Ah, kids. They’re alarmingly honest, exceedingly creative, and (though it’s probably unintentional) they’re extremely good at keeping us grounded. Every week, we round up the funniest parenting tweets for your viewing pleasure. From the endearing to the absurd, parents experience it all – often in the same hour. Fortunately for us, these Twitter parents document it all. So take a breather, and enjoy this roundup of the 12 funniest parenting tweets from the week.
So, uh, how’s it going?
What I say: it’s time for bed
What my child hears: you have been sentenced to life in prison with no parole
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) August 18, 2020
Are you tired?
Why are my kids still awake? It’s like a million o’ clock.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 23, 2020
Kid: knock knock
Me: who’s there?
Me: banana who?
Kid: bananas don’t have last names
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) August 25, 2020
I’ll… I’ll take that as a yes.
me: why are you eating ice cream at 10am??
7: because mom is gone and you weren’t out here to stop me
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) August 25, 2020
You’re doing great though,
A “Scared Straight” program but for people thinking of becoming parents, where they have to wake teenagers up for school.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) August 25, 2020
You know, for the most part.
Me: what do you need?
Wife: *cooking supper* help
Me: plz be more Ｓｐｅｃｉｆｉｃ
Wife: *balancing a child on the countertop while cutting veggies*
h e l p
Me: why must women speak in 𝐂𝐨𝐝𝐞
Wife: *putting out a pan fire* HELP
Me: you people are a 𝓜𝔂𝓼𝓽𝓮𝓻𝔂
— Roy🌾 (@Roy_oh_Roy) August 25, 2020
Even if you’re not always properly appreciated,
I wonder if my 17 year old daughter and her friends will think my new banjo is cool?
— Bart (@bartandsoul) August 21, 2020
We see you,
MY KID: [all day long] daddy, i’m bored. i’m bored, daddy. i’m bored. daddy, i’m bored.
MY KID: [at bedtime] oh heavens no, father, i couldn’t possibly retire to bed at this hour with so much left to do
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) August 25, 2020
And we know how much effort it takes to make it look easy.
As I tucked him in bed, my four year old pulled me in for a hug and softly whispered, “when a goat dies, worms will eat its brains.” Thanks for creeping me the fuck out, son.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) August 25, 2020
At the end of the day
I kinda fucked up my merge and I’m currently getting roasted by a 3 year old in a car seat how are you
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) August 27, 2020
(Or the very beginning),
“It’s boring just laying here.” – my son’s review of 5:00 am
— Matty (@bestestname) August 22, 2020
You might finally realize that you’re nothing short of legendary.
Dad’s love saying “welp, the grass wont cut itself” before hitching up their pants and heading out like some kind of horticultural Hercules
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) August 25, 2020
Did you miss last week’s funniest parenting tweets?