videos, TikTok user kylescheele reminds us why we love them so dang much. For some reason, traditional family photos are often bizarre. From strange coordinated outfits to poses that look so unnatural they may as well be aliens doing their best human impressions, there’s no shortage of things that can go wrong. But after staring at the same family photo for decades, Kyle decided to make some changes.

In part one of Kyle’s TikTok, he gives some background on the photo in question. In the scope of things, the picture isn’t horrible. In fact, it would have been a pretty acceptable family photo aside from one small problem. Even though it’s been hanging in his house for decades, Kyle’s dad hates that freaking picture (understandably).

Kyle explains, “for no discernable reason, the photographer had only my dad tilt his head, but my dad didn’t know that until after the photo was already developed.”

Maybe a small head tilt doesn’t sound like something that would ruin a photo, but uh, it definitely ruined the photo. In a picture full of family members looking straight forward, plopped in the middle is Kyle’s dad, staring crookedly at the camera.

The photo has been hanging in the same spot for roughly three decades thanks to Kyle’s mom who unironically loves it. But as a gift to his dad, Kyle decided to put his Photoshop skills to use and fix the photo once and for all.

In a stroke of absolute genius, Kyle decided to not only to straighten his dad’s face in the photo but to tilt the faces of everyone else in the picture. He orders a large, framed copy of the new and improved family photo, and even though he’s seen it before, he is thoroughly tickled when he opens the box.

@kylescheeleThis is the best gift idea I’ve ever had. ##greenscreen ##photoshop ##christmas ##gift ##family ##familypictures ##funny♬ original sound – kylescheele

Finally, it’s time for part two. The moment of truth. Without cracking a smile, Kyle hands his dad the wrapped work of art. As his dad begins to pull back the paper, a smile spreads across his face. He turns the photo to Kyle’s mom, and as soon as she processes exactly what her brilliant son did, she bursts into uncontrollable laughter.

The new picture transcends the category of “family photo” and is now more accurately a work of art, one that will hopefully hang in the family’s house for decades to come. Legend has it that if you hold your ear to your own awkward family photo, you can still hear Kyle’s mom laughing to this day.

@kylescheeleI’ll put my mom’s laugh against yours any day. ##photoshop ##dadlean ##christmas ##gift ##part2♬ original sound – kylescheele

The comedy legend, who has been spending her COVID quarantine safely at home, hanging out with ducks, is turning 99 this weekend. How does a Hollywood icon celebrate 99? By making sure she’s around for 100, so continuing to stay home amid the pandemic…and still feeding her ducks.

“What am I doing for my birthday?…Working on getting ‘The Pet Set’ re-released and feeding the two ducks who come to visit me every day,” she told Entertainment Tonight.

Betty White turns 99 in less than a week! 🎉 https://t.co/l7eRNxlsx7

— Entertainment Tonight (@etnow) January 13, 2021

“Betty White’s Pet Set” was a show in the early 70s featuring White with celebrities and their pets, ranging from dogs and cats to elephants, tiger sand zebras. The show is getting re-released for its 50th anniversary on February 23rd.

In a year that saw us lose many comedy icons, including Carl Reiner and Fred Willard, the beloved White continues to write the book on aging with grace.

She said the one thing that keeps her going is a sense of humor.

“Don’t take yourself too seriously. You can lie to others, not that I would, but you cannot lie to yourself,” she told People. She also echoed that as her advice for living a happy and long life.

“Having a sense of humor and looking at the positive side, and not dwelling on the downside,” she said. “Takes too much energy being negative. Also having a good agent who keeps me busy all the time.”

While COVID numbers continue to climb throughout North America, and wreaking special havoc on the elderly, we have to be thankful to the duck family for keeping Betty White happy and sane through the worst of it, and for being the only ones to help the legendary actor celebrate turning 99.

Possibly the funniest thing about kids is that they don’t realize just how funny they are. Seemingly out of nowhere, kids pull out comedy gold and deliver it with complete sincerity. No matter how frequently it happens, it catches us off guard in the best possible way. Thankfully, Twitter parents share their kids’ funniest moments, inviting us to laugh along with them. Here are 12 of this week’s funniest parenting tweets, featuring both hilarious parents and their hilarious kids.

