My wife is an incredible gift giver. Which is a double-edged sword. On one hand, I love getting great gifts for Christmas and on my birthday, but on the other hand, it really puts the pressure on my to deliver on literally every other holiday (Christmas, her birthday, Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Mario Day, etc.).
That’s why I was so excited to stumble upon this new item that will be perfect for our 15th wedding anniversary. That’s the porcelain anniversary, right?
It’s called the Toilet Timer, and it’s a sand timer that you place in the bathroom so that your husband doesn’t spend way too much time sitting on the john and avoiding familial responsibilities. It’s funnier and less extreme than turning off the WiFi.
The Toilet Timer is available on Amazon right now, and you can choose from three designs, all of which feature the sand being expelled from the image of a man’s anus as he sits on the toilet looking at his phone because the product is nothing, if not classy.
There’s the classic black-and-white design, the Dad design, which is in color and adds a “Hurry Up!” dialogue bubble (presumably coming from Mom), and the Presidential design. They’ll run you $14.99, no pun intended.
The product description includes phrases like “funny and bowel-provoking,” “for the long-pooper or poo-crastinator in your life.” This just sounds like the perfect stocking stuffer, and since I know for sure that she gets annoyed if I’m in there for too long, I’m basically expecting to receive it next Christmas.
The only thing that might give my wife pause is that I don’t think she’s ever described me as a poo-crastinator. At least not since our wedding vows.
Grab one for $14.99 here.
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