101 of the Best Puns in the World

Puns are at the heart of every good dad joke. And, not coincidentally, every terrible dad joke. Which perhaps makes them even more impressive. What else could get you so much mileage towards both entertaining, and embarrassing, your children? As always, The Dad is here to assist in this grand endeavor! We’ve compiled a list of 101 of the best puns out there, ready to be released whenever your kids need a laugh. Or just when you do.

1. I saw an ad for burial plots, but that’s the last thing I need.

2. Did you hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.

RELATED: The 40 Best Riddles for Kids That Aren’t Too Confusing – Fatherly 

3. I got fired from the calendar factory, just for taking a day off.

4. Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: Well, the flag is a big plus.

5. Clones are people two.

6. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

7. Napoleon may not have designed his coat, but he did have a hand in it.

8. I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.

9. What are windmills’ favorite genre of music? They’re big metal fans.

10. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

11. Shopping centers, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

12. My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.

13. I love whiteboards. They’re re-markable.

14. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? AIreland. Every day it’s Dublin.

15. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working. It doesn’t make any cents.

16. I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.

17. I went to a new mechanic. They came highly wreck-a-mended.

18. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.

19. Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.

20. Why can’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

21. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

22. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potion pot and his best friend? They’re both cauld ron.

23. An atom lost an electron. It really should keep an ion them.

24. What’s the best time on a clock? 6:30, hands down.

25. Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.

26. I got fired from the bank. A man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.

27. Why did the lizard say he named his baby “Tiny?” Because he’s my newt.

RELATED: 79 Corny Jokes to Tell to Kids You Love (And Adults You Hate)

28. Someone stole the police station’s toilets. They have nothing to go on.

29. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

30. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? Attire.

31. What does C.S. Lewis keep in his wardrobe? Narnia business.

32. I put all my cash into an origami business. It folded.

33. I was worried about being in a long-distance relationship. But so far so good.

34. I suffer from kleptomania. But I take something for it.

35. I’m afraid of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

36. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

37. Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

38. I quit my job at the donut factory. I was fed up with the hole business.

39. I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

40. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

41. Why did the monk refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

42. Just found out sticks float. They would.

43. My boat was cold, I tried to make a fire but it sank. I guess you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

44. I went to that new restaurant, Karma. There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve.

45. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.

46. You can’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

47. I met a criminal with a bounty on his head. That was a weird place to keep paper towels.

48. A psychic tried to sell me information on my past lives. I hate used karma dealers.

49. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

50. I met my wife on a dating site. We just clicked.

51. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

52. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me. It means a lot.

53. My roommates suspect I’m stealing their kitchen utensils. But that’s a whisk i’m willing to take.

54. I’m going to try velcro instead of shoe laces. Why knot?

55. I decided to get rid of my spine. It was holding me back.

56. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

57. Knowing how to pick locks has opened a lot of doors for me.

58. No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

59. Architects are good at coming up with concrete plans.

60. I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

61. Who designed King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.

62. What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws? He was given two consecutive sentences.

63. I recently took a pole and found out 100% of campers were angry when their tent collapsed.

64. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang. Eventually it came back to me.

65. A friend said he didn’t understand cloning. I told him that makes two of us.

66. I had a pun about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

67. Santa Claus’s elves are subordinate clauses.

68. I’m designing a reversible jacket. I’m excited to see how it turns out.

69. A man went to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach. His condition is stable.

70. To the guy who invented Zero, thanks for nothing!

71. There’s a new type of broom out. It’s sweeping the nation.

72. I tried to draw a circle, but it was pointless.

73. Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

74. There’s a fine line between numerator and denominator.

75. Velcro… what a rip-off.

76. I gave away my dead batteries, no charge.

77. One-fifth of people are just too tense.

78. After the birth of your child, your role in life will become apparent.

79. A backwards poet writes inverse.

80. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

81. My kid swallowed some coins, the doctor told me to just wait. No change yet.

82. My friend’s bakery burned down. Now his business is toast.

83. You should wear glasses while doing math. It improves division.

84. I’m glad I learned sign language. It’s really handy.

85. Bad gardeners are rough around the hedges.

86. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

87. This girl thought she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.

88. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.

89. Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He’s all right now.

90. I make apocalypse puns like there’s no tomorrow.

91. A cartoonist was found dead. Details are sketchy.

92. I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster. It just got more sluggish.

93. Life as a professional yo-yoer has its ups and downs.

94. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

95. My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn’t 1 2.

96. I failed my Braille class. It’s a touchy subject.

97. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

98. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

99. My leaf blower doesn’t work, it just sucks.

100. Need an ark? I Noah guy.

101. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

While you’re here you might as well check our list of the 101 worst puns too.

