Vasectomies: An Act Of Love For Your Children? Or Hate?


A childless friend recently posed a philosophical question: Is a vasectomy a sign of love for your children? Or a sign that you hate them?

Stay with me here. Does getting a vasectomy show that you love your kids so much you want to be able to focus all of your time, love, and energy (and money) on them? Or does it show that they are so difficult that you couldn’t possibly bear to have any more of them in your life?

Before answering, I mentioned that during my own vasectomy the pinching and pulling was uncomfortable.

“WHAT?!” he said. “You weren’t put under?”

No. I was not.

Combine this misconception with tweets like this, implying that penises are the central focus of a vasectomy…

…and I think some basic vasectomy knowledge must be dropped before we get into philosophical musings.

Vasectomy Basics

Fair warning, I will be using some fairly technical medical terminology here.

I think the most common misconception is that jizz comes from the doodads. Not true. Sperm are sourced from the doodads, flow through the doodad cables in the doodad sack, and make their way to the seminal vesicles (no immaturely funny name for that, sadly), where they join the majority of the fluid, which doesn’t come from the doodads at all. There the jizz stays, until the moment of climax where the fluid makes its sweet escape.

So a vasectomy is simply cutting those doodad cables so that the sperm doesn’t get to flow and join the rest of the jizz in the seminal vesicles party. Men who have a vasectomy still ejaculate. And absolutely nothing about a vasectomy involves the penis. Got it? GOT IT?


The Surgery

So what is a vasectomy like?

Vasectomies are typically performed by a urologist, a doctor specializing in doodads and other equipment located in the pee-generating region. Urologists deal with all types of urinary issues. So in my case, my urologist’s office was filled with old men with prostate and kidney stones issues. The waiting room  looked (and smelled) like bingo night at a local nursing home. Not exactly the level of cleanliness I would want for the place where my doodad sack was about to be sliced open.

On the day of the surgery, my wife drove me. However, my doctor told me it would be fine to drive myself. So not only do you not get put under, but you are easily able to walk out of the doctor’s office and drive home after the surgery. My wife was so grossed out by the waiting room that she wouldn’t sit down. (She’s also a bit of a hypochondriac. God bless her.)

The surgery chair/table/bed looked like this:

(Joel Willis)

I laid on the specialty hospital bed with my pants and underwear down around my ankles. The doctor raised the bed upwards like a human standing desk with genitalia in the middle, he shown a bright white light on my junk, and got to work.

If you’ve never had someone tug on your doodad cables, it’s difficult to understand. It feels like you’re a puppet and the cables are strings to your soul. You feel it in your stomach and you feel it in all of the places where you hold your deepest insecurities. That’s probably the worst part.

Except for the Novocaine. For my vasectomy, the doctor used local anesthesia, shot directly into my doodad sack skin. It felt exactly like that: a needle injecting fluid into the delicate tissue paper skin that protects the family jewels.

While the doctor was juicing me up, he made jokes. I like jokes. I’m a joke guy. In this case, however, not really into jokes. He wasn’t making dick jokes, necessarily, but given his current work location, any joke was basically a dick joke.

“Perfect weekend for this,” he said. “You can watch the Masters.”

“I’ll probably make memes,” I replied awkwardly.

Once the Novocaine set in, I didn’t feel much. He made two small incisions, one for each doodad. Then he cut each cable in two spots, removing a tiny piece from each. Then, he soldered each cable shut. As he did this, I saw smoke rising. I smelled the searing of my own doodad cables. The jokes continued. I clenched my eyes tightly and to convince myself I was doing the right thing, I thought about the most difficult parts of parenting. I could almost hear my kids throwing a tantrum in the distance.

If you look closely you can see the two pieces that were removed from my doodad cables. (Joel Willis)

That’s it. He finished up. He told me to get dressed. He left the room. It was over in about 30 minutes.

There was discomfort during the surgery, but it’s not nearly as bad as people make it out to be. Everything still works. My penis is intact.

Love or Hate?

So why did I do it? What does getting a vasectomy say about my relationship with my children?

