It’s a magical time of year. The snow, the presents, the action-packed Christmas movies, the children waking you up at 4AM to open the gifts you just finished wrapping 20 minutes earlier. We’re grateful for every second of it, but keeping kids entertained over that long winter break can be a challenge! By now you’ve probably used all of our worst dad jokes, so here are 55 holiday bangers, to keep your kids laughing and/or groaning until you figure out how to put that playhouse together.
1. What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?
2. What do snowmen call their offspring?
3. How much did Santa pay for his sleigh?
Nothing. It was on the house.
4. What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
‘I don’t like Brussels sprouts!’
5. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
An abdominal snowman.
6. What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?
7. What is the best Christmas present?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it.
8. How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life.
9. What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
10. What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
11. What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney?
12. What do reindeers say before they tell you a joke?
This one’s gonna sleigh you!
13. What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
14. Why did Santa’s helper see a therapist?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
15. Why did the Grinch go to the liquor store?
He was searching for some holiday spirit.
16. What do you call a bankrupt Santa?
17. Why do Christmas trees like the past so much?
Because the present’s beneath them.
18. Where do Santa’s reindeer stop for coffee?
19. What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
20. Why does Santa always enter through the chimney?
Because it soots him.
21. What do you call a snowman that can walk?
22. What is Santa’s favorite place to deliver presents?
23. Where does santa keep all his money?
At the snow bank.
24. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
25. What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet?
The Christmas alphabet has No-el.
26. What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
27. How is Christmas exactly like your job?
You do all the work and some fat guy in a suit gets all the credit.
28. What kind of motorbike does Santa ride?
A Holly Davidson!
29. Did you hear that Santa knows karate?
He has a black belt.
30. Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks?
31. What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
32. What’s Santa Claus’s favorite type of potato chip?
33. How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed.
34. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing?
They always drop their needles.
35. Why did Frosty’s wife ask for a divorce?
He was a total flake.
36. What did the beaver say to the Christmas Tree?
Nice gnawing you.
37. Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can ho ho ho.
38. Why didn’t Rudolph go to school?
He was elf-taught.
39. Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
40. Why don’t reindeer like picnics?
Because of all their ant-lures.
41. What did Santa ask Rudolph about the weather?
Is it going to rain, dear?
42. What do elves post on Social Media?
43. Why can’t penguins fly?
They’re not tall enough to be pilots.
44. What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
45. What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
46. Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.
47. How does Good King Wenceslas like his pizzas?
One that’s deep pan, crisp and even.
48. What says Oh Oh Oh?
Santa walking backward.
49. What do you get if you cross Santa with a detective?
50. What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus.
51. How you can tell that Santa is real?
You can always sense his presents.
52. What is Santa’s nationality?
He’s North Pole-ish
53. How does Santa take photos?
With a Pole-aroid camera, of course.
54. Why doesn’t Santa go to the hospital?
He has private elf care.
55. What does Santa eat for breakfast?