When you’ve finally had enough of jokes for dads, how about checking out these fantastic funny quotes written by some?

Chris: Complicated

“Growing up, the father figure situation was… complicated.

For years, I struggled with finding direction, a purpose. I went from living in a car to graduating nursing school.

I now have a wonderful wife, a house, a career and a purpose. I’ve been a dad for three years now, I have thousands of pictures on my iPhone, and I look forward to taking many more.

I will do my best to take in every moment, and never forget to say I love you.”

– Chris Riden

Big-Hearted Dad Spends 44 Thanksgivings Serving Free Dinners to People in Need

Thanksgiving is a time for reflecting on gratitude. But for Marty Rogers, a dad and Bronx native, focusing on gratitude served as a call to action of sorts. As a life-long resident of the Bronx, Marty feels a deep connection to his community. He sees his neighbors, both strangers and friends, as family – and on Thanksgiving, no family member is turned away.

In 1977, Marty and several of his friends from church floated the idea of serving Thanksgiving dinner to residents of the church’s senior center. 44 years ago, a crew of volunteers came together to turn the idea into a reality. Ever since, Marty has continued the tradition – at first, Marty and his fellow volunteers served their free Thanksgiving dinner to seniors in the community. They eventually expanded their efforts, extending the offer to those experiencing homelessness.

“They come in the door, they get welcomed, they get a name tag,” Marty told TODAY. “And I get to play maitre d’. ‘How’s the food?’ ‘Is everything OK with you guys?’ And at the end, they come around with seconds of pies. I love to see people (say) ‘I can’t eat no more.'”

Marty’s two kids, Joe and Maria, grew up participating in their dad’s beloved tradition. Even as young children, the eager volunteers helped out in any way they could. They saw the value in building a better community, and felt the joy of watching people leave happier than they walked in. Even as adults, both Joe and Maria look forward to Thanksgiving with their dad, and roughly 250 of their extended family members.

Around his community, Marty goes by many names. Some refer to him as “Mayor Marty” or “Saint Marty,” both titles he’s more than earned. The 44-year-long Thanksgiving tradition is just one of Marty’s many projects, each one improving the lives of those around him. And by showing his kids how good it feels to give back, he’s passed those same values on to them.

“I would describe my father as someone who truly embodies the spirit of giving, in every aspect,” Maria said, “and just knows the importance of community, of treating people with dignity and respect.”

Shaun: Never Let Me Down

“My husband Shaun has been by my side 23 years and he has never let me down.

We met in 1998, when he was 19 and I was 18. He promised to call me at a certain time on a certain day and ever since that day, he has kept his promises to me.

He promised he would marry me, we got married in 2004. He promised we would own our own home; we purchased our home in 2013. He promised we would have a child; after 13 years of trying, we had our adored son Jesse in 2016. He promised to always be a good, honest, and loving man to us. He promised that nothing, no matter how difficult it was to overcome would break apart our family. He calls us “the triangle.”

2021 has been the most trying and heartbreaking year of our relationship. We lost both his mother and my stepdad on the same day (02-14-21); two separate places, two hours apart. In one day, he lost the unconditional love of a mother and the unwavering support of my stepdad (a friend and confidant). Just six months later, his father passed away (07-22-21).

Our immediate family went from a party of seven to a party of four. He lost his whole family in the matter of 6 months. Gone.

I know he hurts and misses them daily, but I can tell you this: he is amazingly strong and he does his family proud. He still gets up every day, puts his boots on, and goes to work and manages 10-15 guys that look to him for guidance and leadership. He comes home and always greets me with a kiss. He is always ready for a hug from our son and picks him up and kisses him on his head.

Thank you, Shaun, for being the kind of man our son can look up to, to strive to emulate. Thank you for being strong for our family in the worst of times. Thank you for loving us so much that you put us first before yourself. But thank you for making that promise to call me 23 years ago.

We love you to infinity, Shaun. I know our son will be a great man one day, he has to best example showing him the way.”

– Celeste

Want to share a story about fatherhood? Email [email protected]

New ‘1883’ Trailer Showcases Rough Road to Yellowstone

Yellowstone is huge.

Creator Taylor Sheridan’s tale of the intrigue and infighting among a family of cattle barons in Montana is one of TV’s most-watched shows. The season 4 premiere blew up, which has done nothing but stoke excitement for the forthcoming prequel series, which promises to show how the Dutton family first staked their claim way back in the late 1800s.