As long as you get the worst parts out, they should be fine

The biggest parenting challenge you ever face is raising the “you” out of your kids

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 13, 2021

Honestly that’s a steal

I’m not up-to-date on blackmail rates, but my kid is asking for a bowl of doritos and a bag of fruit snacks… does that sound fair for witnessing me break a lamp?

— wheaties~on~a~hill (@wheatiesmdub) January 12, 2021

Parenting is an enigma

My 4yo just taught himself to whistle, and how something so damn annoying can make me feel so damn proud I don’t even know.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 8, 2021

Absolute genius

My “do not disturb” sign was completely ignored by the kids when I had to get some work done, so I replaced it with “If you knock, you will do chores.”

I haven’t had this much alone time in 14 years. I think I’m on to something here.

— Shannon Carpenter (@HossmanAtHome) January 11, 2021

It’s not *the worst* nickname

Son: the devil made me do it

Me: what did I say about that

Son: not to call my sister the devil

— 🧙‍♂️Nostradumbass🧙‍♂️ (@The_Albinoshrek) January 11, 2021

This is a big brain move

Me: What do you want for dinner?

Child: McDonald’s.

Me: I’m not buying McDonald’s. What do you want me to make?

Child: A Big Mac.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 12, 2021

Kids are brutal, part 2

My 2yo pointed at the octopus in the book we were reading and called it dada if any of you were wondering how attractive I am in real life

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) January 9, 2021

So awake, in fact, that I may never sleep again

[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper]

Daddy, don’t worry, you can sleep. I’m making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the stove?

Me: I’m up.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 10, 2021

Just for 5 minutes, I want to see the world the way my kid sees the world

“Wait…there are PEOPLE in Australia?!?!” My son and I talk about kangaroos, koalas, and Tasmanian devils pretty much nonstop, but I guess I’d neglected to mentioned that, yeah, humans hang out there too. All this time he thought it was “more like a Zootopia kind of place.”

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 12, 2021

It’s so hard to get mad at a response like that and they know it

i put 5 in bed last night. lights off. door closed. then i heard him scream bloody murder. i ran in and 11 is there by his bed. he thought it was a good idea to hide in the closet and come out in the dark. i asked him what he was thinking and he said “i’m a moron”. the end.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 12, 2021

He May be onto something

11: I don’t like that kid, he’s my March enemy

Me: I’m sorry, your what?

— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) January 14, 2021

Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?

This is not a good time for many people. You know who IS loving this era, though? Dogs. It has never been a better time to be a man’s best friend. For starters, most of us are home WAY MORE than ever before. On top of that, we’ve had our first dog beer invented so we could take our bro-ship to the next level and Budweiser unveiled their Barkweiser 7-pack that comes with a beer-shaped dog toy for your pup. And now this: Ben and Jerry’s is getting into their game by creating the first line of frozen dog treats.

 

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It’s the first product in the company’s four decades that is specifically created for an animal. The company has always had a pet-friendly approach, both in the founders’ passion for environmental causes, and in their policy to office dogs (there are many four-legged friends roaming the offices). The treats are being sold in individual 4-ounce cups or in packs for four.

Pontch’s Mix, the first treat, has frozen peanut butter, pretzel swirls, and was named after an office French Bulldog.

Rosie’s Batch has creamy pumpkin and mini dog-friendly cookies and is named for a rescue mutt in the corporate headquarters.

The Doggie Desserts are available everywhere now and are even safe for humans to eat (although seems kinda rude tbh). Since dogs don’t do dairy (generally), the treats are made with sunflower butter, so they are perfectly safe and delicious for dogs.

“We know our fans love their dogs and treat them like family,” said a spokesman for Ben and Jerry’s. “We created this line so pups can enjoy something even better than belly rubs.”

There have never been more ways to spoil your dogs, but if you can’t do it during a global pandemic, when can you? The frozen dog treats are available at supermarkets and chain stores everywhere.

