Everyone worries about their first date and how well the conversation will flow, but not many people stop to think about keeping that conversation going when you’re five, ten, or fifty years into a relationship or marriage. The truth is, though, that chatting up your spouse doesn’t always get easier as time goes by. “Remember that time I-” is met with, “Yeah, Babe. I was there.” Very quickly your conversations become more like to-do lists or quick decision making than actual time spent bonding. “But, we’re married. How much more bonded can we be?” My dude. There is always room for improvement. Trust.
If you’ve got the “We never talk anymore” comment recently, we’re here to help. Figuring out what to talk about when you’re up each other’s asses can be hard. (Uh, especially if you’re living through a pandemic and suddenly both working from home. Let alone when you add kids into the mix.) Luckily, these questions to ask your spouse will help you start new conversations. They’ll also show your partner that you’re trying and you care. *hint hint*
Questions For Your Spouse About Your Kids
1. What physical or emotional trait of yours do you hope our kids inherit? What do you hope they get from me?
2. Would you change anything about when we had kids or how we had kids?
3. What do you wish we were better at as parents?
4. What do you think I’m really good at as a parent? (Note: You need to compliment your co-parent in return!)
5. Is there anything special about your childhood that you’d like to recreate for our kids?
6. What is your wildest dream when you see yourself with your child?
7. Which do you think would make you happier — going out to eat with or without our child, and why?
8. Exactly how much harder do you think is it to have kids than to have cats?
9. What should our kid’s relationship with technology be? At what age should our kid get their first cell phone? Computer in their room? VR headset?
10. What counts as spoiling?
11. What’s an appropriate punishment or consequence for a child hitting you? How would we approach discipline in our family?
12. What are some of the things—messages, behaviors, beliefs—you learned from your parents that you would like to keep, and what are some you’d like to change, do better, or different?
Questions For Your Spouse About Their Hopes and Dreams
6. What’s the last dream you had? The last nightmare?
7. Was there anything you dreamed of doing as a kid that you still wish you could do?
8. How can I help you achieve your goals?
9. What do you think about when you think about a day when we have more free time?
10. What do you wish we could do together as a couple? As a family? What about on your own?
Questions For Your Spouse About Their Day
11. What made your day good/bad today?
12. How did I contribute to your day being good or bad?
13. What made you laugh today?
14. Is there anything you want to accomplish before we go to bed tonight?
15. What can we do together tomorrow that will make you feel appreciated and loved?
Questions For Your Spouse About Their Memories
16. What was your favorite date of ours?
17. If you could relive a time in your life, when would you choose?
18. What about if you could relive a time just in our relationship?
19. What’s your favorite memory with your siblings/parents/grandparents?
20. What memories do you still want to create?
Questions For Your Spouse To Spark Random Conversations
21. Would you ever want a boat? What kind? What would we name it?
22. What kind of pet would you like to have next (or also)? Why?
23. Where would you go on vacation if we could afford to go anywhere?
24. What is something about yourself that you wish more people complimented you for?
25. What non-super superpower would you most like to have? (Think: Learning languages faster/better or being more influential.)
26. Whats your favorite memory from the holidays?
27. What’s your favorite memory from school?
28. What’s your favorite memory since we’ve been together?
29. What’s your favorite memory since you became a parent?
30. What kind of memories do you want to create?
31. What has the pandemic taught you about our relationship?
32. What has it taught you about yourself?
33. What is the first thing you want to do when all this is over?
34. What small things do you appreciate more since we went into quarantine?
35. What habits of mine have you noticed since we’ve been home together more?
36. Are you an optimist, pessimist, or a realist?
37. What job do you think you would have if you lived in the early 1900’s?
38. What genre of books would you spend the most time looking through in a bookstore?
39. How many days could you go without electricity?
40. If you could have a free punch to someone’s face, who would it be and why?
41. What unsolved historical event are you most interested in knowing the answers to?
42. What is one thing you never did in high school that you wish you did?
43. Did your family grow up with any funny or weird rules?
44. Did you ever make up a secret handshake with a friend, and do you still remember it?
45. Would you rather put together a 20,000 piece puzzle or read a dictionary cover-to-cover?
46. What would you like to create with your own hands?
47. What celebrity should be cast as you if your life was put into a movie?