It’s called 1883 and stars actual living cowboy Sam Elliott, along with country stars Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, Angelina Jolie’s ex Billy Bob Thornton, Isabel May and LaMonica Garrett.

According to Deadline, “1883 follows the Dutton family as they embark on a journey west through the Great Plains toward the last bastion of untamed America. It is a stark retelling of Western expansion, and an intense study of one family fleeing poverty to seek a better future in America’s promised land – Montana.”

We got a tease a little ways back, and now, just ahead of the series premiere on December 19th on Paramount+, we get a full trailer with all the drama you’d expect. Get hyped!

Cobra Kai Season 4 Poster Hypes Up All-Valley Conflict

Somehow, its almost 2022. It’s been a bumpy ride the last few years, but if there’s been one constant that’s kept us sane, or at least kept us distracted from all the insanity, it’s been streaming. And one of the gifts that streaming has given us is the unexpectedly great Cobra Kai series.

Bit of a spoiler alert if you haven’t already jumped on the bandwagon. If you don’t want to know about the tensions leading up to the new season, go back now.

It started on YouTube before moving to Netflix, and after season three’s intense developments and rollicking finale, we’ve been anxiously awaiting the next season, which promises a clash between the evil Sensai Kreese’s Cobra Kai and Daniel and Johnny’s newly united dojo at the All-Valley tournament, which is where it all began back in the 80s.

The cast is out there hyping everyone up with the new poster, with the tagline: “Fight for the soul of the valley.” The poster – shared across social media by Willam Zabka, Martin Cove, and more members of the cast and crew – highlights the warring factions of karate in the valley. They even and put Terry Silver (Thomas Ian Griffith), who terrorized Daniel in the unintentionally hilarious Karate Kid III, in a prime spot before he’s even made an appearance on the show!

The poster does a good job of reminding us what side the kids are on – Hawk flipped back to the good guys, Johnny’s son remains under the sway of Kreese – and sets the table for what should be an exciting season, especially if it actually culminates in another classic Karate Kid tournament.

Can’t wait to watch and see what happens. Who else is wondering if Hillary Swank is going to show up?

November 2021: Phil Pinti

We are honored to announce The Dad of the Month for November 2021: Phil Pinti. Phil is a wonderful example of a father who goes above and beyond, even while suffering through grief and heartache. His good friend, Sara, wrote his nomination entry and if it doesn’t inspire you, too, we’ll be shocked:

“Phil and I have been besties since 2011. In that time, we have both experienced trauma, triumph, setbacks, and major wins. Specifically, Phil has been able to turn setbacks and trauma into resilience and tenacity.

“In 2016, Phil’s beloved wife, Jennifer, succumbed to stage-4 lung cancer. Losing Jenn meant Phil became a full-time single dad overnight. He has used this devastating loss to propel him into being the best dad to his two children. He has also motivated those around him through his story and his triumphs.

“Phil gives the world to his two children. Nothing—and I mean nothing—comes before them. His quiet battles, which are not easy as a single dad, inspire so many. Whether it’s a social media post, a funny story he tells, or some other anecdote, Phil sparks joy wherever he goes.

“No matter what is going on in the world, Phil makes sure his family traditions stand the test of time. While it’s simplistic in nature, ‘Red Robin Wednesdays’ are now a weekly thing. Every Wednesday, Phil takes his daughter and son to Red Robin for burgers and broccoli (yes, they really do order broccoli as their side!). It’s these small touches that I adore about Phil.

“Phil runs in his spare time. Phil isn’t just any runner- he is THE runner. This man runs 30+ mile races like it’s an easy Sunday stroll. The way he makes huge hurdles disappear amazes me daily. The way he motivates and inspires others is unlike anything I have ever witnessed.

“His dedication, his ability to bounce back, his humor, and his amazing way of handling everything makes me nominate him for dad of the month.”


To honor Phil, his commitment to family, and his inspirational lifestyle, we’re sending him $500. Phil’s tenacity and courage are amazing characteristics in and of themselves, but in light of such tragic losses, they are even more commendable. Cheers!

Click here to read more or nominate a special dad in your life.

Chicken Tenders Are the Latest Casualty From the Supply Chain Crisis

The “supply chain crisis” has been blamed for problems real and imagined. First, it affected things like mall Santa availability, and now it has come for the kid demographic even HARDER with the latest casualty; chicken tenders. Kid’s meals at restaurants everywhere shuddered at the news that chicken tenders were the latest item threatened by the supply chain crisis.