“I spent years convincing myself that I never wanted to be a dad. I had such strong feelings about the poor relationship between myself and my own father that I feared ever being viewed by someone in that same light.

I worked diligently to build a great career and pay off all debt prior to even thinking about having kids, thinking that maybe setting them up for a life free from those hardships might help me avoid the same pitfalls that my own father encountered.

Finally came the news from my wife that we were expecting. I was nervous and apprehensive. My greatest fear had always been being a bad father and now I was going to get my test.

We went to our ultrasound extremely naïve, already planning for how our lives were about to change. The tech calmly put down her equipment and told us that there was no heartbeat and the pregnancy wasn’t viable.

I was devastated. Devastated for my wife. Devastated for our plans. Devastated that I couldn’t do anything to ease my wife’s pain.

We went through three consecutive miscarriages and dozens of tests, all to be diagnosed with bad luck. With our fourth attempt my fear of being a bad father had shifted. My greatest fear now was never getting to be one.

Finally: a heartbeat. Hope.

We endured one more miscarriage scare during our fourth pregnancy but it proved to only be a hiccup.

I’m now 6 months into this dad thing and I can honestly say I’ve never been part of anything better than this. I can’t imagine not being this little girl’s daddy.”

– Scott Dillon

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

In somewhat shocking news, Chris Evans is nearing an official return to Marvel movies, picking up the shield again to reprise his role as Captain America. According to Deadline, Evans will be bringing Captain America back in at least one movie, possibly more. The caveat, though, is that he won’t be the main draw, he’ll be a secondary character, sort of like Robert Downey’s Iron Man in a few of the MCU movies.

Evans was a great Captain America, so why are fans shocked? Because his ending in Avengers: Endgame seemed really well done for the character. It was a great send-off to Cap and that whole phase of the MCU. I mean come on, he literally even took the Captain America shield and passed it off to Falcon at the end of the movie. What better passing of the torch could you ask for?

But Evans hasn’t had enough of Steve Rogers, though the details as to which film he’ll be in are still unclear. Is it the most shocking reversal when it comes to movies? I mean no, clearly not, as long as it’s done well and not just haphazard (looking at you, Emperor Palpatine in The Rise of Skywalker). Maybe it’ll be some sort of Dr. Strange, alternate reality thing, or maybe a flashback-y movie.

Fans…are split, to say the least. Some are PSYCHED to see one of the MCU’s most beloved superheroes back in action, while others think it could diminish his great ending in Endgame.

CHRIS EVANS IS COMING BACK AS CAP BRO WTH?!

— SAINT NICKALAS (@MegaLucarioX) January 14, 2021

Chris Evans trending like the king that he is. Always booked and busy and now also returning as Captain America??? Legendaric. pic.twitter.com/DCjAc3fTFw

— Kayden | Breakdown era (@IIKaydenII) January 14, 2021

[Steve Rogers gently dancing with Peggy Carter as the world events of the 1950s through 2010s occur uninterrupted] https://t.co/maaqj2JMwQ

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 14, 2021

Na not Steve coming back from spending time in peak racism era with Peggy to take back the job he gave to a black man. https://t.co/t5qUJGA5Lg

— ☀️Sun Tzilla🦖 (@SunTzilla) January 14, 2021

PEGGY [reading newspaper] says here The Rolling Stones are going to play a free concert at the Altamont Speedway
STEVE [awkwardly changing subject] oh, say, I wonder who’s on Ed Sullivan tonight

— Dave Itzkoff (@ditzkoff) January 14, 2021

When Marvel Studios asked Chris Evans to come back as Captain America pic.twitter.com/8bWES723Rw

— Fandom (@getFANDOM) January 14, 2021

Even Chris Evans tried to play it off, saying on Twitter that it was “news to me.”

News to me🤷🏻‍♂️

— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) January 14, 2021

Marvel has a TON of new projects and heroes on their plate, and no shortage of difficult situations to navigate (like a Black Panther-less Black Panther), so Evans returning to his iconic role adds another interesting twist to the new direction.