Getting a vasectomy is a personal decision, and for those in a relationship, it’s a collaborative decision between you and your partner. So for me and my wife, does my vasectomy show that we hate our kids, or love our kids? Like parenting, it’s complicated.

Our two kids are eccentric and dynamic. They are higher maintenance than most. Our days are filled with extreme highs and lows. And we wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s the best.

But three kids like this would surely stretch me too thin—mentally, emotionally, financially. I actually don’t hate my kids. Not exactly. Not at all really. They’re just… a lot. Look at it this way, if I eat two gigantic pieces of chocolate cake, I feel pretty good. I’m satisfied. I had a good experience. But if I eat a third, I’ll probably vomit.

So I think I had the vasectomy because I love my kids, but maybe more so because I love my sanity. If my kids want a sane father, and I’d like to think that they do most days, then a new brother or sister is not the ticket for them.

I love my two kids the perfect amount. It’s that hypothetical third kid I hate. That said, if the vasectomy failed for some reason, and a third child comes, I’ll choke down that third piece of chocolate cake and do my best not to vomit. And I’ll probably love it all the same.

Father and Son Escape Burning Truck in the Nick of Time

(News Channel Nebraska)

19-year old Minnesota man Kobe Sammons drove 500 miles to visit his family in Nebraska. When he arrived he told to his father, Jeremy, that his ride just wasn’t running right. So his dad hopped in the truck and the two went for a drive in hopes of discovering what the problem was.

A short while later they pulled over when Jeremy noticed smoke had entered the cabin of the truck. The smoke quickly turned to heat and it became apparent the engine compartment was on fire.

That’s when both men attempted to open their doors but they would not unlock.

The father wondered if this would be their final moments together.

“I told him he would have to break the glass or kick the door open. I couldn’t help him.” the elder Sammons told News Channel Nebraska.

But eventually Kobe was able to kick the door open.

“It was in those moments. Just when it had to open, the door opened.” Kobe’s dad said.

By the time firefighters arrived the truck was completely engulfed in flames. Authorities on the scene considered that the fire may have caused the doors’ unlocking mechanism to malfunction.

The truck can easily be replaced, the important thing is that this father and son duo escaped unharmed.

75-Year-Old Volunteer Literally Takes Catnaps at Animal Shelter

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

If you’re a cat lover you’ll probably agree that 75-year-old Wisconsinite Terry Lauerman is living the dream. He spends most days volunteering at his local animal shelter snoozing with cats.

Lauerman begins his day at Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary where he brushes any cat that needs it, then ends up catching a few z’s with his feline friends. The cats and staff at the shelter love the service Lauerman provides and so do thousands of others because of a viral Facebook post about him.

Elizabeth Feldhausen, the founder of Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary, told The Huffington Post that Lauerman never signed up to be a volunteer but just showed up one day, armed with a cat brush and dream to help some kitties.

“He just walked in and started brushing,” Feldhausen said. “So eventually we told him he was an official volunteer and had him fill out our volunteer form.”

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

Safe Haven is a cage-free, no-kill shelter aimed at rehabilitating cats with special needs who would likely be euthanized elsewhere. Feldhausen says Lauerman usually comes in for about three hours every day—he’ll start by brushing a cat but usually ends up dozing off.

“He sleeps for about an hour, then he’ll wake up and switch cats,”

The cats aren’t the only ones benefitting from his visits, though. “He said, [the brushing is] as great of an experience for him, as it is for them,” said Feldhausen.

(Facebook/Safe Haven Pet Sanctuary Inc.)

The post about Lauerman has received tons of positive attention and according to Feldhausen, they’ve received about $20,000 in donations since the post went viral.

While Lauerman is happy to have brought so much attention to Safe Haven, he wants people to know that there are plenty of other volunteers that put in hours of hard work to make sure the cats are loved and cared for.

Unlike them, however, Lauerman can do it in his sleep.

Father Figures: So Be It

“My money is tight living here in Silicon Valley.