Sure, we should’ve seen it coming. After all, chicken wings were an early casualty, causing some to go to different parts of the chicken. And now, the tenders are at-risk. It especially hurts the picky eaters in your family, as some kids refuse to eat anything but chicken tenders. The mac-and-cheese crew is safe (for now), but surely they can sympathize with the predicament facing parents.

The problem here is two-fold. First, it’s getting more difficult to find tenders on the shelves and still on the menu at restaurants. Second, even if places have them, they are going to be more expensive. Typically, prices are up at least 30 percent or so from a year ago.

The problem has gotten so bad that some pretty big fast-food chains have dropped tenders from their promotions, given the uncertainty around them. The most notable of those includes KFC, a chain that clearly sells plenty of ‘em.

Tenders already cost more to process and package, which hurts the availability slash price even more.

A vice president from Hattie B’s Hot Chicken, the very popular chain based in Nashville, told NBC there is “no safe harbor” in the supply chain.

“We see it across the board, but certainly you feel the pain the most in tenders,” he said.

You feel that pain even more if it’s all your kid will eat.

High Schooler Texts Wrong Number, Ends Up FaceTiming With Tom Brady

Wrong-number text messages are the genesis for some great stories. One of the best ever involves a family’s new Thanksgiving tradition. I was part of one that involved sending 3,000 cookies to a soldier. Point is, great things can come from messing up a phone number. That’s the lesson one high school basketball team learned this month as a group-text ended up with a FaceTime call with an NFL team and superstar QB Tom Brady.

Notre Dame Preparatory freshmen boys’ basketball players started a group text to talk about team business, as high school kids do. One number got typed in wrong, so another Michigan person was included in the texts about high school basketball. The chaos that followed was shared by one of the dads on social media.

The person accidentally included on the text was Sean Murphy-Bunting, a cornerback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. The Super Bowl champ revealed the news in the coolest “do you know who I am?” message when he sent a selfie of himself sitting in front of his locker.

The kids were floored and, predictably, did not believe it. So Murphy-Bunting played along, in an effort to make the kids’ day. To prove himself, he Face-Timed the team.

“All I hear is my son laughing his ass off,” the dad shared,” in total disbelief at what is going on.”

He gave the phone to Leonard Fournette and the star running back took them around the locker room, getting other Bucs to shout out the kids. They “met” Rob Gronkowski and Mike Evans, and then Fournette even kept the team on the phone for 10 minutes for Tom Brady to get out of a meeting and say hey to the high school team.

The kids lost their mind when Brady said “what’s up fellas?” Murphy-Bunting ended the half-hour call by telling the kids to “ball out this season.”

What an incredibly cool thing for the players to do. Brady later told ESPN he didn’t know who it was, just that Fournette asked him to say hi, and that he would’ve loved something like that as a high school kid. The dad who shared the story said he was impressed the team went the extra effort to give the kids a special story.

Sometimes pro athletes and other huge celebrities can seem so far removed from our normal daily lives. Pretty cool to remember we all get tagged into a group chat we don’t need to be in. Just awesome that the Tampa Bay Bucs had the good humor to enjoy the mixup and make a younger team’s day.

Fan Conventions Hit New Level with “Golden-Con” Tribute to ‘Golden Girls’

There was a time when pop culture conventions were the province of nerds and dorks. But we’ve grown to embrace nerding-out a little, and entertainment is now celebrated through a variety of Cons. Some are good, like Comic Con, which is fully mainstream now. Some are bad, like Santa Con, which isn’t so much a convention as a drunk nightmare. The newest could be one of the good ones, though, as next year will bring the first-ever Golden Girls Convention.

“Golden-Con” is coming in the spring of 2022 and it is positioning itself as the place to celebrate the classic show and it’s entire GGCU (Golden Girls Cinematic Universe)…(Okay we made that last part up). The series, which even inspired Fast and Furious movie, has found it’s place in the pantheon of great sitcoms. So many people remember the show fondly, even outside who you would expect to be in the fanbase. Instead of an exclusive audience of retired women, Bea Arthur, Rue McClanahan, Estelle Getty and the legendary Betty White have gained fans from every demographic.

“Golden-Con” makes it debut in Chicago with live parody shows, a costume parade, trivia contests, and a vendor’s market. A Rusty Anchor pop-up bar will be a mainstay, and there will be guest stars and others connected to the show making appearances.

The big question is if we’ll get an appearance from the sole remaining main cast member, the GOAT herself, Betty White. White turns 100 in 2022 and this would be a perfect way to celebrate the comedy icon and one of her most memorable roles.

“Golden-Con: Thank You For Being A Fan” is in April and tickets will be on sale in early 2022.