My daughters are both really smart and take advanced classes, which takes a shit load of money for tests, materials and such. I too play the ‘money is tight’ card around holidays and birthdays, but I work my ass off and find side jobs. As many as I can to make sure they have the best day possible on those special occasions.

If that means not buying myself anything for the rest of my life, so be it.

They always come first, and I believe they will appreciate the struggles later on in life, and they’ll be better off for it.”

– Mauro Hernandez

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email

Dad’s Panoramic Photo of Daughter Goes Horribly Wrong and Viral


With new phones constantly boasting advancements in camera technology, it’s no wonder some people have trouble keeping up—dads in particular.

Just ask 21-year-old Twitter user Simran. She recently came to terms with the fact that her father is a bit more technologically-challenged than she realized.

Here’s how Simran appears when she’s directing the photo shoot:

While on vacation her dad attempted to snap a unique picture of her. He insisted on trying out his iPhone X’s panoramic photo mode. As you probably expect, the photo didn’t turn out quite as planned.

“My dad told me to stand by the apples because he said he discovered a new way to take pano pics vertically,” Simran told Mashable. “I agreed to it and this was the result.”

“When he saw them he said ‘they look great’ and then I saw them and completely lost it. I mean, are you kidding me? I look like an Alien,” she said.

A number of people chimed in and made fun comparisons to some pretty unflattering images.

Clearly, Simran has been a good sport and we commend her dad for a bold attempt at harnessing advanced photo technology. But perhaps he should stick with the old fashioned point-and-shoot method from now on?

Man Struggles to Fit Small Carry-On Bag in Overhead Bin

Dad Works Around the Clock to Pay for Infant Son’s Medical Bills

(Just Giving/Roger Kerrison)

When it comes to the health and wellbeing of our kids, there’s nothing parents won’t do. If we could reverse the rotation of the earth to turn back time, a la Superman at the end of the first Christopher Reeve movie, we would.

Unfortunately, we can’t control time. But one dad is doing the next best thing to help his son: maximizing all of his.

Roger Kerrison, of Plymouth, England, is a delivery driver. And he works hard. But he’s never worked harder than he has the past few weeks, since his son Nicholas has been in the hospital. Nicholas is four months old and lives in the Philippines with his mother. The boy, who weights a mere 3.4kg, is being treated for leukemia and a heart condition.

Roger was not present for his birth and therefore the Filipino authorities will not put his name on the birth certificate, making dual citizenship impossible and therefore making him ineligible for treatment via England’s National Health Service. So Nicholas is being treated in his mother’s country, and because the public hospitals aren’t up to par, they needed to find private treatment.

“The hospital was disgusting, we had five patients in a small room and two family carers per patient so in total 15 people in the room. It was overrun by cats and the whole hospital smelt of cat wee, they told us they needed the cat to keep the rats down. It was so hot in the hospital and you just could not breathe,” Kerrison told Plymouth Live.

So he is paying for care at a private hospital, on the island of Cebu City. And it costs about 300 pounds a week.

To cover the bills, Roger has upped his hours as a delivery driver for Deliveroo, and he’s upped them about as up as they’ll go. He’s been driving 11-hour days, 7 days a week. Those 77 hours a week are nearly double the typical hours for a full-time job. But such is the sacrifice he has to make to care for his son.

The doctors think Nicholas may have a rare genetic disorder called Noonan Syndrome, but without the proper facilities, they cannot test him to confirm. The parents are hoping to get Roger’s name on the birth certificate so the boy can get dual nationality and then be flown to England for better care. But until then, Dad is doing everything he can to cover the cost.

“I am working seven days a week, 11-hours a day, to try to keep up but it’s costing around £600 every 14 days. It seems like every time we take him to hospital they find another problem and Elena and I are exhausted and very stressed and worried. The financial worries jut add to the problem because in the Philippines they will not treat you until you prove you can pay and have to pay for every small detail.”

So far, the couple have raised £2,116 of their £10,000 goal on Nicholas’ Just Giving page. On the page, Roger states, “If you met my son I know you would fall in love with him, he is so cute and he is my life. I just want to make it all go away for him.”

And he’s doing whatever he can to make that happen.